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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a child to a orchestral concert

61 replies

BelleMarionette · 29/04/2023 23:43

I took my DD to an orchestral concert, in a well known venue. The venue advertised it as for 7+, and she is 8 years old. It was an evening performance.

Granted, when I got there, there were virtually no children, and the average age of the audience was over 60. I didn't see it as an issue though, as the venue had a clear age policy which included her.

She sat nicely through the performance, not a peep. The couple on one side made passive aggressive comments, including complaining that she ate snacks during the intermission (something about it 'lowering the tone'). She was only allowed to eat during the intermission, not the performance. The snacks were purchased from the venue (I see it as important to support them in a time when the arts are struggling financially)

I accept that people have paid a lot of money for their tickets, and therefore want to enjoy the performance, but if a child is within the venues age policy, and not disruptive, surely this is fine?

OP posts:
Lamelie · 29/04/2023 23:45

They were arses and you were unlucky. Taken children from 4 and never had a word of complaint. Ignore.

UsingChangeofName · 29/04/2023 23:47

YANBU, and presumably know what your dd might be able to cope with.

I have to say, my heart sinks when I go to the theatre and find young children also there, as, sadly, there are too many people who take children to things and then let them misbehave, or indulge them. I am always delighted to find a child that does behave and a family that respects people around them.
In truth, in more recent years, disruption has nearly always been adults who don't know how to behave, not dc.

jackstini · 29/04/2023 23:47

YANBU
Hope you both had a mostly lovely time
They were up their own arses!

BillyNoM8s · 29/04/2023 23:47

I always eat interval snacks and I'm significantly older than 8. I probably would've lowered the tone further and told them to do one Grin miserable sods.

Thedogscollar · 29/04/2023 23:48

YANBU. Sounds like she behaved impeccably and ate what was offered by the venue for sale.
Sadly, the badly behaved people were the adults not the child.

DirectionToPerfection · 29/04/2023 23:51

They were being dicks.

The only reason I'd maybe think YABU is because I could see it being a very boring event for the child.

PollyPeptide · 29/04/2023 23:51

Your daughter is exactly who classical music needs to interest for the future. Ignore the pompous audience members who should be smiling and welcoming her.
I hope she had a wonderful time and keeps going back. 🎶

5foot5 · 29/04/2023 23:52

YANBU it sounds like your DD behaved impeccably. Great to be introducing a young child to that experience. I think I was 14 or 15 before I went to an orchestral concert and it tooky breath away.
The PA couple making snarky comments sound like silly arses but maybe they just got anxious when they saw a child in the audience near them and thought they would be in for disturbance. Perhaps they should have realised that most people would only take their child to a concert like that if they were completely confident that their child would behave well.

DdraigGoch · 29/04/2023 23:54

I find that children are often better behaved than adults. You never hear of a performance being cancelled because of a group of kids having a drunken brawl, do you?

JockTamsonsBairns · 29/04/2023 23:55

I don't see anything wrong with taking an 8yo to see an orchestra play. It's pretty normal for a lot of people although, of course, it's natural that it would attract predominantly older people.

It's odd that a couple would remark on her 'lowering the tone' just because of eating something from the venue during the intermission though. I've been to hundreds of classical concerts over the years, and it's always been considered fantastic to see children there.
It's difficult to understand what's happened here, because I've just never come across it.
I would have been curious about it had I been in your position, and would have broached it with them.
Was there something about them that made you feel uncomfortable about asking them?

Original poster
BelleMarionette · 29/04/2023 23:55

DirectionToPerfection · 29/04/2023 23:51

They were being dicks.

The only reason I'd maybe think YABU is because I could see it being a very boring event for the child.

She absolutely adored it and has asked to go again soon. She has been before and enjoyed it. For her it is a treat.

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleMarionette · 29/04/2023 23:57

JockTamsonsBairns · 29/04/2023 23:55

I don't see anything wrong with taking an 8yo to see an orchestra play. It's pretty normal for a lot of people although, of course, it's natural that it would attract predominantly older people.

It's odd that a couple would remark on her 'lowering the tone' just because of eating something from the venue during the intermission though. I've been to hundreds of classical concerts over the years, and it's always been considered fantastic to see children there.
It's difficult to understand what's happened here, because I've just never come across it.
I would have been curious about it had I been in your position, and would have broached it with them.
Was there something about them that made you feel uncomfortable about asking them?

I shy away from conflict which is why I ignored it. My daughter seemed oblivious to the comments and I didn't want to ruin her evening either. Nothing was said directly to me.

OP posts:
SoShallINever · 29/04/2023 23:59

Snooty miserable gits. I would have made a snipey comment back.

JockTamsonsBairns · 29/04/2023 23:59

DirectionToPerfection · 29/04/2023 23:51

They were being dicks.

The only reason I'd maybe think YABU is because I could see it being a very boring event for the child.

Not necessarily though. One of my three DCs loves classical music, so I frequently take him. Ok, he's 15 now, but I've been taking him since I could be confident he'd sit quietly through the performance. So, probably around 7 or 8, same as Op's DD.

ChristmasKraken · 30/04/2023 00:00

Some of my fondest childhood memories are going to Proms concerts with my Dad. So strange to assume it would be boring for children (as I saw a pp say) - there's so much to see, the orchestra, the conductor, and the music is incredible live. If we don't take children to these things, how will they ever learn about them, or appreciate them? They will surely just die out if only adults go!
And if we don't take children to these types of events, how are they supposed to know how they're expected to behave at them as adults?

Loria · 30/04/2023 00:04

Oh wow. I feel so sad to hear this account. I agree with a pp that you were very unlucky. Please keep taking your daughter to concerts if she likes them! I play in an orchestra that regularly gives away free tickets to local families via schools. We want people to come and hear us! Especially children who will (we hope) be future ticket buyers. We are playing the long game hahaha!

Really though most classical music audiences are ime not like that. Please do come again and you will see that for yourself. We just want to play and listen to nice music and introduce people to it. Of course we like people to be quiet when we are playing so that we can concentrate but we couldn't give a fig about what ice creams/snacks etc you eat in the interval and we love to see children at our concerts.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 30/04/2023 00:08

They sound like awful people. You did nothing wrong.

ilovesooty · 30/04/2023 00:08

They were horrible and judgemental.

It sounds as though your daughter had a lovely time

DirectionToPerfection · 30/04/2023 00:08

BelleMarionette · 29/04/2023 23:55

She absolutely adored it and has asked to go again soon. She has been before and enjoyed it. For her it is a treat.

Show quote history

Well that's great. Ignore the idiots and don't let it stop you bringing her again.

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/04/2023 00:09

YANBU at all OP. Children who aren't taken to these kinds of things (and taught how to behave properly) grow into Adults who go and don't know how to behave at all.

We went to the theatre often when I was a kid and at almost 40 I'm still a bit taken aback when people have sweets or snacks outside of the interval as I was taught snacks are for the cinema but not the theatre where the performers can hear you rustling.

(Could in fairness have just been my family avoiding buying me snacks Blush)

JockTamsonsBairns · 30/04/2023 00:10

BelleMarionette · 29/04/2023 23:57

I shy away from conflict which is why I ignored it. My daughter seemed oblivious to the comments and I didn't want to ruin her evening either. Nothing was said directly to me.

Show quote history

Ah ok, I understand that.
I used to perform classical music as part of a touring orchestra, but now am just a spectator. I would actively encourage children to come along and watch/get involved, and it's pretty awful to hear that your DD was made unwelcome (even if she didn't pick up on it).
Please don't let this incident deter you and her. We need young people to get interested, despite it being considered 'uncool' - as my other 2 DCs think.

Is your DD interested in learning to play an instrument, and would you have the means to support this? I can assure you she'd be very welcomed into the wonderful world of an orchestra!

LondonLovie · 30/04/2023 00:11

Sounds like she was better behaved than the 70+ year old women behind me at the Royal Opera House recently, who ate snacks DURING the performance. So those morons who commented can do one.

wwyd2021medicine · 30/04/2023 00:12

When my DD's went to similar with mainly elderly audience, they were smiled at and welcomed. You were unlucky unfortunately

Original poster
BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 00:15

JockTamsonsBairns · 30/04/2023 00:10

Ah ok, I understand that.
I used to perform classical music as part of a touring orchestra, but now am just a spectator. I would actively encourage children to come along and watch/get involved, and it's pretty awful to hear that your DD was made unwelcome (even if she didn't pick up on it).
Please don't let this incident deter you and her. We need young people to get interested, despite it being considered 'uncool' - as my other 2 DCs think.

Is your DD interested in learning to play an instrument, and would you have the means to support this? I can assure you she'd be very welcomed into the wonderful world of an orchestra!

Show quote history

She previously was learning an instrument but has additional needs and wasn't making much progress so she chose to stop. I would absolutely support her of she wished to start again: it's not about the achievement but the enjoyment, certainly for her.

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 30/04/2023 00:17

I accept that people have paid a lot of money for their tickets, and therefore want to enjoy the performance, but if a child is within the venues age policy, and not disruptive, surely this is fine?

You know it's fine so why are you giving this any head space, let alone enough to have to ask other peoples opinions on it?

Did they even mention the fact she was a child? I thought they were moaning about the snacks? (which they had no right to do, and she won't have been the only person eating them).