To be so fed up with in laws

[Throwaway7]

Name change for this. I've posted on here about my overbearing in laws since DS was born. Had a mix of supportive comments and some saying they were just eager and wanted to be part of her life and baby is 'dh's kid too' and they are just as important as my family. So I give it time, I have taken it all in my stride and put it down to their eagerness but we are currently staying with them and they are too much.

Going to try explain the incidents in a factual way

1. we asked MIL if DS could sleep in spare room instead of same room as us as none of us sleep well. MIL said no with no explanation why. When we got there it turned out SIL whose house is a ten minute walk away wanted to stay so she could have a much time with DS. not only that, she had set up baby travel cot in room she was sleeping in. When DH once again explained to her DS will be disturbed by someone in room she didn't want to hear it. Was all about her getting to wake up with him, that she was staying and that was the end of it. So baby slept in room with is and of course we all had a bad night sleep.

2. MIL 'reserved' the one day we had arranged to meet friends. We are spending 6 whole days with her and the family. We made plans one day without and she huffed because she doesn't get to see baby often. When we told her and DH sibling's we got a lot of grief as she 'doesnt ask for much'

3. DH's siblings are extremely intense with baby. They absolutely surround him and take at him to the point he is so overwhelmed he cries. Even when I take him for some space to calm down they followe and try to comfort him, which just makes it worse. As soon as I have stopped him crying they will literally snatch him from me.

4. MIL had 7 kids and we are reminded of this repeatedly. Because of this 'achievement' we are meant to take her advice as gospel. Some of the advice we got was giving the baby pureed chicken at 4 months. Adding salt to baby's food from 5 months. Baby should sleep with blanket from 3 months. So it's fair to say we don't agree that she is as all knowing as her other children do.

5. DH's family make unfair judgements on babus development and everything is due to something we have down wrong. This time it was a comment that baby is 'lazy' and he just sits there. On a very relevant sidenoted, MILs place is tiny! Baby had maybe 1 metre square space to play that was surrounded by over eager 40 something's repeatedly calling his name and trying to get his attention and interact. All he wanted was to be with me or his dad as he was scared. When we did take him off to our room for space and he was his usual playful self again, a few of them would appear immediately and surround him again. Anyway, the lazy comment led to MIL saying it was because he wears a sleep sack and he should be able to play around in cot and climb etc. That's why she always puts a blanket in his cot but we put on the sack which means 'he won't walk.' baby is 11.5 months

6. Even when his mum makes ridiculous comments like this we are told by his siblings we should listen to her, she raised 7!!!!

7. when DH tried to explain to her she was wrong and in fact the only time we have seen DS pull himself up is whilst he is wearing a sleep sack instead of owning it she made a comment that maybe she just says these things to upset/provoke DH

8. without fail, everytime we have a family meal, at least one sometimes two of them will go in to check on baby whilst he naps. Despite us telling them not to as they have woken him up and startled him in past. But it's always done as just "checking on him" and making sure he is ok. If I need to check ony child, I'll do it myself.

This is just things that have happened in the last few days. We have been dealing with critical similar since DS was born. DH is furious. The entire trip is miserable now and we have 2 more days. Before anyone says it's a DH problem, he knows this and has decided write an email explaining how inappropriate they have been.

Sorry it's so long But I'd appreciate different perspective and advice people would give. Do I just stay out of it and let DH deal with it completely? Which I think my be the more logical and level headed approach, especially for future relations. But a part of me is very fed up with his siblings and MIL seeming belief that our child is her baby 8. And I have found it incredibly hurtful and patronising that they have repeatedly undermined me as a mother.

We have Covid so I think peeps should stay away for a little while.
The new varient sounds a little nasty. So sorry...
Oh goodness me. We seem to have picked it up again. Or could it be cholera?
Anyway catch a break and try to disassociate

Sounds awful. And if DH agrees with you then perhaps you both need to consider leaving early

Heeeeeeeee

Leave tomorrow morning. Doesn't matter what excuse you come up with, just leave. The situation sounds unbearable.

Can you just go home? I wouldn't stay with them again.

Pack up and go home.

Why don't you just leave?

His family live abroad so we can't change flights but currently booking a hotel for the last few days which is not going to be well received.

I'd go home and tell them why. Your child is not a doll for them to play with.

So? They’ve crossed every boundary and refuse to listen to you and your DH about your own child as if you two don’t know him after almost a year.

At this point, I’d say f**k their feelings because they obviously don’t care about you, your DH, and your son’s.

Booking into a hotel sounds great! - they will have to suck it up.

But if you need a flight home it sounds as though they are plenty far away - that has to be good!

Well it doesn’t matter if it’s not well received. Just pack up and go.

Sorry to read this. I get it. But it's my family. It changes as they get older. My dad started hiding boiled sweet lollies under their pillows when they were 5. I took him apart. Dangerous, irresponsible, unhealthy etc
You have my sympathy

Book in to a hotel with the space you want / need.. at least they live in a different country so you can make sure this doesn’t happen again and can just book your own accommodation for future trips

Well they’ve only got themselves to blame when you never visit again.

Pack your bags, get out of there and don't return. Sounds like you have DH on side which is a game changer. Do what you need to do for your family of three and don't look back.

Book the hotel then leave and send the email.
Otherwise you are likely to have a big blowout fight you can't come back from.
Other people's opinions on what you do with your little family are irrelevant.

Next time invite MIL (and FIL?) to your home. If you've no space to put her up maybe you could contribute to accomodation. Or perhaps ghe siblings in law could come too and they could get a good deal on self catering

I would leave and stay in the hotel. Your husband can tell them you all need a more zen surrounding.

Glad you're going to a hotel.
If you're still there tonight (no idea of time difference) just barricade your bedroom door. I used to sit with my back against the door to stop my sister getting in to my room, maybe you can try that!

No doubt the behaviour will be down to 'being so excited' but they are all adults and behaviour has consequences.

It sounds absolutely awful and there is clearly zero respect for you as parents. You should both say it how it is, and if it isn’t well received then that’s their problem. They ruined it for themselves!!

I was going to say go home, but read that you are abroad! Well done for booking a hotel - they sound overbearing and controlling.

Sounds awful, hotel is a great plan. If they don’t like it they shouldn’t be so overbearing

Is it a culture thing, they don't sound British.

I wouldn’t be returning, ever. If you want to see
them again do it on neutral territory or have them visit you.