Does anyone else just feel so down about their house?

[Grasss]

I feel like I'm probably being a bit unreasonable but this has been getting me down for weeks. I just feel like everyone else's house is nicer than ours. There just feels like so many things to do and no time in the world to do them.

We own our house, it's not in the nicest of areas but not terrible either. It's an ex council house, not the prettiest to look at from the outside.

Inside everything is pretty tidy but it just feels not properly clean all the time. We have 3 kids, one a toddler and me and DH (and a dog!) So it just feels... Not dirty necessarily but not clean either all the time.

I try to have a bit of a full clean when I can between full time work and children but it feels back to square one again within a week. The walls always have some sort of mark on them, dirty hand prints here and there, the bathroom desperately needs doing up but we can't afford it right now.

I go to my friends houses and they all seem to have such nice pristine homes even with little kids and I wonder what it is I'm doing wrong. Everything in our house feels half finished and a bit grubby.

How do people keep show style homes whilst living with multiple kids and working full time?!?!?! I appreciate it sounds very dramatic but it's depressing me at the moment. Everything could do with a good makeover and proper scrub but without the money or time for it I just feel a bit shit about it.

Anyone else feel like this? Like their house isn't awful by any means but it still gets you down and never feels "done".

@Grasss I think the best plan would be to send your toddler to grandparents do your big full clean then get a cleaner who if your house is in good order to start would be happy to just start off with 2/3 hours weekly or fortnightly

Been there too! Our house feels better now because I've got rid of so much stuff. It was just clutter and it made everything look cramped and grubby.

If you can't afford cleaners etc (I can't either) start with a really good clean out. Be ruthless. Get rid of everything that you don't need. There being less stuff will help with how clean it looks and will also let you clean as you go (start in 1 room & get it done before moving to another).

Once it's finished it will be easier to keep clean too

I feel your pain. We’ve been in our house for 18 years and rooms we painted when we first arrived are properly grubby again - my kids are grown now but quite slobby, nothing ever feels clean. And I am lucky enough to have a cleaner but it’s not her issue that the paintwork is knocked around and chipped and foot tiles are cracking and grouting falling out. Also I hate painting.

In other people's homes we tend to see far more of the overall impression than the minutiae and our eyes are naturally drawn to the attractive things in the room. So you might notice the lovely wallpaper but are less likely to be looking down at the skirting boards for chips. In your home, once you've seen the hand print, the fraying, the wear and tear, you can't unsee it and it hits you the minute you walk in. For a quick lift I'd suggest getting some items that you love looking at, cushions, rug, plant, flower in a vase to draw your eye and give you a bit of feel good about that room.

I am having major house hate at the moment. Not sure if WFH is exacerbating my feelings?

When we moved in (8 years ago) we did the whole place up and it's now just a tatty shell of how it used to be. We've had 3 kids and 3 cats with us but the house is just run down (as am I)

Kitchen floor desperately needs replacing but the whole house really needs to be re carpeted and we need a new oven.

I've long since given up on having a cleaner as you really can't polish a turd. I keep things clean but I am actually at the point of feeling embarrassed about the state of my house.

This thread is a good reminder that I need to sort things out.

Do you have any money you can throw at the problem? At a similar life stage, one of our neighbour's teens was desperate to do some money so she spent a couple of hours going around the house wiping the walls and then another couple with a fluffy duster thing doing the corners, tops of things, lampshades. None of it required any level of skill. Just time.
I think I paid her something like £30 in total and we both came away from it thinking we'd done well out of it!

There used to be a website called Fly Lady. It was all about cleaning and routines. If you signed up you would get email reminders about different tasks during the day. It got annoying in the end, but the things that stuck with me were:

Identify your hotspots - the areas that are most likely to have keys, post, receipts, loose change etc dumped down regularly. Keep an eye on your hotspots and deal with them daily.

Keep your sink area clean and tidy. Shine your sink before you go to bed.

Keep on top of your laundry and put it away.

I do try to keep these three in mind (but sod cleaning my sink before I go to bed!) And if I can keep on top of the clutter, the washing up and the laundry every day, then it's easier to get other stuff done and I don't break into a cold sweat if the door bell rings 🤣

Yes that's me 😂😂😂 I live in a small cramped house and no matter how much I try to keep it tidy,it looks a mess due to the clutter.when I say clutter I mean things I genuinely can't get rid of-my(tiny)living room has a 3 piece suite,footstool and TV on a TV cabinet-it LOOKS cluttered,but I obviously need it 😂.I need new laminate floor,I've had the same one for 10 years,the whole house needs repainting.need a new carpet on the stairs.kitchen cabinets are falling apart,a cupboard door and a drawer are completely off.No storage at all really.when I "tidy"it's just moving things to another part of the house.its honestly depressing on times.but ah well.we are pretty lucky to have a house to live in I suppose.but I'm the same as you,my friends house is all done up,like a show home and mine looks like a indoor car boot sale 😁

I know exactly what you mean! I have 3 kids too, one is still a toddler so lots of toys around - we have no playroom and the kids bedrooms are small (and 2 share) so there’s just not enough space for everything. The house looks constantly cluttered, stuff just ends up living on the floor. Every so often we’ll manage a big tidy up but within a few days it’s back to the same state. We’ve not really decorated anything since having the kids and it’s all looking a bit worn, but there’s just no time to get it done, and no money to pay someone.
I think we could make a massive difference if we bought more storage but DH insists that the problem is us having too much stuff - we’re probably both right, but we never seem to be able to manage a proper sort out because any spare time is used trying to sort out/tidy the immediate mess and do the basics of cleaning and washing. It’s so depressing. And we live in a well-off area but without being very well-off ourselves so most friends houses are much bigger than ours, and everyone has cleaners and clear sides and places to put their crap!

Well firstly I’d say drop your expectations, and secondly I’d say that while it might be nice to have a clean house, there are many things more important. I doubt your house is as scruffy as you think, but I know for sure your clean homed friends have plenty of problems.

On a more practical level I would

Do a big declutter - get a skip if necessary

Get a deep clean company in and budget for it every six months

Do a schedule for gradually working through the house. If the bathroom is making you miserable could you save up and get it sorted in a year, if not, do a temporary fix as soon as you can, and set a savings target to get it done when you can, and then move onto the next room..

Yes. We lovingly decorated our house when we first bought it, but that was 15 years ago and it’s looking decidedly tatty now. Most of the time I don’t really notice - it’s when we’re going to have visitors and I suddenly notice the taped-up rip in the dining chair, the kitchen unit missing a handle, the letterbox that has broken and not been repaired, the chipped kitchen floor tiles, the very threadbare old sofa…. We just don’t have money or time to sort it all out, I do what I can but a long-term health condition has got in the way lately. I am starting to do some decluttering though as I think that will really help - with two kids we’ve accumulated a load of stuff over the years. I try to remind myself that I don’t really care what anyone else’s house is like, as long as it’s vaguely clean. My mum always kept our house like a show home and has very strict rules when I was a child, but I loved going to visit friends whose homes were more scruffy and relaxed and where we were allowed to eat snacks on the sofa or run around and play - I certainly never judged them and still don’t.

My house (downstairs) often looks clean/tidy when people come with 2 young kids. Only reason being 1) previous owners decorated before we moved in so starting from a good base 2) massive toy chests to put all toys away in 3) a husband who is very good at cleaning, putting away etc! We also have white counter tops which sounds horrendous but actually made me get disciplined about wiping them down quickly with each mark. Our upstairs always looks a bit grubby because it wasn't decorated to the same standard/finish.

I could have a written this post myself, OP! I totally get it and I'm in the same boat. Small house, hardly any storage, can't afford a cleaner or any professional help, and I REALLY don't want to waste every evening of my life meticulously tidying. I do enough to keep my house hygienic but it's never, ever tidy. My mum was an obsessive tidier (think that's why my standards are so high) and to be honest it uses to bug me to no end as a kid that she'd spend hours on housework every evening instead of spending time with us.

I try and tell myself that my children won't remember whether their house was immaculately tidy or not, they'll remember having happy parents and, the memories we all make in it! I always try to remind myself this when I'm feeling overwhelmed or stressed by it all.

Hello OP. I totally understand what you are saying. My husband and family live in our in laws house and I am sure it'll never ever be totally clean!
We live on a farm and dust is everywhere. The house is very old and everything was done quickly and as cheap as possible when in laws had it (it was pretty derelict when they bought it tbf).
Now we are having to slowly put things right (or at least improve things).
I have 3 children (2 grown up and left), husband and a mad springer spaniel so it's virtually impossible to keep anything clean and tidy.
I used to exhaust myself trying to make it look good but honestly I've had to just lower my standards.
As long as it looks half decent I take that these days.
My kitchen was like the one on the Wickes advert - it was 2nd hand when in laws bought it but we have just had it replaced (at our own expense as in laws we're not interested in updating it even though the hob was cracked, cooker made a terrible noise and items got lost down the back of the broken cupboards it was fine!)
We've still got terrible Axminster carpets (again 2nd hand and you can't wear the darn things out!) One is going shortly and we'll have to save up to get rid of the other one!
It does get better in time though...

Im at the sad end of children where three have left home and the youngest is 11. My house is always clean and tidy, there are no toys anymore, beds stay made because no one is here to sleep in them.
I'd go back to it all this second 😞😞

OP you need to advertise for a cleaner that works privately and not for a company.
List what you'd like done and I'm sure you'll get the right person at the right hourly pay.

I hear you. I was there once too. Now my kids are teenagers and at last, I no longer feel the need to keep a home that could be worthy of appearing in a magazine. It’s not worth it. Do what you can and stop trying to follow some kind of imposed standard. It’s your home, not a a show home. As long as it’s full of love and real relationships, that’s all that matters. Be kinder to yourself!

OP this might not be completely helpful - but about the furniture you mentioned.....well if you ever feel like sticking some tunes on and getting a paint brush dirty, you can upcycle your furniture and paint it to match! You can get some lovely colours, and if you buy proper furniture paint I have found you don't need to do any sanding/priming/varnishing steps....I am lazy I just slap the paint on and it still looks much better than it did before! You might be short on time - but then again you will be amazed at what 3 hours of painting can do!Have attached pics of my second hand/dump upcycles for inspiration( they were all mismatched wood colours to start off). It took about 7 hours in total, spread on different days, and YouTube has some really fun videos to learn from. You might find it therapeutic!

I used to love my home. We brought DC up there but now they are adults with their own homes. My youngest DS moved out in August. It's far too big for just DH, me a foster son. It's got 6 bedrooms and a huge garden. We need a 3 bedroom. DH refuses to sell and downsize because he doesn't want to lose his double garage or 3 garden sheds because he's got them crammed full of electric tools (boys toys). I wouldn't mind if he was a carpenter or similar but no he's an accountant. My health is no longer good enough to be constantly clearing rooms. It makes me very frustrated.

Meh, you've pretty much described my house. It was a complete "doer upper" and it's taken us years to get it even anywhere near "nice". Still not completed after almost 7 years....Covid, pregnancy and other bits have not helped...we both work full time and fit cleaning, DIY and baseline maintenance around this. It's a shit tip but it's our shit tip. Basic hygiene - kitchen, bathroom and changing beds - is maintained everything else, well one day it will be spotless, probably the day we sell!

We'll get the last room (hall/stairs) done in the next few weeks and the first finished rooms now need decorating again (and we still haven't got matching /new/nice furniture in the livingroom and we need this, that and the next thing elsewhere). But hey, we're here, the kids are alive and thriving, so I'll take it!
My kids are the biggest mess makers ever and I just need to deal with that!

My to do list is perpetual! But sometimes I just read that book, go do that fun activity with kids or have the glass of wine instead.

You're doing fine! Embrace it!

Definitely doesn't help on an older house

New houses always look great because everything is new

Some days I am embarassed by the state of my house. It's like yours - ex-council, quite large on the inside, but everything bar the kitchen needs sorting, including floors with holes in them, tatty carpets, a bathroom that just needs ripping out and replacing, the garden needs a massive overhaul etc.

Then I remind myself that I managed to buy this house by myself, without any help, so it needed to be cheap, and managed to furnish it alone, even if almost everything is second hand and mismatched, that the teen helped paint the walls, so of course they're not done to professional standard, and that, having been here a mere two years and in the middle of a financial crisis, things can wait a while.

What do I care if my house is less pretty to look at, compared to others who have been a lot more fortunate in life? I did the best I could with what I had and have. Every month, something gets sorted with the little budget I have and the large jobs will just have to wait until I have more disposable money again.

And then I am proud again.

I have older kids but find the impact more as they are physically bigger and make more marks on stairs , more impact on floor-boards when playing and have friends over and running up and down the stairs. The toy thing was fine when they were smaller as had lovely woven baskets to shove them into . We have 3 kids , no animals.
Now it’s loads of sports gear and massive trainers with way more mud etc. Way more clothes to wash . We also have an older terrace house and have put on a new extension and it’s a million times easier to keep new area clean. It’s like snow in a snow storm cleaning .
If I was a sahm it would be so much easier as could tackle one room at a time. We both work and are very tired at the weekend, we also have no family support so can’t have the kids minded ever.
What we do is my dh takes the 3 kids out and I paint a room or do the skirting boards (paint) but even that only lasts around 6 months and gets grubby again. One of our problems is the original, old part of the house is quite small so just gets dirty quickly, I constantly clean and tidy but it’s honestly never ending.
Also one of our issues is we have no hallway so you walk in the front door and the stairs is just there (we have a shoe rack), our kids play outside a lot as are v sporty . So the second they walk in the house all the mud and leaves come in (they take their shoes off straight away) and then I clean and they go out again and it happens again . We have a mat , they take off shoes -doesn’t make any difference 🤷‍♀️
painting makes the biggest difference imho. I do this myself as it costs an absolute fortune and the painting bit is easy, it’s the moving furniture and clearing before that isn’t so painters don’t do that prep and it’s more work and you have to buy paint so paying someone hundreds for the just painting part isn’t worth it and we aren’t in the uk so we’d also have to buy the paint. I don’t know , I definitely don’t find it easier now they are older , it’s easier to clean and have that time maybe but there’s far more washing and cooking tbh ..

Same. We moved 3 years ago with significantly less garage and outdoor storage space. My house is basically an extension of the garage and it makes me so sad. When DS goes to bed, I just go to my room and watch my iPad. It's the only nice room in the house.

Most cleaners will do what you ask in the time they are there. Mine is great, friend of mine who started a cleaning business so I employed her. For me though I want the hoovering, cleaning the bath etc done. I don’t give light fittings and skirting boards a second thought really