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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to return my dish when I make you a meal

35 replies

Gimmebackmydish · 30/04/2023 20:13

I’ve lost track of the amount of times I have made people lasagne or some other meal and dropped it off at their house. Only, to never have the cookware it was served in returned to me. I’ve now had to rebuy certain things…

OP posts:
TwoMonthsOff · 30/04/2023 20:47

Zarah123 · 30/04/2023 20:17

YANBU, this is why I give food in disposable tupperware / foil trays.

I don’t buy disposable stuff but I save a few and keep it in the pantry.

Yes - good idea as you never get the nice ones back do you

RedTulipsSpring · 30/04/2023 20:48

agree they should return it and surprised they don’t. But maybe get some from charity shops?

Oftenaddled · 30/04/2023 20:52

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/04/2023 20:47

Do they want the food? If not you’re just creating additional work for them.

Yes.

When I've had gifts of food I've been seriously ill or coping with bereavement. I would really rather be left in peace than have someone going on at my about cookware.

It's nice that you don't rush people, OP, but then I suppose it's not at the forefront of their minds either.

I agree better to just give what you don't mind losing. I'm sure you and your food are lovely. Why sour the experience.

Dixiechickonhols · 30/04/2023 20:53

Assuming you are making a meal when they are at a busy/crisis time eg new baby, death in family I’d assume dish is put away and forgotten. Just ask for it.
I’d just use foil tray if you want to do it.

Kay286 · 30/04/2023 20:56

I don’t understand how you can be friendly enough to with someone to cook them a meal but too afraid to ask for your dish ?

weweresomeoneelse · 30/04/2023 21:12

why are you asking us to return your dishes if you won’t ask the people that actually have them? Confused

BadSkiingMum · 30/04/2023 21:12

User0610139736 · 30/04/2023 20:44

It’s a lovely thing to do but I struggle with this idea now that it’s relatively easy to buy low effort food.
I barely have time to cook for myself so would instead get someone a Cook dish or something (if they’ve got freezer space)
also the last time I joined a rota to do it for someone from church who’d had a baby the list of demands and likes/dislikes were ridiculous and felt really grabby. I also couldn’t help but feel sad that I did this for a few people and then when I had my dc3 no one reciprocated 😞

also classic, in my small group there’s a couple where the husband is often away working and they have 4 DC and the wife is amazing and gets on with it when he’s abroad. She got a new job and had to travel for it and the husband mentioned this and asked for prayer about it and was instantly asked if he’d be ok and would like people to drop round some dinners 🙄. Credit to him he politely declined!

This is where I find church ideas of 'community support' very peculiar and leading to a bizarre kind of self-centredness and over-publicising of personal situations - gifts and good wishes are nice, but surely it is for someone's immediate family to support them if they have just had a baby? Unless of course there was a major extenuating circumstance such as premature birth or NICU admission. And why does someone need prayer just because their wife is away? It just seems to lead to more work for women, as I guess it's not men rushing around preparing the lasagnes.

neslop · 30/04/2023 21:17

BadSkiingMum · 30/04/2023 21:12

This is where I find church ideas of 'community support' very peculiar and leading to a bizarre kind of self-centredness and over-publicising of personal situations - gifts and good wishes are nice, but surely it is for someone's immediate family to support them if they have just had a baby? Unless of course there was a major extenuating circumstance such as premature birth or NICU admission. And why does someone need prayer just because their wife is away? It just seems to lead to more work for women, as I guess it's not men rushing around preparing the lasagnes.

Show quote history

'surely it is for someone's immediate family to support them if they have just had a baby?' What if they don't have any family, or their family doesn't live nearby or they don't have good relations with them?

BadSkiingMum · 30/04/2023 21:21

Well, yes, of course - then that would be a nice thing to do and would probably come under the heading of extenuating circumstances as used in my post.

But I have seen this offered to anyone in a church community who has a baby.

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