Partner puts dog above me

[Notgotaclue207]

So background I’m heavily pregnant, not exactly going to be able to do much but want some reassurance that I’m not insane. Dog belongs to partner from before our relationship.

Partner:

• Despite me asking since falling pregnant wont put the dog in the living room to sleep - I don’t want the dog upstairs at night because baby will set dog off and vice versa and I want the dog to not associate the change with the baby.
• let’s the dog sit on anything in the house including all of my blankets, let’s the dog chew on them and baby’s the dog
• washes the dogs paws in our FOOD BOWLS when I’ve complained enough about why there is mud trekked around the house and then leaves them outside the house for me to collect up
• Leaves the dog with me for over half the week and says I can’t leave the dog alone EVER

i love this man and some of this isn’t new but the washing paws in food bowl has driven me completely insane and I’ve stormed out.

am I overreacting? I know the bowl will get washed but I think it’s completely gross.
I feel like I am being completely disrespected.

Really daft to not discuss the impact of having a baby ahead of time.

Especially because it's his dog from before you even met.

OP you're not thinking straight. You can't control him but you can control yourself. What does that mean? It means you can put the dog in a different room. You can train the dog to stay off the bed. Etc.

He can argue with you but he will look like a tit and quite honestly, if he's going to flake out and not be a decent partner and father then you're better off knowing now so you can get rid.

You've said exactly what I was thinking.

There's no right or wrong way to "do dog ownership" - even when a baby comes along, people will have different ideas and expectations.

And to PP - no, not everyone changes how they treat their dog once a child comes along.

The fourth bullet point is the one that would drive me mad. He doesn't get to decide whether or not you can leave the house.

Who the fuck does he think he is, ordering you to stay home? It’s his dog, he pus dog sitters/walkers.

Not sure what Mumsnet can do for you op. You let your partner know what's bothering you and if he changes then good, if he doesn't then you either lower your standards and expectations to fit in around him and accept he doesn't respect your boundaries or you end the relationship.

Despite me asking since falling pregnant wont put the dog in the living room to sleep - I don’t want the dog upstairs at night because baby will set dog off and vice versa and I want the dog to not associate the change with the baby.

I think this needs to be done ASAP. The dog can’t sleep in the same room as the baby whilst you are asleep. That’s just a safety thing.

let’s the dog sit on anything in the house including all of my blankets, let’s the dog chew on them and baby’s the dog

You need to move your blankets to a place the dog can’t get to them. Ask him to move them if he sees you’ve forgotten.

‘Babys’ the dog. I don’t know what this means. Cuddling, kissing, talking in silly voice? Who cares. Something else? You’d have to specify what you mean.

washes the dogs paws in our FOOD BOWLS when I’ve complained enough about why there is mud trekked around the house and then leaves them outside the house for me to collect up

He doesn’t mind but you do, so the compromise is to get the dog some bowls for his feet. And your partner should clear away when he’s done.

Leaves the dog with me for over half the week and says I can’t leave the dog alone EVER

He needs to arrange day care or sitters if the dog always needs company. Surely this was an issue before the pregnancy.
All this should have been sorted before the pregnancy. You don’t sound very suited.

Totally gross. I couldn't live with that. Why have a kid with someone who does things like this?

I'm afraid that I'm inclined to agree with this, OP.

Sounds RUFF to me ;)
He sounds BARKING mad to put the dog first
It shows DOGged commitment to a pet!

WOOF

Poor dog, I hope when it's inevitably rehomed it ends up in a home where its wanted and not sold on gumtree to fight ringers as so many are.

OP I am a doglover with children. I currently have one of mine on my knee. I also think you can never completely trust any dog, around babies/small children. I am not at all saying get rid of the dog, just please be aware.

Is the dog very old at all? 😉

in all seriousness the sleeping and sofa and chewing would annoy me (not my thing) but expecting you to limit your life to stay in with his dog is the real issue I can see here.

Well I treat my cats like kings and let them sleep on my bed, scratch my furniture etc but I've chosen to stay single because I love my cats more than blokes.
But if he wants to be a dick like this maybe you should take the baby and flip him off. He has zero respect for you and expects you to do all of HIS dog sitting duties, what a flaming cheek.
He won't ever change you realise that? He will dump you with the baby also.

Dog owner here of many years. I've never heard of washing dog paws in a food bowl!

Oh look another dog thread what a coincidence 🤔

The dog needs to go if you're having a baby. Why would you even consider getting pregnant with a dog in the house.

YABU to expect him to put his beloved dog to sleep downstairs, when it’s probably slept with him since birth. It won’t work anyway, the dog will just cry. YABU to expect him to stop the dog sitting anywhere, when it’s obviously done this for years. You’re trying to push the dog out in favour of your baby and it’s mean. If you didn’t like his relationship with his dog why did you move in with him in the first place?

Can’t believe there are people living and breathing who are this nasty.

Why is putting a child before a dog nasty?

Getting rid of a dog because you’re having a baby is nasty and unnecessary. Like getting rid of your first born child because a new one has come along.

It's not a child. It's a dog.

Are you saying that a dog and a firstborn child are equivalent? And that getting rid of a dog if you have a baby is like getting rid of an older sibling ?

I see the unhinged who can’t differentiate between animals and children have arrived.

I'm with you tbf OP.
I don't think I'd mind some of that generally speaking but I'd feel like the dog was being seen as the priority if some of that didn't change as the arrival of the baby got closer.

I would say maybe get a specific dog bowl for the paws and you two really need to have a conversation and agree where the dog will be sleeping when baby arrives as you're right, the dog needs to be used to a new sleeping arrangement as early as possible or it may associate the change purely with the baby and get jealous.

Some babies sleep like babies I'm sure. Mine didn't and would wake at the slightest noise and scream for me. (Doors clicking shut, floorboards, tvs in a different room, my body parts popping, me undoing my bra, the list really goes on for me!)

It was like a light switched when I got pregnant and I seemed to realise how filthy and attention seeking our dog was. It was like innate biology. Finding dog hairs in the cot and when our baby was eating etc, no matter how much we vacuumed! 🤮 and constant attention seeking. It took him shitting in our bedroom for DH to see that I didn't want to have him around our baby. He agreed that we couldn't cope with him and got rid. Don't regret it.