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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is dh

46 replies

Monkeynuts57 · 01/05/2023 11:10

I went out for an hour and dh made formula for our dc who is just five months old she is bf but has the occasional bottle on a night usually so I can get a break
but I went out he said she was screaming so he made some formula but because she was screaming and it wasn’t cooling down enough he added one oz tap water and another scoop of formula
I’m angry as I don’t think this is safe and he’s not making it as it says. he’s in a mood for “being told off” as he puts it and has walked off saying he’s not in the wrong!

OP posts:
TheMoops · 01/05/2023 11:23

What exactly are you worried about?

Thehop · 01/05/2023 11:26

He's absolutely in the wrong. He shouldn't be using tap water!

dis you leave expressed milk?

Divorcedalongtime · 01/05/2023 11:26

Baby is almost ready for solids, tap water will be fine.

do you express breast milk? That could be a compromise as it would just need heating a little while

Notimeforaname · 01/05/2023 11:27

Its grand. Its water.

Thehop · 01/05/2023 11:28

Tap water is not fine at 5 months. It contains bacteria that would upset an open gut enough to cause diarrhoea, sickness, pain and gas.

formula powder isn't sterile and should only be mixed with boiled water to kill bacteria too.

3dogsandarabbit · 01/05/2023 11:29

If she was a newborn I would be worried, but not at 5 months. When my children were babies they started being weaned at 4 months, by 6:months I stopped sterilising dishes, etc.

I think your husband panicked a bit and now thinks you're questioning his ability.

Deathbyfluffy · 01/05/2023 11:35

It’s fine at 5 months, you’re over reacting.
Part of the reason kids are so much less resilient these days is people being namby-pamby about germs to a ridiculous degree - the process for treating tap water pretty much kills everything in it.

YABU

JudgeRudy · 01/05/2023 11:38

Thehop · 01/05/2023 11:28

Tap water is not fine at 5 months. It contains bacteria that would upset an open gut enough to cause diarrhoea, sickness, pain and gas.

formula powder isn't sterile and should only be mixed with boiled water to kill bacteria too.

I'm not a young mum so it's been a long time since I've made up formula milk. Why can't you use tap water? If not tap water what do you use? Surely not bottled mineral water?
I'm confused!

Soubriquet · 01/05/2023 11:40

No this isn’t ok.

Tap water to drink, fine.

Tap water that hasn’t been boiled to use for formula is not ok.

trisfreya · 01/05/2023 11:49

back when my 2 were young, you added cooled boiled water to formula to mix - didnt have to mix with boiled - why has this changed?

(early 2000s)

Whaleandsnail6 · 01/05/2023 11:51

Its years since Ive made formula but Id have thought this ok as he initially used boiling water which will have killed any bacteria in the powder?

Napoleandynamite · 01/05/2023 11:55

I would be annoyed too - it’s not nhs guidance. However as pps said dc is 5 months and close to weaning so all should be fine. Try not to worry.

KarmaStar · 01/05/2023 12:03

It's done,you can't go back,what on earth is the point in arguing further,dragging it into another day?
Explain your concerns,accept he did what he thought was best then move on.life is too short to fight.

Matchymatchylemonscratchy · 01/05/2023 12:03

Yeah I always used boiled but cooled water too. I would fill the kettle, boil and fill all the bottles plus one for the morning at the beginning of each day.

mynameiscalypso · 01/05/2023 12:05

It's not great especially if he added formula to a bottle that was already made and presumably not at the right temp. Sometimes you just have to stand there with a bottle under a cold tap to cool it down for 5 mins while the baby screams. It's shit but that's life.

BeeDavis · 01/05/2023 12:06

Honestly don’t make him feel bad about this. It’s not a hill to die on. Imagine how you’d feel if you made a little mistake out of panic and then he went on and on at you about it? I assume you’re first time parents? It’s all a learning curve and we just try to do our best.

MelchiorsMistress · 01/05/2023 12:07

Treat it as a learning experience for both of you and get some ready made formula for next time you want to go out.

Sennenandolive · 01/05/2023 12:07

I couldn’t get too over worried by this. It’s not ideal but it’s done now - and at 5 months they’ll be close to weaning anyway. Try not to worry x

Sennenandolive · 01/05/2023 12:07

BeeDavis · 01/05/2023 12:06

Honestly don’t make him feel bad about this. It’s not a hill to die on. Imagine how you’d feel if you made a little mistake out of panic and then he went on and on at you about it? I assume you’re first time parents? It’s all a learning curve and we just try to do our best.

This, 100%.

Fandabedodgy · 01/05/2023 12:08

At 5 months she will be fine.

Sounds like dad panicked.

Nanny0gg · 01/05/2023 12:08

JudgeRudy · 01/05/2023 11:38

I'm not a young mum so it's been a long time since I've made up formula milk. Why can't you use tap water? If not tap water what do you use? Surely not bottled mineral water?
I'm confused!

Show quote history

You boil it. That hasn't changed.

Darkchocolatekitkat · 01/05/2023 12:09

It’s not safe (albeit it’s also unlikely to have dove major harm), but if you’re only making a bottle occasionally the way it’s specified on the tins now is a major pain in the bum. I kept a small supply of ready made formula for those occasions when the baby is screaming and bottle is going to take twenty minutes to make “the proper way”.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 01/05/2023 12:24

No, I'd be very unhappy about this. It was completely unnecessary.
Cold water doesn't sterilise the powder for one. Tap water isn't a huge issue, because you aren't sterilising the water. But cold water is a problem because you're using boiled water to sterilise the powder; it is the powder that can contain bacteria. Lots of people don't understand this part.
Why couldn't he just run it under the cold water tap?
@trisfreya it has always been water above 70 degrees for as long as I can remember. I had my eldest in 2002 and started midwifery training in 2004 and it was always boiling water back then. Never cooled. Lots of people misunderstand this though it seems, even to this day.

3dogsandarabbit · 01/05/2023 12:37

My daughter was born mid 90s and it was boiling water that had been cooled slightly.

WandaWonder · 01/05/2023 12:39

Op how would you have felt if he told you off the same way you did to him?

It happened I see no issue

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