To worry about children getting different inheritances?

[KingsHeath53]

My 2 DC have different sets of godparents. Both lovely, hands on godparents and close friends. DC1 godparents are child-free, DC2 godparents have children. DC1 godparents have indicated when they die, DC1 will be in their will. Obviously not the case for DC2 where godparents would rightly leave their estate to their own kids. Should add when we chose godparents for DC1 we didn’t know they were going to be child-free forever, so this didn’t factor into our godparent selection!

I’ll say upfront i’m not hugely worried about this. I plan to raise my kids to be resilient and make their own way in life, not expecting or needing inheritances or hand outs. Also loads could happen in future, godparents could get other godchildren etc etc. Who knows.

However, it did get me wondering. If one (by then I assume adult) DC inherited a lot (godparents are wealthy with property etc) and the other one didn’t, based on an arbitrary choice of who would be godparents, would that cause tension between the siblings? Does anyone have family experience where one sibling inherited a lot from say, a distant relative, and others didn’t? Did that cause problems and jealousy? As a parent would you guide your one child to split an unequal inheritance with their sibling if the situation arose?

It’s no big deal IMO. DH is one of 3 and one of the other is set to inherit from childless godparents. No one gives a hoot. It makes for the occasional joke between siblings about how 1 got the ‘best’ godparents. But it’s tongue in cheek and really the other 2 have never thought anything of it

I'd say luck of the draw and definitely you shouldn't be asking them to leave to them equally or pressurising dc1 to give to dc2.
Assuming the godparents are similar age to you and dh, it's likely that it will be many years down the line, by which time your dc may have families of their own.

Will you be checking that dc2's ILs will not leave more to them than dc1's IL leave to their family? No. It's a similar thing.

My Sister inherited £150k from a great aunt. I got nothing but knew I wouldn’t as we weren’t close. My sister promised for years she would split it with me. Until she actually had the money and then told me she wasn’t serious and thought I knew that. The money has destroyed her, her marriage and our relationship. Not because I expected or wanted any of it but it turned her into a self centred, showy person. Now the money has dried up she’s bitter and resentful and I’ve lost all respect for her

Probably because they are all comfortably off and what they stand to inherit (or not) isn't expected to be life changing.

OP, I don’t mean this to sound “Mumsnetty” or owt but… is there anything else you could be worrying about instead? 😂😂😂

@PonkyPonky it might be a joke just now but in time if the 'elderly person admin' falls on one of the other siblings shoulders, and they don't inherit that becomes a major slap in the face.

When I say 'elderly person admin' I mean the stuff like helping with shopping, medical appointments, arranging cleaners, carers and the many other little jobs that elderly people need help with.

You could ask DC1 to do a Deed of Variation when the inheritance occurs, so that they could pass some of over to DC2.

But I suppose this would depend on the size of the inheritance and if DC1 wanted to pass some of the inheritance over.

I think it's fine.
I wouldn't be bothered about "trying to even things up" in any way.
Your children are different people who will have different experiences of life.
Maybe they will marry people of different financial status to each other anyhow.
Maybe they will earn different amounts.
Maybe their health will differ.
I am planning to leave money in my will to my god children albeit not huge sums. I do have my own dc too.

This actually happened in our family - DH's sister inherited her godmother's flat (all of it) and DH didn't. DH didn't really know his sister's godmother; she was almost certainly rather better at keeping in touch. It hasn't caused any issues, despite being a significant sum. It probably helps that DH (we) are comfortably off; it wouldn't be a life changing sum for us.

My children will get different inheritances because they have different dads, DD will inherit a sum of money when she turns 18 (well she's already inherited it but she doesn't get access until then) because her dad died so she will start adult life in an easier position than her brother and that's not something I can afford to even up for DS.

Why should they give up any of their inheritance?

No not the case. No one is particularly comfortable in this scenario. It’s just no one has an entitlement to anyone else’s money. Inheritance should be treated as a nice surprise if it comes. It’s no one’s right

Did the children who had inherited give you permission to do that? If you just took it upon yourselves to redistribute their money as you saw fit then that’s wildly and completely illegal. You might see it as fair but legally you had absolutely no right to do anything with their money other than ensure they’re got it as the deceased intended. Even if you presented it to your children as something they should do, put any moral pressure on them, that’s really really wrong. Basically anything other than this being entirely their idea is not ok!

Now think if that had been the other way round the sister keeps in touch but the Godchild brother inherits.

If I was the god parent, whatever money I was going to leave god child I would split with their sibling.

I don't think guilt and family drama is a great thing to leave someone but know others disagree.

Definitely wouldn’t worry about this or even think about it! So much can happen in life, so many rolls of the dice. Good luck or bad luck. A possible inheritance really isn’t something to worry about

Hrmm. I'm not sure whether it's that clear cut.
In the case of siblings close in age, and the Godparents being 'family friends' close to all then yes it's exclusion and seems unfair.
But say the siblings are far apart in ages... and/or the Godparents genuinely had contact with only their Godchild.
Nothing wrong with them leaving the money to the child they know.

It's a bit awkward I agree because it's been a bit "luck of the draw" as to which child got the set of benefactor godparents. But no one is obliged to do anything different. The child that inherits will be entitled to the money and the other child won't. The mother has the power to even things up herself but she's said she won't be doing that (though I think that would have been a fair way to address it but only once it's clear what dc1 is likely to inherit - it could all get spent before then!) Similar in my family. My godmother had no children, nieces or nephews. My sister's godmother did (and is still alive though very elderly). My godmother was aware of this and left equal bequests in her estate for me and my sister, knowing my sister wouldn't inherit anything from her own godmother. No one asked or expected her to, she just did it. Even her jewellery was divided between me, my sister and our mum. She was lovely!

Oh and also level of child's engagement!
If one has made more than the other why should they be equally rewarded?
Inheritance isn't a given.

I’ve just remember my godmother left me a little sum which I spent on my wedding dress. I don’t think my siblings even knew about it! They were adults and incredibly busy with work and their kids. If I had been larger they wouldn’t have noticed as they don’t know about my financial details… I’d have just put it into a house deposit and frankly again no one would be the wiser.

It might only cause issues with younger siblings I think.

Worry when it happens

You could fall out, loose touch they could have dc

they might only leave £10 etc etc

I think by the time this comes to fruition your kids will likely be adults who organically are leading different lives with different opportunities, non of which can be controlled for. The theoretical Godparent inheritance is going to be one of many.

I would not get involved with trying to even things out as the parent. Madness, hurt, and anger are the only things that can come from that.

This happened to my family. I wasn’t christened so no godparents for me, but my younger bother and sister were (different father who wanted this).
dbro had one godfather who was fairly wealthy and left 30k to mu dbro. Dsis had different godparents so didn’t get left any.
dbro pissed the money up the wall really. He was only 22 when he inherited it and spent it all on tech equipment for his band / dj equipment, weed and a car really. Dsis was a bit pissed off as she is super sensible and if she ever received a sum like that would have invested in in property / saved it.
I didn’t cause any bad feelings between any of us although me and my sis did roll our eyes a lot and bitch about what a fool he was wasting the money. I had two small kids at the time and high mortgage etc but I appreciated that dbro was in a completely different phase of life.
My mum did feel bad though as she knew my sister missed out and would’ve made better use of the money.
I think there would’ve been bitterness between us if he’d inherited a life changing amount though, say enough to buy a house outright whilst we either couldn’t afford to get on the ladder or had high mortgage etc.

A lot can happen.

The godparents might need all their assets for care. Or other emergency in the 40+ years they have remaining.
One might outlive the other, remarry someone much younger and leave their estate to them. Do they have younger siblings? nieces / nephews? Probably most of the estate will go to them if so and the bequest will be modest.

You can’t plan to balance it in your own will, the godparents might outlive you and their will ultimately not what you expected, you might need your assets for care, and so on.

One Dc might win millions on the lottery or premium bonds.

They will (hopefully) be independent thriving adults by the time this happens, and if one gets a windfall, well, that’s life!

Wasn't something similar posted on godparents and birthday money a few weeks ago?

If it worried you you should have given them the same godparents but I'm sure your kids won't worry about the £50 I hope is in the will