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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking baby registries are tacky?

42 replies

Joppi · 28/04/2023 19:54

As I am expecting a baby, a couple of people have asked if I will be doing a baby registry. Is it common for people to actually do these? To me it just seems like a transparent ask for money which feels a bit cheeky, especially if you’re sharing the list with acquaintances/people less close with you… (I have been on the receiving end of this in the past)

OP posts:
Scroobydoo · 29/04/2023 07:12

I think it depends - we had both sides of extended family asking what they could get us/what we needed for the baby (first gc on both sides)

In that case it was easier just to share an Amazon wishlist of different things we needed in various budgets. Instead of having to keep track of what I've told who, and whether they are getting that or something else and what budgets are etc etc.

Throwing your own shower or sending out a list un-prompted is tacky I would agree.

WaltzingWaters · 29/04/2023 07:16

Definitely tacky and grabby. I definitely wouldn’t and would be less inclined to get a present for anyone who sent me their registry.
If people want to get a present they’ll either just get what they want or ask what you need.

Ossification · 29/04/2023 07:17

Tacky McTackface! As are baby showers, gender reveal parties and hen nights at a Magic Mike performance!
And they come across as rather grabby.
But maybe I am old-fashioned as well as being ashamed about how this country is becoming another state of America!

lap90 · 29/04/2023 07:22

The first time i received one (last baby shower invite), i thought it was tacky because the person who sent it had not been in touch. They sent out a baby shower invitation with a link to the registry and i remember congratulating them and saying that i had no idea they were even pregnant. Felt a big grabby.

They've since done the same for their evening wedding reception.

RampantIvy · 29/04/2023 07:25

I have never heard of a baby registry before.

Every day is a school day.

CoalCraft · 29/04/2023 07:29

I think they're cringey whether it's for a wedding or a baby or whatever.

TenoringBehind · 29/04/2023 07:40

These are another of those ‘only on MN’ events as far as I’m concerned. They just don’t happen where I live.

Anycrispsleft · 29/04/2023 08:16

TomatoSandwiches · 28/04/2023 20:04

Yes, tacky and grabby and imo bad luck, but that's just my cultural superstition peaking through.

Fine to have people visit the baby and yourself after a few weeks with a gift though.

I wonder if there are any shops that do a service where they only deliver the stuff once the baby was born? We could have done with that (registry or no). I had twins after recurrent miscarriage and it was difficult balancing the need to get some twin-specific stuff in advance with my wish not to have to come back to a house full of baby stuff if anything went wrong. But to be honest when it does go wrong it's so shit that seeing a peak or a pair of socks etc hardly matters, it's not as if you're not thinking about it 24/7 anyway.

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 08:33

Rank. I don’t go through life expecting people to buy me the shit I need for my choices. Token gifts always welcome and gratefully received, but not expected, but I would be uncomfortable with people trying to buy the big stuff.

And as for asking for it? Fuck no.

Original poster
Joppi · 29/04/2023 08:50

Marble- I love the book idea! - makes things more personalised.

Iap90 - yes that’s v cheeky considering you didn’t even know they were pregnant!

Ossification - totally agree 😂

inmiddleofthenight and topi226 - so cheeky! I guess if you’re someone who does this, you do end up with more cash/gifts but it’s so obvious and shameless

I get that it directs people to buy something that is useful/avoid duplicates, if close family were to ask me I would possibly give them some ideas. It’s creating the list and sharing it unsolicited that seems a bit much. From the comments it seems to sometimes happen as part of the baby shower.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joppi · 29/04/2023 08:51

Anycrispsleft · 29/04/2023 08:16

I wonder if there are any shops that do a service where they only deliver the stuff once the baby was born? We could have done with that (registry or no). I had twins after recurrent miscarriage and it was difficult balancing the need to get some twin-specific stuff in advance with my wish not to have to come back to a house full of baby stuff if anything went wrong. But to be honest when it does go wrong it's so shit that seeing a peak or a pair of socks etc hardly matters, it's not as if you're not thinking about it 24/7 anyway.

Show quote history

Yes totally understandable - I think one of the previous posters said they did a John Lewis list with all items so they could order in one go once baby had arrived

OP posts:
sugarspices · 29/04/2023 08:59

I'm pregnant and have an Amazon wish list with mainly our favourite childhood books on there but a couple of other bits and pieces. If people tell me that they want to buy a gift for the baby, and ask what we would like I tell them about the list and send them a link 🤷🏻‍♀️ I would never pre-empt that conversation and just send a link to someone unsuspecting.

The people that have asked have essentially said that they don't want to duplicate things we already have or waste money buying something we don't want!

Sceptre86 · 29/04/2023 09:00

People don't want to give duplicates. I don't think it's a bad idea for family. We had our 3rd baby and I got shed loads of clothes despite saying I had kept dd1's clothes. So much didn't get worn and was often in the wrong season as dd 2 was a big baby and was in a larger size than her age. I would have preferred vouchers for next or similar so I could have bought what she needed when she needed it.

I didn't use one as I didn't want anyone to feel obligated.

Abracadabra12345 · 29/04/2023 09:09

FairlySane · 28/04/2023 19:57

Baby Registry ? What new hell is this ?

Exactly my thought! There's gender reveal parties, baby showers, christenings (often only for the party) and now this?!

Tinybrother · 29/04/2023 10:03

It’s not really new. I heard of it in the U.K. years ago. But I’ve never seen one in real life.

anotherscroller · 29/04/2023 19:21

I also think the name is cringingly, simperingly grabby in its euphemistic character. REGISTRY.
why not just call it what it is, a wish list or a baby gift list?
so American, like ‘purity rings’ or whatever.

Janedoelondon · 29/04/2023 19:25

FairlySane · 28/04/2023 19:57

Baby Registry ? What new hell is this ?

My thoughts exactly! Never heard of one..

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