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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about children getting different inheritances?

88 replies

KingsHeath53 · 27/04/2023 08:39

My 2 DC have different sets of godparents. Both lovely, hands on godparents and close friends. DC1 godparents are child-free, DC2 godparents have children. DC1 godparents have indicated when they die, DC1 will be in their will. Obviously not the case for DC2 where godparents would rightly leave their estate to their own kids. Should add when we chose godparents for DC1 we didn’t know they were going to be child-free forever, so this didn’t factor into our godparent selection!

I’ll say upfront i’m not hugely worried about this. I plan to raise my kids to be resilient and make their own way in life, not expecting or needing inheritances or hand outs. Also loads could happen in future, godparents could get other godchildren etc etc. Who knows.

However, it did get me wondering. If one (by then I assume adult) DC inherited a lot (godparents are wealthy with property etc) and the other one didn’t, based on an arbitrary choice of who would be godparents, would that cause tension between the siblings? Does anyone have family experience where one sibling inherited a lot from say, a distant relative, and others didn’t? Did that cause problems and jealousy? As a parent would you guide your one child to split an unequal inheritance with their sibling if the situation arose?

OP posts:
Changeychang · 27/04/2023 17:28

It's an interesting question. I don't think you can ask the child who receives inheritance to share though, it's really up to them. I think it would be great if friend (if close to both kids) shares the inheritance between them.

This has actually made me think more about my own situation. I think I will change my gift in my will to divide between god child and their sibling instead of just god child. I'm actually quite close to my god child's sibling and think she's ace. Also, my GC's sibling's godparents have kids so unlikely to leave any to her.

So thanks for the thread.

ittakes2 · 27/04/2023 17:28

If one of your children won the lottery you would not be overthinking it. I think you might be overthinking this. The poor god parent has to die first, may change their mind, you don’t know how much - I would stop worrying about it

2bazookas · 27/04/2023 18:02

DC1 godparents have indicated when they die, DC1 will be in their will. Obviously not the case for DC2 where godparents would rightly leave their estate to their own kids.

You're making far too many assumptions. Even when testators have children, it's normal for Wills to list a number of exact requests to assorted beneficiaries "To my son Tim I leave the house and a million pounds; to my friend Fiona I leave my record collection and £500, to my God child Bob I leave £100. Everything else I leave to the Cat Home.

Either couple might leave their godchild a token sum in their Wills.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/04/2023 18:07

I was in my godparents will until she died and I wasn't left anything at all.Didnt give a shit but my mum had always told me that was the case.Dont take it as gospel

AbsoIutelyLovely · 27/04/2023 18:16

SlipSlidinAway · 27/04/2023 14:00

That's a very different scenario to the one the op described. I think it's safe to assume that the great uncle would have included the third child had they been alive at the time he made his will.

DH's grandma left some money in her will to our very young dcs. We invested the money and shared it out amongst all our dcs - including the one that hadn't been born when their great grandma died - when they reached 18. We did that on the basis that she would have wanted all her great grandchildren to benefit - even one she never met.

But the people in the op's case are only godparents to one of her children .

Show quote history

@SlipSlidinAway

Thats illegal. 😱

SlipSlidinAway · 27/04/2023 18:20

@TheChoiceIsYours
@AbsoIutelyLovely

Don't be so ridiculous. We're talking about a few grand and a great grandmother that would absolutely have wanted all her great grandchildren to benefit. I actually invested the money very wisely and added to it. So the original beneficiaries got what was owed to them - and a lot more.

neslop · 27/04/2023 18:39

SlipSlidinAway · 27/04/2023 18:20

@TheChoiceIsYours
@AbsoIutelyLovely

Don't be so ridiculous. We're talking about a few grand and a great grandmother that would absolutely have wanted all her great grandchildren to benefit. I actually invested the money very wisely and added to it. So the original beneficiaries got what was owed to them - and a lot more.

You might think it's ridiculous but legally that is correct. The original sum plus any investment accrued should have been split equally between the 2 named in the will when they reached 18. So they didn't actually get everything they were entitled to.

SlipSlidinAway · 27/04/2023 18:41

@neslop - fine, but I'm happy that I did what I know their great grandmother would have wanted.

rivertoskateaway · 27/04/2023 18:45

My half sister (said for clarity, I have never called her this in real life as we were raised together, she is my sister) inherited from her Aunt. It hurt because said Aunt had been in my life forever, and we had a lovely Aunt-Niece relationship even though we weren’t biologically related. However I have never begrudged my sister, or expected her to share.

Sugarfree23 · 27/04/2023 18:50

@rivertoskateaway assuming the Aunt went through a 'getting frail' stage who was it who looked out for her?
Were you still close to the aunt as an adult?

Skybluepinky · 27/04/2023 18:57

I wouldn’t over think it, they could end up in a carehome and with no money left. They could also mean they would leave £100 in their will.

Aria2015 · 27/04/2023 19:01

One of my siblings will likely inherit hundreds of thousands from their (childless) god parent. I see it as just luck. I don't think they should spilt or share it. They have kids and they'll use it for their own retirement and for their kids. I might have a pang of jealousy, but that's my problem, not theirs and I'd never let on! 🤣

Parker231 · 27/04/2023 19:04

I inherited from my godfather - he also paid for our very expensive wedding. I shared the inheritance with my DSis who wasn’t left anything by her godfather as he didn’t have anything to leave anyone.

Supersimkin2 · 27/04/2023 19:07

Love the way OP presumes her DC’s collecting the entire estate - house, the lot.

Most godparents leave tokens only for remembrance. Princess Diana left her sitting room ornaments to be split 39 ways between her godchildren.

Iwasafool · 27/04/2023 19:08

One of mine has a Godparent who has no children, she made a point of telling us that both children are equal in her will. I thought that was so thoughtful.

LakieLady · 27/04/2023 19:08

caringcarer · 27/04/2023 09:24

My niece has 3 children now. At the point her Great Uncle died she only had two children. He left each of the two children named in his will £60k each. This has been invested and grown a bit more. I don't know how much more. The youngest child being several years younger than siblings has no inheritance. My niece is intending to leave all her three children an equal share in her will as she says she loves them all equally. The Great Uncle had a very close relationship with her two older boys and saw them most days. He chose not to leave the money to his great niece, as he thought she'd inherited from her own parents but instead left her share split between her children. Youngest will miss out.

These things can't be predicted.

My DSS was the only GC when his GM died. She had a significant sum in savings, which she left to her "grandchildren", ie DSS. The money was put in a trust until he was 21, by which time the fund had grown to the point where the amount enabled DSS to put down a 50% deposit on a decent house in a fairly expensive town.

It has caused a considerable degree of resentment among his cousins, all still renting in their late 20s, and their parents, especially as DSS's DM is really loaded and, as an only child, all that will go to him as well.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if his GF attempts to redress the balance somehow in his own will.

CuriousGeorge80 · 27/04/2023 19:19

As with some other PP, I find it really odd (mean?) that they will leave it to just one of your children unless they basically have no relationship with your family and it’s symbolic only.

I have a god child. Her sibling will get the same from me.

TanukiMario · 27/04/2023 19:33

GasPanic · 27/04/2023 15:43

To me it's not like winning the lottery at all.

Winning the lottery is random. When you win the lottery you pay the price and you stand to benefit (or not) from the result. The lottery isn't taking any sort of active decision to make you benefit rather than anyone else. You can't claim the lottery is valuing one sibling more than the other. It has no concept of that. Your sibling could complain that you won, but it's hardly unfair as the same opportunity (to buy a ticket and potentially win) is equally open to them.

In the inheritance case then someone is actually making a proactive decision to benefit one sibling more than another, basically (seemingly) solely on the fact that they were nominated godparent to that sibling. It may be down to luck that one sibling got the right godparent, but the act of exclusion is not down to luck at all.

Show quote history

I do think that the best thing would be to speak to the godparents and hopefully they share the inheritance with both children equally, since this is fair. I would hopefully make them see sense that they could be causing a strain on the siblings relationship with a one sided inheritance.

I just dont think its my place as a mother to take it away from one child and give to the other if the godparents refuse to do that.
I also dont think it would make it more fair to top it off and give the missing out child more from me. Because that is also not treating theim equally. Its like saying “Oh, DS is so well off already, I will just give DD more inheritance because she needs it more.”

Its a very difficult situation and basically theres no winning. I think in the end I would sit my children down and have a talk and find a solution everyones happy with.

Wallywobbles · 27/04/2023 20:22

We all got different inheritances. My DGM didn't believe women needed money!

Wallywobbles · 27/04/2023 20:23

And it's fine. We don't care.

Lydiahateswashing · 28/04/2023 05:04

I had similar with my cousins when grandparents died. I was the benefactor of far more money than them, and decided I’d feel more comfortable if it were shared equally.

interestingly, subsequent events have made me think that they wouldn’t necessarily have thought in the same terms. But that does particularly change how I feel about my decision.

ShippingNews · 28/04/2023 05:17

Sugarfree23 · 27/04/2023 15:40

While they are children now and the Godparent is say in their 40s.
You can't really predict what the relationships will be like in 30 or 40 years time.

When the children are adults with lives of their own and the Godparent is in their 70s or 80s.

Exactly. By the time the godparents both did, the kids could be middle aged. And all the estate could have gone to card fees or whatever. I'd forget it for the time being.

ShippingNews · 28/04/2023 05:18
  • did, not did
knittingaddict · 28/04/2023 05:34

Godparents leave money to their godchild? I've been robbed!!

NameforMN · 28/04/2023 06:15

It's not much different to the scenario where one sibling may inherit more than another due to their spouse or partner inheriting. DH and I won't inherit from anyone. Dsis has married into a wealthy family and will. Just the way it is and not much you can do about it.