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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do nothing in the evenings?

33 replies

mynamechangemyrules · 27/04/2023 16:40

I am a full time working solo mum of 3 children.

I finish work/ cook something (crap generally) clear it up/ bedtime/ a load of washing in or out or back/ bed.

Other people run, do yoga, DIY, crafting. Cook nice food for themselves...

I do nothing. I just about keep my eyes open till 9, possibly watch a bit of TV or have a bath.

100% asleep by 10.

Why can't I motivate myself to do something after the kids bed..?!! 🤬🤪😫

OP posts:
Neededanewuserhandle · 27/04/2023 17:22

YANBU

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 27/04/2023 17:24

I'm the same. Also single parent to 3 children. I work 25 hours a week but am often required to cover extra hours. Have a dog and one child has SEN. By the time 8pm rolls around I'm good for nothing! I like to have a bath, get into bed and watch tv and relax for a bit before falling asleep.

Bananarama77 · 27/04/2023 17:26

Do whatever you like even if that’s watching TV. I rarely do much in the evenings during the week except catch up on all my rubbish tv shows. Don’t feel bad about it, very few people actually do those things in the evening anyway

Ragwort · 27/04/2023 17:27

I doubt many people are really doing all those things regularly if they are single mums and working full time. I work part time, no DC at home, a retired DH who does most of the housework, cooking & gardening and I rarely do anything in the evenings Grin ... maybe once a week a committee meeting or see friends !

WinchSparkle80 · 27/04/2023 17:29

Yanbu, I am married, both ft jobs, I do about 50 hrs a week. Get up quite early, but by 7pm am good for nothing. Always in bed by 9, asleep after 10pm news.

Persuaderama · 27/04/2023 17:30

Why do you want to do something? If you don’t want to, don’t!

HaveYouSeenTheTime · 27/04/2023 17:31

My kids have left home. I have a very stressful job. I socialise at the weekends.

In the week I watch Netflix and eat crisps in the evenings. No guilt from me!

GloomySkies · 27/04/2023 17:36

Why can't I motivate myself to do something after the kids bed..?!!

Because you're fucking knackered.

maddiemookins16mum · 27/04/2023 17:44

Who are these ‘other people’? Your colleagues?

Highworth · 27/04/2023 17:48

I work part time and my kids are adults. I spend most evenings watch tv and reading random stuff on the internet.

Cuwins · 27/04/2023 17:51

I only work 1 day a week and have 1 DD (aged 14m) and all I do once she is in bed is have a tidy up, maybe do the online shop then sit and watch a bit of TV/mess about on my phone. In bed by 9 without fail although sometimes read/mess about on my phone for an hour or so. And I'm not a single parent!

Highworth · 27/04/2023 17:52

Do you actually want to do something or are you happy with things?
I read something from a PT somewhere. Not taken the advice because I am generally lazy but she said don’t bother trying to find motivation. It’s a waste of energy that you don’t need to expend. Just accept that you have no motivation but build into your live the time to do stuff anyway and just get on and force yourself to do it until it becomes a habit.

CheersForThatEh · 27/04/2023 17:55

I craft while I watch telly! And even then I cba a lot of the time. The energy is in the learning. It's ok to be content watching telly.

Londontoderby · 27/04/2023 18:01

I think you’re doing more than enough, cut yourself some slack. This life stage will pass and things will get easier as they get older, then you will have more time to do things after work.

Mykingdomforanap · 27/04/2023 18:06

Unless the drip feed is your kids are in their 30s I’m thinking you are grand

LoobyDop · 27/04/2023 18:14

I don’t have any kids at all, and I don’t do anything in the evenings. Once we’ve had dinner and tidied up, I take my makeup off, change into lounging clothes, park myself on the sofa, and I’m done. Fall asleep in front of the telly and go to bed at ten. I’m a morning person, I get up and exercise every day at 6. I don’t want busy evenings, and I don’t feel guilty about that, but it is quite difficult to explain to other people.

piedbeauty · 27/04/2023 18:15

Don't expect too much of yourself! Sounds like you have a busy long day and you're tired. Not surprising!!

What about doing something for yourself at the weekend instead?

GoBubbles · 27/04/2023 18:26

Highworth · 27/04/2023 17:52

Do you actually want to do something or are you happy with things?
I read something from a PT somewhere. Not taken the advice because I am generally lazy but she said don’t bother trying to find motivation. It’s a waste of energy that you don’t need to expend. Just accept that you have no motivation but build into your live the time to do stuff anyway and just get on and force yourself to do it until it becomes a habit.

An excellent advice. I used to struggle to get up early as I thought I was too sleepy. Then my friend told me about the magical technique “you do not need to wake up, just get up”.

QueefQueen80s · 27/04/2023 18:28

I think your way is far more common than anything else. Don't believe social media!

MinnieMountain · 27/04/2023 18:30

I work 3 days a week. The only reason I’m not in my PJS right now is that DS is at parcour.

MumUndone · 27/04/2023 18:32

Do you want to be doing something more with your evenings? If not, YANBU to be doing nothing.

Ylvamoon · 27/04/2023 18:35

When DH was working nights I pretty much didn't do anything in the evenings.

However I did some "socialising" during DC activities with the other parents- we are still friends & meet up sometimes.

Now that the DC are late teens, DH is working daytime and I have finally time to do do my hobby once a week.

I always go swimming at the weekend (when DC were young they came with me) and sometimes in the week.

I think while DC are under 14 it's difficult to go out for hobbies in the evening. Once they are older and happy to be left for an hour or two, you can start having hobbies outside the home - or just relax with a book and bath as you have always done!

Tumbleweed101 · 27/04/2023 18:36

I often have 10hr days at work. Home to family and do dinner and jobs then watch TV/movies or browse Internet. Once a week I might go out with a friend. I do a bit more at weekends, but even then not in evening. I'm a single parent too. Think it's normal when you work and have family responsibilities.

Caspianberg · 27/04/2023 18:46

Nope.
6-7pm dinner prep/eat/ tidy
7-8pm play with Ds/ other chores
8-9/9.30pm Ds bath/ story and bed. He won’t sleep unless I’m with him and can take ages. So I’m just in bed with him.
After that, I pretty much just do teeth, check cats fed etc and go to bed myself to read and sleep.
Ideally asleep by 10pm as Ds still wakes often and early so I’m knackered.

Plottingspringescape · 27/04/2023 18:48

I have a DH who pulls his weight, and only one DC, and my evenings sound very similar to yours. Don't beat yourself up, enjoy the little bit of down time you get in a day.