To have major homeowner anxiety

[single50]

Hi all. I'm newly single at 50 and sharing parenting time with my ex. This is the first time I have owned my own home and I'm struggling with anxiety relating to the house. Had a major leak when I moved in, and now I panic every time I see a ceiling crack, or hear a creak. I'm worse when my kids aren't with me. Has anyone else experienced this?

I was the same in my first flat after being flooded out by the upstairs tenant repeatedly! I still panic at the sound of water escaping and it's been a long time....

Not sure what the answer is, but solidarity!

Yes, I've been the same since I bought my flat, two years ago this July.

I get anxious about cracks, wonky floorboards, all sorts. Last year I had a section of the privet hedge in my garden randomly die. I posted online for advice and someone mentioned it was likely a fungal infection that would spread without being aggressively treated. I had a gardener come out to sort it but for a while I got really anxious thinking it would spread to the rest of my hedge, then to my neighbours hedges, they'd all be dying off and neighbours would need to be spending loads on gardeners and they'd all know it was my fault.

Turns out it was absolutely fine, the rest of my hedge remains healthy and nothing bad happened.

If like me you're someone who tends to catastrophise, try to relax and remind yourself that it often isn't as bad as you think it could be. Easier said than done I know.

Do you know any builders? I have a friend who is a builder, he popped round to have a look at the cracks in my wall and deemed them very minor and not a concern, which reassured me greatly.

I understand.
To be honest I'd rather not own a house because of this.
It still feels precarious to me.

I had this but honestly I would rather be in the position of having to sort house related tasks and repairs out myself than relying on someone else / a landlord who’s hard to get a hold of.

I get this completely. However, when something goes wrong in your own house, you can have it fixed straight away if you like. If rented, you have to wait for someone else to do it (which in my experience isn't quick).

Less precarious than someone deciding they're about to sell your home and you have to find somewhere in the next X weeks.

Make dare you have appropriate insurance in places

I do have this. I never realised that is what it is called until I saw your thread title

sure - sodding autocorrect

I’ve just repaired a leak in my house after a nearly a year, I have my fridge freezer running off an extension lead due to a faulty socket, the taps are turned off in the kitchen due to a leak and I’m struggling to get the cartridge off. Oh and had to replace five blown windows (sealed units failed) it is what it is. None of it is life threatening. The house is actually not very old and you wouldn’t really notice because it’s tidy and well decorated.

That may be the case.

I was just trying to express I can still see how there could be a situation where I could lose the house.

If you can afford it, you could take out a household insurance policy. It can cover leaks, boiler failure, electrics. It means that in an emergency ( not routine stuff) someone will be sent out to sort it. Shop around for the best deal though.

Make sure you have house insurance, deal with any water ingress promptly.

We have several cracks in our house - the plaster is "blown" (detached from the brick below) so just cosmetic. No need to fret about it.

Thanks @Allelbowsandtoes. Do you find that the anxiety abated over time? And did you get it in similar circumstances - first home owned in your own name and newly single?

@Nimbostratus100 - me either. I googled it to try to find a term as that is often how you can see how other people dealt with it. Do you have any tips on how you deal with it. I'm trying to do meditation and also learn a bit about houses so I don't feel overwhelmed when talking about it (words like "cladding", "soffit" and "joists" make me feel a bit sick TBH).

Thanks @PinkFootstool ! I get triggered by the sound of heavy rain....

for me its the sound of a football being stuck - it once cost me £5000.....

but to be realistic, I have lived here nearly 30 years, and have very rarely had any issues.

That ball was very unlucky, and 15 years ago!

I have full British gas home care insurance - it is expensive, but I think it has saved me money over the years, I have called on it many times

Why not sign up for a home maintenance course - preferably one you can attend in person rather than online? Not only would you gain a bit of knowledge but there would be other folks to chat to about your worries.

Here's one... https://thebtc.co.uk/brochure/home-maintenance-courses/

I also find it a bit scary and overwhelming, it helps if you can learn to do some things yourself and if you can find good trades people that you trust- get them in for a small job and then use them again if you liked them and felt comfortable with them, that kind of thing.

Thanks! I'll try that out.

Is it the prospect of the cost that is causing this anxiety? You could look at whether you can afford to put money into a savings account for maintenance. Some things you can organise to help feel in control: annual boiler/gas check, home call out service or collect local recommendations for tradespeople, and add to your own knowledge of how a house is built/works and the terminology for parts of it.

Otherwise it is not surprising that you feel anxious, you’re newly single so getting used to that, and dare I say it, menopause can cause anxiety too. Might be worth thinking about your overall wellbeing and how you can perhaps use some techniques that might help you generally and not just with the house aspect.

I can get a bit like this too, I find it far too easy to spiral into catastrophic thinking when something minor happens. I’ve noticed that my anxiety about the house tends to be worse when there’s other stressful stuff going on in my life.

Usually though things turn out to be easier to deal with than the worst case scenario I was imagining.

The advice pp have given about house insurance, learning about basic house maintenance etc is good, and may help.

I totally understand your panic after having a burst pipe. I have anxiety so the clicking of 2 pipes in the corner by one of my radiators always worries me. I have to remind myself that's it's just this house, on the same way that my previous houses had their own noises too. Eventually they'll (hopefully) become a comfort, because it's YOUR house and these are just its quirks. I've always lived alone, and it feels a little like it's me and my house against the world, because it's my place of safety and sanctuary. Where I can close the door behind me and drop my guard down. Hopefully this wonky, slightly leaky, 19th century cottage will be my forever home, but I still miss the 'sounds' of my first house (20 year old 'new' build....creaky floorboards in the bedroom and most of all the knock in the ceiling as the central heating warmed the pipes up.

To clarify, what in trying to say is that new builds and 200 yr old houses all have their quirks, their problems and their noises.

There's a wealth of information out there on the internet. You can google things like "What are soffits" and "what is cladding in normal houses" and you'll find yourself off a path of enlightenment. I started off at 23 not knowing a thing, but just reading, researching and teaching myself. It got to the point where my Grandad would phone me before he rang British Gas, and if any staff phone in with "Help, I've locked myself in the house" or "Can't come in today, the electrics have blown and I'm waiting for the energy electrician" my boss would ask me to nio round to see if I could solve the problem (and I work in the NHS, not a trade!). My parents also bought me this book which was invaluable...(Readers Digest complete DIY manual if it won't let me post links).... https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.amazon.co.uk/Readers-Digest-DIY-Manual-Classic/dp/0276429338&ved=2ahUKEwjmxKnCk8_-AhXzgP0HHRZyBUQQFnoECCIQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1XAlLe9qTWGkFHwSnlgB8D

Don't let this overwhelm you. It's within easy reach of you to overcome so many of the unknowns by reading and learning. Arm yourself! You're strong, You're independent and you can do this!! xx

Agreed.
OP, just find a decent local tradesman.