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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to return my dish when I make you a meal

35 replies

Gimmebackmydish · 30/04/2023 20:13

I’ve lost track of the amount of times I have made people lasagne or some other meal and dropped it off at their house. Only, to never have the cookware it was served in returned to me. I’ve now had to rebuy certain things…

OP posts:
CharcoalJeans · 30/04/2023 20:15

Yes of course people should return the dish of their own volition, but don’t you just ask for it back and remind them if it doesn’t come back?

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 30/04/2023 20:17

Just ask?

Zarah123 · 30/04/2023 20:17

YANBU, this is why I give food in disposable tupperware / foil trays.

I don’t buy disposable stuff but I save a few and keep it in the pantry.

TeaKitten · 30/04/2023 20:19

What do they say when you ask for it back?

KarmaStar · 30/04/2023 20:20

Should you not be asking the people you gave the plates to,not random people who don't have your plates ?😉

Stratocumulus · 30/04/2023 20:20

Buy tin foil dishes suitable for the oven and bake your lasagne in that?
The only other alternative is to stop being so kind and not make food for others.
In your shoes I’d simply say “I’ll be back next (day) for the dish!”
Easy peasy, to the point, no misunderstanding.

Mosaic123 · 30/04/2023 20:22

Buy some cheap foil containers (often available in £1 shops) and save your lovely dishes for yourself.

Purplepepsi · 30/04/2023 20:23

Or buy cheap in charity shops to pass on if you don't like foil?

Convovulus · 30/04/2023 20:24

Where's my meal?

Oftenaddled · 30/04/2023 20:25

Did they ask for the meal?

Assuming you only do this sort of thing at times of stress for them, I'd honestly prefer to have neither the meal nor the obligation to track you down with the kitchenware afterwards. I'd rather open a tin of beans - I'm busy (and maybe a bit socially awkward)

I hate it when people give or lend me something I haven't asked for and turn it all into a palaver. Could be completely different in your situation though.

Reasonableadjustments · 30/04/2023 20:25

I would buy disposable tinfoil for this sort of situation.

Oysterbabe · 30/04/2023 20:25

You didn't give me a lasagna.

Oftenaddled · 30/04/2023 20:25

Why are you making so many meals for people?

Original poster
Gimmebackmydish · 30/04/2023 20:33

Foil containers are a good shout. I’ve got very small children so normally forget about chasing up the dishes (which I get is my fault) but in the past when people have made meals for me I’ve made an effort to place any of there cookware in a certain spot to give them back the next time I see them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gimmebackmydish · 30/04/2023 20:35

Their cookware**

OP posts:
Oftenaddled · 30/04/2023 20:38

It's probably a reflection of my poor domestic skills, but I'm more likely to pay for people's groceries or takeaways than cook for them. I just wouldn't assume they'd want my food.

I am sure you are kind and that people appreciate what you do, but if they really need your help, they may not be in the state of mind to behave as you'd expect.

Zarah123 · 30/04/2023 20:39

Gimmebackmydish · 30/04/2023 20:33

Foil containers are a good shout. I’ve got very small children so normally forget about chasing up the dishes (which I get is my fault) but in the past when people have made meals for me I’ve made an effort to place any of there cookware in a certain spot to give them back the next time I see them.

People should proactively return crockery, without being prompted.

Do you repeat cook for people who haven’t returned dishes? I wouldn’t.

Oftenaddled · 30/04/2023 20:42

Zarah123 · 30/04/2023 20:39

People should proactively return crockery, without being prompted.

Do you repeat cook for people who haven’t returned dishes? I wouldn’t.

Show quote history

I think I'd be relieved to be off the list - not being mean, but who wants this fuss?

What is this repeat cooking you do for people? Who? Why? Do they ask for it?

Zarah123 · 30/04/2023 20:44

Oftenaddled · 30/04/2023 20:42

I think I'd be relieved to be off the list - not being mean, but who wants this fuss?

What is this repeat cooking you do for people? Who? Why? Do they ask for it?

Show quote history

Maybe it’s cultural? In my family we often share food, a special dish etc.

User0610139736 · 30/04/2023 20:44

It’s a lovely thing to do but I struggle with this idea now that it’s relatively easy to buy low effort food.
I barely have time to cook for myself so would instead get someone a Cook dish or something (if they’ve got freezer space)
also the last time I joined a rota to do it for someone from church who’d had a baby the list of demands and likes/dislikes were ridiculous and felt really grabby. I also couldn’t help but feel sad that I did this for a few people and then when I had my dc3 no one reciprocated 😞

also classic, in my small group there’s a couple where the husband is often away working and they have 4 DC and the wife is amazing and gets on with it when he’s abroad. She got a new job and had to travel for it and the husband mentioned this and asked for prayer about it and was instantly asked if he’d be ok and would like people to drop round some dinners 🙄. Credit to him he politely declined!

Original poster
Gimmebackmydish · 30/04/2023 20:45

No expectation for things to be returned in a rush, especially in certain scenarios. In fact I’ve even said to friends don’t worry about washing said items up I can just come and grab them text me when it would work type thing. I am not just throwing food at people we are talking about friends and family identifying that this would help them out and planning when I can drop something off. Not just rocking up on the doorstep with a surprise meal.

OP posts:
Kay286 · 30/04/2023 20:46

Ummmmmm probably I would forget , a lasagne dish wouldnt be on the forefront of my mind constantly I’m afraid ! I’d have washed and stuck it away ….. but all I would need is oh hey have you still got my lasagne dish .. oops yes here you go ! Just ask

Zarah123 · 30/04/2023 20:47

I also drop food off at my elderly mum’s a few times a week. She is a neat freak though so has my dish washed and ready for me to take back the next day, sometimes the same day 🤣

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/04/2023 20:47

Do they want the food? If not you’re just creating additional work for them.

brownbeauty80 · 30/04/2023 20:47

I'm Indian and in our culture if anyone has sent food in their container we return the container with something inside .. so basically never return an empty container.. even a chocolate bar or a packet of biscuits if u haven't got anything home made to send back..