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Original poster

To think my therapist was awful?

28 replies

lionessbubble · 26/04/2023 21:23

Had my first session. I’ve been struggling an awful lot recently with my anxiety and stress, my organisation, my intrusive thoughts and my jealousy in relationships. Loads of things really which I wanted to work on unpicking.

ADHD has crossed my mind and I’m currently undergoing a referral. The therapist mentioned this in our consultation but she used it in the first session as if I’ve already been diagnosed.

A few things:

  • she hasn’t really asked about my life, or what I want to achieve from therapy. No questions were asked - It all felt like cliches rather than personal. It felt like I kept directing the conversation and it was just so awkward and silent if I didn’t.
  • I spoke about how upset I was about my sisters and how they have hurt me in the past which I think had led to a lot of my problems. She really only said “why did it upset you” and “that’s really sad” etc. She told me to look on the bright side as “at least I have sisters” and lots of people wish they had siblings.
  • She suggested taking Agnus Castus supplements to help my anxiety.
  • She kept spurting lots of cliches like “tapping” and “taking time to not allow your intrusive thoughts and just banish them”. To write positive affirmations and keep them in my purse. To try and think positive.
  • I mentioned my PCOS and she spoke about how she had it and had IVF which terrified me. Spoke quite a lot about herself eg how meditation helps her, her ADHD etc.

i don’t really want to go back but is this what therapy is like??

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 26/04/2023 21:25

Ditch her and find someone who is a qualified cognitive behavioural therapist.

midlander79 · 26/04/2023 21:29

I'm a therapist.
She sounds really bad. No that isn't what therapy is like, or it certainly shouldn't be. Can you get a different one?

GrannyRose15 · 26/04/2023 21:32

How were you referred to her? Through a GP? A friend? a website? Matching a patient and therapist can be difficult but I suggest you give her more than one session to get to know each other.

Original poster
lionessbubble · 26/04/2023 21:33

I just felt so uncomfortable and I have so many issues to work through, I felt so fobbed off.
She’s also chasing me to transfer, I hate the fact I’m paying £65 for that!!!

OP posts:
EscapeTheCastle · 26/04/2023 21:33

She sounds awful. Check out qualifications on your next one. Hopefully someone will come along on here to tell you what to look for.

poetryandwine · 26/04/2023 21:37

This does sound awful. I don’t see how you can wriggle out of paying her, any more than one can wriggle out of paying for a bad haircut - the hair has after all been cut, and you have entered into an implicit contract.

But you deserve a better therapist! I certainly would not go back

Nothingbuttheglory · 26/04/2023 21:41

Definitely find a new therapist.

BACP or BABCP are the people who accredit qualified therapists.

What did this one claim to be?

sarahc336 · 26/04/2023 21:48

May I ask what type of therapy this was? I'm cbt and emdr trained and this is not how I conduct an assessment 😏

Yazo · 26/04/2023 21:50

Sounds terrible! I recently used better help and brilliant experience.

TourmalineGiraffe · 26/04/2023 21:52

Absolutely terrible, can’t believe tapping and banishing for thoughts was suggested.

Whilst you are trying to find a new therapist I would highly recommend this book for help with intrusive thoughts-
Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts
By Sally M Winston

Gr8tfulmumof2x · 26/04/2023 21:54

Find a new therapist! Scheme & CBT helped me massively!

Gr8tfulmumof2x · 26/04/2023 21:55

Schema**

Heartsnrainbows · 26/04/2023 21:56

I had one like that. She was no help at all. Kept telling me to write activities on bit of paper and pull them out of a jar to distract from panic attacks.

I found someone else after 2 sessions. He is much more active in sessions and honestly my biggest positive influence who pushes me out of my comfort zone and encourages change. I have a major fear of change and he loves to shake me up a bit.

Covidwoes · 26/04/2023 21:56

Oh wow was this person even a qualified therapist? She sounds terrible! My friend recently went to a therapist who was similar, and spoke about herself a fair bit! She also had a card machine out the entire lesson, as if to remind her clients constantly that they are paying (which I know they are, but does that really need to be visible during the session?!). Hope you find someone better OP.

Eyesopenwideawake · 26/04/2023 22:01

Yep. Dreadful. The first session, above all, is about build rapport and fact finding. Her life experiences are irrelevant, apart from empathising.

PinkFootstool · 26/04/2023 22:02

She sounds as shite as my last therapist. I was grieving our childlessness due to male infertility. She told me three fucking times about her IVF "journey" and her lovely 5yo daughter. We were not doing IVF (partly by choice, partly not wanting the crippling debt) and I'm sure she took it personally.

Sack her off and find someone better suited to you. I'm sorry you've had to del with her. She is incompetent.

Question10 · 26/04/2023 22:06

I’m a therapist and this does not sound right at all. How did you find her? Is she accredited by one of the regulatory bodies?

Freezylap · 26/04/2023 22:08

I had a therapist who wanted to talk about herself as well. I’m not paying for that. The enjoyable thing about therapy is that you don’t need to be reciprocal. You can just talk about yourself. I only went for a short time but I can imagine that if you have too much therapy you can get into some very bad habits in that regard.

Clarinet1 · 26/04/2023 22:09

I’m sorry you had this experience. My understanding of good therapy is that the therapist should not be telling you lots of detail about herself - she should be a neutral sounding board. And the bit about “At least you have sisters” is appalling - she should not be devaluing your feelings like that. As PP have said, look for someone who is accredited by one of the professional bodies.
I hope you find a way forward that helps.

Aweebitpainful · 26/04/2023 22:12

Find a new one

Clearthinking · 26/04/2023 22:12

Again for sacking her off and getting one with creditations. When I spoke to one I mentioned one stress was managing and being in control of money as husband had huge debts I helped pay off. I was told I was controlling cos I budgeted money... and she said that made my relationship shit. She actually said its a shit relationship.

Annfr · 26/04/2023 22:22

I think you need a new one.

When I started talking to mine, I felt like I found my soulmate therapist. Mine does give her own experiences but only when it's actually helpful and relevant to what I'm talking about. Eg. Both lost our dads as children from same disease etc.

ilovesooty · 26/04/2023 22:29

She doesn't sound very good, but a lot of therapists expect payment prior to the appointment. While I can fully see why you wouldn't want to go back, you do need to pay.

Thoughtful2355 · 26/04/2023 22:30

not sure a therapist should be telling you about theyre life or medical history tbh...

Original poster
lionessbubble · 26/04/2023 23:06

She’s BACP qualified and has so much experience, 5 star reviews all over Google. It’s baffling…

OP posts:
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