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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at the shock I’m pregnant?

66 replies

Blossomontree · 27/04/2023 06:46

I’m 32 weeks, and when I’ve mentioned to colleagues I won’t be here next year they are shocked I’m having a baby. I know I’m being sensitive but it’s making me feel I must be absolutely huge if a seven month pregnancy bump makes no difference to my mass!

OP posts:
MittensForKittens123 · 27/04/2023 07:18

Do you work with a lot of men by any chance? I do, and didn’t tell a lot of people I was pregnant til I was 30 weeks ish. I was surprised how many of the men hadn’t noticed compared to the women who obviously had.

Original poster
Blossomontree · 27/04/2023 07:18

I doubt it, I daresay half of them don’t even know who I am!

Thanks. I am a bit baffled by it but weight has been a concern to me throughout the pregnancy so that’s why.

OP posts:
crumpetsntea · 27/04/2023 07:20

When my sister was pregnant with her first, she had a very small bump. She had people ask her how many months she had left to go when she was overdue. DN was a perfectly healthy baby.

Mochinated · 27/04/2023 07:21

They can't win.

Ask if you're pregnant = Nosy, and offensive, you'd be complaining they're looking at your body

Say they suspected you were pregnant = You'd be annoyed that they'd been nosy and looking at your body and also already knew so no "surprise" for you to say it

On and on

I think your colleagues sound lovely, it could all have gone so much worse!

Dyrne · 27/04/2023 07:22

If it was colleagues you don’t see often, and you were sat down in a meeting, it probably wasn’t obvious as your bump would have been obscured.

If you find you’ve been fixating on weight it might be worth having a quick chat with your midwife - it’s normal to be worried about weight gain but if you find it’s tipping over into obsession that’s something for them to be aware of to monitor your mental health.

sonjadog · 27/04/2023 07:22

They may well be feigning surprise. At my work we have a colleague who didn't want anyone to know about her pregnancy as she was worried about anything going wrong. We all knew, but we also knew she didn't want us to know. So when she officially announced it at about seven months, we all acted surprised.

Original poster
Blossomontree · 27/04/2023 07:26

It isn’t about people winning or not. It is simply that I am conscious I gained weight before pregnancy and during. Rather than looking obviously pregnant, I look fat (I was standing in the meeting.)

I am not personally annoyed with anyone except possibly myself!

OP posts:
Lougle · 27/04/2023 07:26

In my first pregnancy I wore size 12 jeans right up until that point. I only really looked pregnant once I got to 38 weeks.

Original poster
Blossomontree · 27/04/2023 07:29

A@Lougle but it is different as if I tried to put on my old jeans, I most certainly couldn’t, not even close. i don’t think it is that I’m carrying nearly, it’s the opposite!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomontree · 27/04/2023 07:29

*neatly

OP posts:
BeautifulWar · 27/04/2023 07:30

We're you sitting at a desk at the time? Maybe they just didn't see you walking around to notice!

stepstepstep · 27/04/2023 07:30

I just looked fat through both pregnancies - I wanted to have the beautiful round bump but didn’t happen! The worst bit was when someone asked my when the baby was due a couple of weeks after she was born 😂

Readinstead · 27/04/2023 07:38

I told my dgs's Reception teacher that a different person might be collecting him from school as my dd was in slow labour and had been to hospital twice over weekend and been sent home. She hadn't realised dd was pregnant, neither had either of the TAs! Dd carries small but not that bloody small. She was a size 12/14 pre dgc3 and a 14/16 after. To me she looked obviously pregnant from a about 20 weeks but apparantly not.
Also when I was about 30 weeks someone (tactless) in the typing pool asked me if I was pregnant or just 'content' (I had been married about 12 months and like OP had put some weight on from pre marriage size 12). A colleague, who knew I was pregnant, rather bluntly announced that of course I was pregnant, I looked like a Weeble - thanks love, thanks very much!

Chonk · 27/04/2023 07:55

@Blossomontree I think @ttcttc meant to type 'maybe you're not as big as you think and that's why they're shocked' - an unfortunate typo!

Snoozinandlosin · 27/04/2023 08:05

I remember being that stage with my first and even though I was in theory slim at a size 10 it wasn’t that obvious to others that I was pregnant. It was before the days where badges on the tube were common and I’d stand and seethe silently that no one was offering a seat. For my second I learnt to dress the bump with empire lines etc as some of the looser styles just made me look like a blob.
My point being, it’s not a size/weight thing it’s a “that stage in pregnancy” thing and yeah it’s crap. Be kind to yourself

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 27/04/2023 08:16

I've had a couple of work colleagues with tiny nest bumps and you couldn't tell from the back or front at all. From the side, depending what they were wearing, it looked like they had a basketball under their clothes. I expect you've got a lovely neat bump which is similar and people just haven't noticed. Enjoy your mat leave and your baby when they arrive.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 27/04/2023 08:16

Neat not nest!

Groggygymdodger · 27/04/2023 08:21

This is just politeness, they can’t say oh yeah I’d noticed and wondered.

Christ I was 8 months and looked as pregnant as they come, out to dinner and a friends new boyfriend said oh you’re pregnant? With surprise. I was like no mate I’m just really fucking fat and bloat a lot.

Hankunamatata · 27/04/2023 08:21

Perhaps they are like me and don't assume anyone is pregnant until they tell me then I act surprised

Langleybar · 27/04/2023 08:25

A work colleague had similar. 6 weeks before her due date she was still wearing her normal jeans. She was a tall, fit woman. She has a tiny bump, barely noticeable

DelurkingAJ · 27/04/2023 08:31

I had this with male colleagues (35 weeks with one of them who I was cheerfully saying ‘see you in a year’ to). Various confused female colleagues and I decided that they’d so trained themselves to look only at women’s faces that they had no idea what I looked like below chin level!

CurlewKate · 27/04/2023 08:37

I didn't show til I was 6 months and nobody guessed. I was quite proud that I had obviously just carried on as normal. Disclaimer-I know that's nothing to be proud of, I was just lucky,lots of people just can't get on with it. Etc.

Sunshineandflipflops · 27/04/2023 08:59

I remember when I was expecting my first baby. The baby arrived 9 weeks early, so 31 weeks and when my ex dh told the neighbours at the time that I had had the baby early, they looked surprised as they didn't even know I was pregnant! We had seen them plenty of times but I was only really just starting to look pregnant! I was a size 12 pre-pregnancy.

ttcttc · 27/04/2023 09:00

Chonk · 27/04/2023 07:55

@Blossomontree I think @ttcttc meant to type 'maybe you're not as big as you think and that's why they're shocked' - an unfortunate typo!

Oh my I've just read it back. I definitely meant big. Im sure you are very hot though! I apologise @Blossomontree

HurryShadow · 27/04/2023 09:26

DelurkingAJ · 27/04/2023 08:31

I had this with male colleagues (35 weeks with one of them who I was cheerfully saying ‘see you in a year’ to). Various confused female colleagues and I decided that they’d so trained themselves to look only at women’s faces that they had no idea what I looked like below chin level!

I was going to say similar. I can totally see this happening with men. Absolutely petrified to say something wrong and put their foot in it!