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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my neighbour is batshit

80 replies

soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 15:36

Recently moved into new flat (6 weeks). yesterday a get a very rude, heavily underlined note in my mailbox from flat downstairs, saying Im a nuisance, a noisy neighbour, she 'owns her property' and is quiet and I am ruining it for her and she will be reporting me (no mention of to whom).
My crime? Putting on my tv at 7.45am in the morning on saturday morning.

After getting over the shock of this and the rudeness of the message i decided i would go and see her to keep the peace. However, in the interim, i had two visitors come to see me at 2pm. They passed her in the stairwell and they said good afternoon. She shushed them, told them to 'shut up', 'be quiet' and to stop being so loud in the hallway? When they said but they were just walking up the stairs, she yelled at them that they were 'disgusting'.

Soooo living here is clearly going to be interesting!!!!

OP posts:
FabFitFifties · 01/05/2023 15:42

I would ignore her letters. Don't open the door if she knocks. Shh! when you pass her in the hall. Has your flat been empty for a while before you moved in?

Original poster
soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 15:45

No it hadnt. The guy before me rented for a couple of years, and I rent now. Its just me on my own. I work so Im out the house 50 plus hours a week. Im not remotely noisy.

Ive informed my agent in case she makes trouble. Im not sure how to deal with it from hereon in though. I can ignore her but its not fair on my visitors and may put them off coming to see me?

OP posts:
IchWill · 01/05/2023 15:45

Sounds horrible. I'd not approach her at this stage, I'd make friends with the other neighbours and drop into the conversation "So, what are the other neighbours like?" and see if they share anything on the neighbour.

Are you renting, or have you bought your flat? If rented, might be worth seeing off agent if previous tenants had any issues.

I'd also start logging every piece of bat-shittery and keep her notes, in case you have to report her for harassment.

If you're not making noise, she won't get very far reporting it.

Theunamedcat · 01/05/2023 15:48

Tell the agent she is harassing your guests

Original poster
soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 15:49

Theunamedcat I did and he was sympathetic and said if it escalates then go to citizens advice.

OP posts:
Whichnumbers · 01/05/2023 15:49

Keep a diary of when she is abusive to your visitors, keep the note she sent, any further incidents jot down time and date

if police are called by you or her you have dates and times of harassment and can then use that to prevent her continued harassment of you

Butchyrestingface · 01/05/2023 15:51

Well, I think you know now why the previous incumbent moved out...

Original poster
soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 15:57

if she confronts me in the stairwell what should i do/say? There are only 3 of us in this block of flats. We all live alone. Ive never seen either of them have one visitor. When I was viewing, i bumped into the other resident and he was having a right moan about the noise from the park opposite of kids playing. Im panicking Ive moved in with the grumps! Shit.

OP posts:
LanaDelRaybans · 01/05/2023 15:59

Oh god... I used to live in this exact situation, it's eerily similar! If she's elderly and her name starts with an "i" then message me I think I can help 🤣

Hotfootgoose · 01/05/2023 16:01

You have to nip this in the bud quick. I would front this and tell her straight to stop harassing your guests and putting notes in your door, otherwise you will report her to the police - keep the notes, I don’t think this is over yet sadly.

Original poster
soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 16:02

Not 'I' unfortunately as I could have done with your wisdom lana. Both of them are mid 60s. Im late 40s and a super boring social worker. lol. Im out at work most of the week, normal hours, i have family and friends pop over for coffee, occasional dinner and drinks at weekends. Never late, never especially loud. And apparently people must float up the stairs to get to me.....lol

OP posts:
Original poster
soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 16:06

hotfootgoose. Interesting. This was my initial thought, but im worried i might lose my temper. She was so so rude to my visitors, i feel it may escalate matters. Im wondering if a firm but polite note to her might be in order.

OP posts:
Vitriolinsanity · 01/05/2023 16:11

I'd have to "ssh" her back each and every time she spoke in a hostile manner.

"ssh", ignore, move on.

I've met nuts like this before. Keep a little list going in your phone. I guarantee she will be.

Inthesamesinkingboat · 01/05/2023 16:12

I’ve always lived in flats and have never once heard a neighbours TV, maybe music from a party, but never a TV. Is it just possible your TV was a little loud for her to realise it was on?

Original poster
soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 16:15

inthesame i know right! .
Its on 22. I got all my family and friends to listen to see if it was unreasonable. Everyone said it could easily be louder.

Regardless, if she can hear it, isnt 7.45am a reasonable time to have housheold noise??

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 01/05/2023 16:15

soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 16:06

hotfootgoose. Interesting. This was my initial thought, but im worried i might lose my temper. She was so so rude to my visitors, i feel it may escalate matters. Im wondering if a firm but polite note to her might be in order.

Whatever you do, don't lose your temper or swear

Keep calm and say something. Be assertive.

Heartsnrainbows · 01/05/2023 16:22

I'd say from 8am onwards as that I'd what is in most guidelines for reasonable noise. Can you hear it if you stand outside with the door closed?

Do you have hard flooring? That can cause sound to travel at lot and laminate especially echoes, you hear every footstep.

She sounds loonytunes but I'd make reasonable effort to take the high road. Carpets or massive thick rug and I'd keep tv low till after 8am. That's the best she'd get from me.

I can hear my upstairs neighbours moving about and their washing machine but it can't be helped, that's what its like living in flats.

Original poster
soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 16:25

Its new build with concrete floors with carpet throughout. you cant hear the tv when i have the door closed in my flat.

OP posts:
WhineWhineWhineWINE · 01/05/2023 16:25

Smile and be pleasant back. "Good morning Mrs Batshit, lovely day today! Oh yes of course, I'll try to keep the noise down, thank you"
Then get on with your day and ignore her. And as PP have said, log everything. She'll either get bored of not getting a rise out of you, or she'll cross a line and you can report her.

Some people are very strange.

Heartsnrainbows · 01/05/2023 16:27

Then I'd ignore her. Keep any notes she puts through and keep a log of when she harasses you or your visitors. Just in case she does escalate. Then just be obnoxiously bright and cheerful. It enrages them when they can't offend you.

Runningoutofusernamestochange · 01/05/2023 16:32

Mildly amused by your profession. Let her get wind of that one and make a few “head-tilted” comments about dementia sufferers being left to struggle in the community. I suspect she’ll soon shut up.

Conkersinautumn · 01/05/2023 16:33

You're a social worker. Can you get colleagues to wear their badges when visiting your building? If they turn around with Local Authority badges and ask her if everything is OK etc she may actually back off. Other than that quietly keep a log of her batshit behaviour

TheSnowyOwl · 01/05/2023 16:36

soooomuchroomforactivities · 01/05/2023 15:57

if she confronts me in the stairwell what should i do/say? There are only 3 of us in this block of flats. We all live alone. Ive never seen either of them have one visitor. When I was viewing, i bumped into the other resident and he was having a right moan about the noise from the park opposite of kids playing. Im panicking Ive moved in with the grumps! Shit.

Given it doesn’t sound like you will ever be friends or want to be, I would write her a polite note (and keep a copy - ideally post it to her as recorded delivery) formally telling her you are keeping a note of her behaviour and harassment towards you and your guests. Let her know you will report her to the police if there is a further incident and then use the non urgent number to to just that.

BonnieGlasses · 01/05/2023 16:37

She shouldn't be writing you threatening notes or harassing your guests. But to be fair, the soundproofing in most flats is terrible and 7:45 is early to have the TV on at the weekend, maybe it woke her up.
I can hear my neighbours' TV and them having conversations at normal volume. It's everyday noise and part of living in a flat. Most people understand that (unlike your neighbour!).

countrygirl99 · 01/05/2023 16:39

Ear phones are your friend here. If you meet her and she starts on you just smile and nod and pretend you didn't hear what she said and assumed it was a friendly greeting. So she goes on about noise, you say "yes/horrible weather, sorry can't chat I'm running late".