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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a child to a orchestral concert

61 replies

BelleMarionette · 29/04/2023 23:43

I took my DD to an orchestral concert, in a well known venue. The venue advertised it as for 7+, and she is 8 years old. It was an evening performance.

Granted, when I got there, there were virtually no children, and the average age of the audience was over 60. I didn't see it as an issue though, as the venue had a clear age policy which included her.

She sat nicely through the performance, not a peep. The couple on one side made passive aggressive comments, including complaining that she ate snacks during the intermission (something about it 'lowering the tone'). She was only allowed to eat during the intermission, not the performance. The snacks were purchased from the venue (I see it as important to support them in a time when the arts are struggling financially)

I accept that people have paid a lot of money for their tickets, and therefore want to enjoy the performance, but if a child is within the venues age policy, and not disruptive, surely this is fine?

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 00:18

TeapotTitties · 30/04/2023 00:17

I accept that people have paid a lot of money for their tickets, and therefore want to enjoy the performance, but if a child is within the venues age policy, and not disruptive, surely this is fine?

You know it's fine so why are you giving this any head space, let alone enough to have to ask other peoples opinions on it?

Did they even mention the fact she was a child? I thought they were moaning about the snacks? (which they had no right to do, and she won't have been the only person eating them).

Because I wanted to check there weren't some unwritten rules I had broken by bringing her.

OP posts:
ZiriForEver · 30/04/2023 00:19

In my culture it isn't allowed to take food and drinks inside the concert hall, the norm is to eat it where it is sold and at the corridors around.

Taking snacks inside and eating them at your seat is ok in the cinema or popular music concerts in restaurant settings.

So if it happened here, the comment about lowering the tone would be valid.

I don't know what your local habits are around eating snacks inside, maybe worth checking?

Inthetropics · 30/04/2023 00:21

My parents used to take me since I was 6.

TeapotTitties · 30/04/2023 00:22

BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 00:18

Because I wanted to check there weren't some unwritten rules I had broken by bringing her.

Show quote history

You're being silly.

They sell snacks and she ate a snack just like everyone else who would've bought and ate a snack.

If there were any unwritten rules, they wouldn't sell them, would they?

Don't pay it any more mind.

Loria · 30/04/2023 00:23

Hey OP, I notice that you mention your dd has some playing experience. Might this be of use to you? The young musicians here come from all sorts of backgrounds, reading and non reading:

www.nyo.org.uk/

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/04/2023 00:24

See if you can take her to one of the movies with live orchestral music playing. They are absolutely fantastic.

TeapotTitties · 30/04/2023 00:24

ZiriForEver · 30/04/2023 00:19

In my culture it isn't allowed to take food and drinks inside the concert hall, the norm is to eat it where it is sold and at the corridors around.

Taking snacks inside and eating them at your seat is ok in the cinema or popular music concerts in restaurant settings.

So if it happened here, the comment about lowering the tone would be valid.

I don't know what your local habits are around eating snacks inside, maybe worth checking?

There are no 'local habits'.

If food wasn't allowed in the concert hall, there would be plenty of signs saying so.

AmeliaEarhart · 30/04/2023 00:25

DS has been going to concerts at Wigmore Hall, the Barbican and the RFH regularly since around that age; he’s 12 now. He has some SEN, but has been strictly briefed on how to behave and is always so transfixed by the music, it’s about the only time in his life he sits perfectly still!

I’m sorry you encountered such a pair of arses. Like others, I’ve found it’s the adults in the audience who’ve who’ve forgotten how to behave at performances - talking, rustling food wrappers, failing to switch off phones etc. - especially since Covid.

ZiriForEver · 30/04/2023 01:01

TeapotTitties · 30/04/2023 00:24

There are no 'local habits'.

If food wasn't allowed in the concert hall, there would be plenty of signs saying so.

Show quote history

Actually, in the best concert halls in my area the signs are rather discreet and people are generally expected to know, it is seen as part of good manners.
You would be stopped by staff at the hall's doors if you try to come with it inside.
If some mum pockets snacks into her handbag and hand them over to the child inside, they would slip through, but still be wrong.

(Yes, still talking about snacks sold at the venue, you just won't eat them inside the hall at classical music concert here, nor would you let your child do it.)

It is totally possible it is OK to take the snacks in the hall where the OP was, in such case the other couple was (even more) wrong.

Loria · 30/04/2023 01:07

I don't even know what you're trying to say here.

HeddaGarbled · 30/04/2023 01:08

The couple on one side made passive aggressive comments, including complaining that she ate snacks during the intermission (something about it 'lowering the tone')

As if.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/04/2023 01:11

DirectionToPerfection · 29/04/2023 23:51

They were being dicks.

The only reason I'd maybe think YABU is because I could see it being a very boring event for the child.

Whyever would a live concert be boring for a child?

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 30/04/2023 01:13

I’ve brought my 5yo several times. She loves it. If the concert starts late, we leave at intermission for bedtime. But if it starts at 6:30/7, we stay for the whole concert. She’s often not the only child (although is in a tiny minority). We’ve never had bad comments. She doesn’t clap between movements, and she doesn’t cough. Better spectator than many of the adults!

Original poster
BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 06:42

ZiriForEver · 30/04/2023 01:01

Actually, in the best concert halls in my area the signs are rather discreet and people are generally expected to know, it is seen as part of good manners.
You would be stopped by staff at the hall's doors if you try to come with it inside.
If some mum pockets snacks into her handbag and hand them over to the child inside, they would slip through, but still be wrong.

(Yes, still talking about snacks sold at the venue, you just won't eat them inside the hall at classical music concert here, nor would you let your child do it.)

It is totally possible it is OK to take the snacks in the hall where the OP was, in such case the other couple was (even more) wrong.

Show quote history

Which country does this refer to? I have never heard of this in the UK.

I didn't see any signs regarding where food could or couldn't be eaten, and they did specifically target those going in the hall with food, which is normal as an opportunity for revenue in these venues.

OP posts:
NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 30/04/2023 06:45

HeddaGarbled · 30/04/2023 01:08

The couple on one side made passive aggressive comments, including complaining that she ate snacks during the intermission (something about it 'lowering the tone')

As if.

Quite.

pleasehelpmycat · 30/04/2023 06:49

Clearly YANBU. I was that kid who went to concerts and played instruments from age 8 or so, and I ended up studying music at university and now I’m a university lecturer in music.

Original poster
BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 07:50

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 30/04/2023 01:13

I’ve brought my 5yo several times. She loves it. If the concert starts late, we leave at intermission for bedtime. But if it starts at 6:30/7, we stay for the whole concert. She’s often not the only child (although is in a tiny minority). We’ve never had bad comments. She doesn’t clap between movements, and she doesn’t cough. Better spectator than many of the adults!

Yes, my daughter was wondering about all the coughing. To be honest, other than that the behaviour standards were impeccable.

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 09:59

pleasehelpmycat · 30/04/2023 06:49

Clearly YANBU. I was that kid who went to concerts and played instruments from age 8 or so, and I ended up studying music at university and now I’m a university lecturer in music.

Good to hear. My daughter loves listening but finds playing difficult. I'm happy to nurture her interests and see what pans out.

Thank you for all the input. The consensus is that it's fine to bring her, so I will continue. The lady sitting on the other side of her actually complemented her listening skills at the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 10:06

Loria · 30/04/2023 00:23

Hey OP, I notice that you mention your dd has some playing experience. Might this be of use to you? The young musicians here come from all sorts of backgrounds, reading and non reading:

www.nyo.org.uk/

Thank you. I had a look at this and it seems to say minimum of grade 6, which I don't think she will ever reach unfortunately (additional needs), but it is a lovely idea for able musicians.

OP posts:
Madcats · 30/04/2023 10:37

Oh please carry on taking DC to classical concerts.

I'm going to sing the praises of Bath Phil, who do a massive amount of outreach work to involve school children and young carer groups (yes, also schoolkids, but further afield) in music making.

They also have 1,000(?) free tickets to their concerts each year.

LlynTegid · 30/04/2023 10:45

I hope your DD can resume learning an instrument, it can be a lifelong pleasure regardless of the level of playing.

Sorry to read of your encountering nasty people.

CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 11:08

They were being dicks. But I don't believe "lowering the tone." I would put money on them not saying that.

DiddyHeck · 30/04/2023 11:12

Loria · 30/04/2023 01:07

I don't even know what you're trying to say here.

"Look at me, I took my young child to an orchestral concert".

That seems to be the long and the short of it.

The rest isn't worthy of an eye-roll if it happened.

Original poster
BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 11:30

DiddyHeck · 30/04/2023 11:12

"Look at me, I took my young child to an orchestral concert".

That seems to be the long and the short of it.

The rest isn't worthy of an eye-roll if it happened.

Show quote history

Well, of all the far fetched posts on Mumsnet, you choose to pick on this one?

Yes it did happen. There are some miserable people around. Not saying it's the majority, but you must have come across them in your life too 🙄

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 30/04/2023 11:55

BelleMarionette · 30/04/2023 11:30

Well, of all the far fetched posts on Mumsnet, you choose to pick on this one?

Yes it did happen. There are some miserable people around. Not saying it's the majority, but you must have come across them in your life too 🙄

Show quote history

Your thread title doesn't even match the 'problem'.

The venue sold snacks, you bought one, couple next to you apparently had a problem with that. So what? You won't have been the only person who purchased one.

As you said yourself, "there are some miserable people around" 🤷‍♀️