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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking baby registries are tacky?

42 replies

Joppi · 28/04/2023 19:54

As I am expecting a baby, a couple of people have asked if I will be doing a baby registry. Is it common for people to actually do these? To me it just seems like a transparent ask for money which feels a bit cheeky, especially if you’re sharing the list with acquaintances/people less close with you… (I have been on the receiving end of this in the past)

OP posts:
itsabigtree · 28/04/2023 19:57

I personally wouldn't do it and would be a bit surprised if someone sent me one. But if people want to buy you a gift, it's better that they know what you'd actually need rather than receive 100000 teddies, so do be confident to tell your closest what to buy if them ask.

FairlySane · 28/04/2023 19:57

Baby Registry ? What new hell is this ?

gettingoldisshit · 28/04/2023 19:57

I agree op, it's tacky and grabby!

RoseAndRose · 28/04/2023 19:57

No, it's not common

Because (unlike weddings, where the guest list can be huge) it's likely that the group of people who will buy something for the baby is much smaller and any co-ordination can by done by conversation (whether spoken or written)

EsmeSusanOgg · 28/04/2023 20:00

We didn't, but a lot of people asked. I think it's just the same principle as a wedding registry. People don't want to get you duplicates of stuff.

I wouldn't say they're tacky. But that doesn't mean they have to be for you.

EsmeSusanOgg · 28/04/2023 20:01

I will add, we have family and friends scattered around the UK and abroad. Which may have influenced why people asked us, most of the folks asking were not living close by.

IhearyouClemFandango · 28/04/2023 20:01

Never seen one in real life tbh. Hideous

TomatoSandwiches · 28/04/2023 20:04

Yes, tacky and grabby and imo bad luck, but that's just my cultural superstition peaking through.

Fine to have people visit the baby and yourself after a few weeks with a gift though.

Original poster
Joppi · 28/04/2023 20:09

FairlySane · 28/04/2023 19:57

Baby Registry ? What new hell is this ?

I think it’s like a wedding registry where you share a link of items you want and people contribute £ towards said items. It does seem like it’s a fairly new concept but based on people asking I wonder if it’s becoming a ‘thing’ 😱

OP posts:
Original poster
Joppi · 28/04/2023 20:10

From the responses, it doesn’t seem to be very common. I guess it’s a similar concept to weddings where people will ask you to contribute towards honeymoon etc, but that’s a bit different as you’re a guest at a wedding

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 28/04/2023 20:17

We didn't do a register but family did ask and we agreed a couple of places to get vouchers towards the more expensive items.

We have gone on to do the same for family. We also suggested to friends who asked for gift ideas they buy their favorite childhood book and we created a library.

Monkeymonkeymoo · 28/04/2023 20:34

I think it’s a cultural thing. In places where it’s common to have baby showers or give gifts when someone has a baby it’s a practical way of making sure that the new parents get things that they actually need/want (the parents have often done a lot of research and have good reasons for wanting specific items that will work for them- it stops money being wasted on things that won’t get used). It’s usually just seen as a suggestion/list of ideas though rather than a list of demands.

In the UK showers are less common and people tend to give smaller token gifts (like a small toy/book or item of clothing). I think it’s less necessary and might be seen as a bit grabby.
If people are asking what you’d like then I think it’s fine to give them a few ideas though (which is all a registry is).
Some sites also offer a discount for things that are on your registry that haven’t been purchased.

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 20:42

Oh look, another boring MN“I hate baby showers” thread. How predictable 🙄

BarkyMatherson · 28/04/2023 20:45

Unprompted asking for a specific gift is always vulgar.

Oysterbabe · 28/04/2023 20:59

I don't anyone who did one. Not common at all.

Topi226 · 28/04/2023 22:55

Yes I find them grabby. If close family ask then I'd give some ideas but honestly even if I had multiple presents the same it wouldn't bother me. It's the thought that counts and you can always donate to a family in need.
My sil once sent me a registry for bil birthday and I felt really uncomfortable as it was all a lot more than we wanted to pay.

RoseAndRose · 29/04/2023 05:59

Joppi · 28/04/2023 20:09

I think it’s like a wedding registry where you share a link of items you want and people contribute £ towards said items. It does seem like it’s a fairly new concept but based on people asking I wonder if it’s becoming a ‘thing’ 😱

Show quote history

Oh gosh, I just thought it was a list.

Publishing your shopping list an asking for money is really tacky, and I wouldn't do that even for a wedding (list of gifts is OK though)

And "shower-type gift" whether bridal or baby is always small/useful and probably inexpensive (that's the US tradition, and glad to see it finally acknowledged for UK!)

TakeMe2Insanity · 29/04/2023 06:17

John Lewis do one. It’s called something else. We created one with them simply as we wanted to buy everything in one go once the baby was safely here. We didn’t give the details to anyone but such a relief not to have the items in the house until we were ready to do so.

electriclight · 29/04/2023 06:20

I wouldn't circulate one unsolicited but don't see the harm in creating one and giving it to the people who ask. If you were my friend, I'd rather buy something you wanted than your billionth babygro and soft toy.

Tinybrother · 29/04/2023 06:21

They have been around a long time but I have never seen one

aprilshowers2015 · 29/04/2023 06:26

We didn't do this but we shared our personal Amazon wish/shopping list with anyone that asked for it. We made it clear we were not expecting anyone to finance nipple cream or cotton wool but we did add some more gift-type products like milestone cards.
TBH I wish more people had asked for it as we ended up with 5 identical jelly at bunnies, several copies of the same book etc.

LongRoadtoNowhere · 29/04/2023 06:28

My friend threw me a baby shower and asked for a list of things we wanted to share with the attendees beforehand so there wouldn’t be gift duplicates etc. I found it SO uncomfortable!

I understand it’s more helpful for others to know what to buy but my god, I’d never be able to create a registry!

Inthemiddleofthenightdu · 29/04/2023 06:34

Yep tacky. Even more tackier is when it's a high-end shop gift list. SIL handed out a Mamas and Papas gift list without anyone even asking for it. Then again she did also have two baby showers. So she was the ultimate grabby fucker.

I refused to have a baby shower when I had children as I think they're unnecessary.

anotherscroller · 29/04/2023 06:36

It comes from the USA. Ignore.

Totalwasteofpaper · 29/04/2023 06:36

Yabu.

Its considerate and helpful to others and yourself.
I had an amazon and JL "wish list" for anyone who asked.

It meant i ended up with a load of baby crap that i wanted instead of a load of crap i didnt want

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