With the parents of my child’s bullies

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I’ve set up a separate account as I want this to remain anonymous. This week I discovered that my child’s friends have been bullying them online. They have sent numerous threats, told them they will beat them up, get them, posted videos of people being murdered and shot, called them vile names, goaded them etc, etc, etc. my child was unable to go to school as a result and eventually told me why. I went through all of the online content. It was horrific. School have seen all of this, called and sent it to parents and have dealt with it really well in a very short space of time.

The issue is that the parents of these children are my friends, some of them very close friends. On informing school I then sent a very conciliatory message to the parents involved, saying that I hoped we could deal with this without it coming between us. There were no accusations just “this has happened, I want to let you know what I’ve done, I hope it doesn’t come between any of us and that we can deal with it as adults” Two have responded brilliantly, taken on board what’s happened, apologised etc. One is very much minimising it. Two others have completely blanked me. I haven’t tried to contact them again. I’m trying to put myself in their shoes but the longer it goes without any acknowledgement, the harder it is not to become angry about this. Thx

I just don't think any child needs access to social media, as in a personal mobile phone until at least senior school .

Most platforms are 13yrs plus and the content is questionable, tick tok for example.

I was at my grandsons 8th Birthday party at the weekend and all the kids there had a mobile phone.

Year 6 is too young for phones

I hope your child is ok ☹️

I don't feel as if the parents actions are good enough, therefore I wouldn't want to remain friends with any of them!

Apologising isn't good enough, a lot of people don't understand the effects that bullying can have on a child.

Year 6 does seem to be the age that pupils suddenly have access to phones. All parents say they closely monitor use but this situation is all too familiar to teachers. Sometimes it is very hard to resolve. We have had situations where one child is abusive and threatening on a platform, and the victim's parents are understandably furious. But then we discover that the victim was an equally abusive perpetrator on another platform. These parents may be taking the time to look into this thoroughly and could yet respond appropriately.

My experience is that some parents continue to believe bullying is part of growing up so there is nothing wrong with their child being a bully. Others don't go so far as that but would prefer their child to be part of the "in" crowd that a victim so will keep quiet as they don't want to rock the boat.
What I found disturbing considering how long I had been friends with some of the parents of DD's bullies was that they essentially agreed with their child and supported what she was doing. I also then began to be more conscious of the dynamics in our friendship group and realised that mutual friends and acquaintances picked "their" side, perhaps because they themselves didn't want to be excluded or because they were worried about their children.
If it was a David Attenborough narrated documentary, it would be fascinating. As it is, it is DD's, mine and DS's lives (he was friends was the brother of one of the more passive members of the bullying group) and has had a massive impact on us.

Some people are not good people or good parents, you've met some of those.

Our children do sometimes let us down, but how we respond defines us as people and parents.

Sorry about your poor DD

I would happily put a hammer through the phone if I’m honest and agree that the majority of 11 year olds don’t have the life skills to deal with a smart phone. That probably goes for most of the adult population too !

DC got their phone at the beginning of this year as they were walking to and from school alone. This is something the school allows with parental consent from year 5 which seems to be when most kids get access to one, if not before.

I agree that only a tiny minority of parents actually monitor them. When my oldest DC first had access to a phone I was concerned that she should be able to maintain some privacy at her age. I laugh at that mindset now ! In the years since I’ve completely changed my view on that. If they have a phone, as a parent you need to be checking exactly they’re doing and where, for the safety of your own kids and everyone else’s.

Put your child first. If they have blanked you then they have answered you- just not in the way you expected. Lesson learned.

Name changed.

A child at school spat in my foster son's face because he is black.

What are they teaching their child at home?

Perhaps bear this in mind in respect
of the parents who are blanking you! They should be making their child apologise too!