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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your kids go to private school how much do you earn?

217 replies

TimeDrainer · 26/04/2023 00:14

Just curious. Dd1's school fees are 12000 a year and our combined annual net house hold income is about 120000. We also have Dd2 whose nursery fees are about 1100 and a mortgage of about 800 a month. We are in the North of England. I wonder how this compares to other parents who send their kids to private school.

Most parents at dd's school are consultant doctors and probably earn substantially more than us. No need for violins by the way. I know we are hugely privileged. I do worry sometimes whether we can afford it and that is probably my aibu.

(We made a snap decision to send DD to private school as she was so unhappy at her local school and back then we thought if we have some disposable income the most sensible thing to spend it on is DD's school If it makes her life a bit easier. ).

OP posts:
Krystall · 26/04/2023 07:22

TimeDrainer · 26/04/2023 00:32

Our gross is 120k. I always confuse gross and net (looks like I could have benefited from a better education rather than my kids...)

We have the same problem that now that dd1 is going private we will have to send Dd2 as well though I think that Dd2 with her personality would do better at a state school. We are thinking of pushing it out a bit so Dd2 might start (like dd1 did) at our local state and then move in year 3-4 to private... If we can still afford it then.

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I don’t have children at private school, but I work in the finance department of a private school. And I do wonder if you have costed this up properly. I don’t think your income supports two children at private school, I would forsee you having to treat your two children very differently, or are going to have to pull the older one out of her private school down the line. 😢

Fudgewomble · 26/04/2023 07:22

Household gross income £360k (but will drop next year) : only really felt comfortable paying fees and also holidays etc once we got to £300. 2 DC

Stephhh87 · 26/04/2023 07:32

I know someone who sends their oldest son to private because wasn’t happy at the local.
their other kid goes local and seems happy their so they are keeping him there. It was never the plan to send any private and They couldn’t afford to send them both private but their kids was really unhappy and is thriving now. They both are so they stay in separate school.
it’s fine to go separate schools if your schedules allow it.
We never went private, but as a kid I didn’t go to same school as my sister. Our zones changed and all my corners where going elsewhere so I did too. It was fine :)
my youngest sibling went private because my school went downhill and had such a bad reputation by then. We never really thought about it. We’d all been happy with our schools at the time.
Anyway my point is (if your Schedules allow it) don’t worry about sending your kids to different schools. As long as they are happy where they are they won’t care where their sibling is.

BarryStyles · 26/04/2023 07:39

@Emotionalstorm full time in a minimum wage job is over £20k plus employer NI plus pension contributions, and nannies (quite rightly) are paid way over minimum wage. The idea that you’re being “ripped off” for paying over £16k to a f/t employee on a thread with salaries like these being quoted is mind blowing.

PassP0rtquery · 26/04/2023 07:42

Join gross of £140k base with potential for £50k more in bonuses. Large mortgage. It can be a squeeze some months .

Tigofigo · 26/04/2023 07:42

manontroppo · 26/04/2023 07:20

Household income of just under 200k here and we couldn’t afford private for two. Senior schools are around 6k a term here. We made a conscious choice to buy a bigger house rather than private school - we had paid off mortgage in our old house.

I don’t think private is worth 20K a year, and I don’t like the idea of what it would do to the relationship with my children - if I am paying that, I absolutely would feel that I wanted my kids to come out with a string of high grade IYSWIM?

You absolutely could afford it, you choose not to... Which is fine.

VincentVaguer · 26/04/2023 07:43

Less than you - about 85k. Grandparents pay most of the fees and the dcs have had a mix of bursaries and scholarships over the years. It's a fantastic school though and highly regarded, I wouldn't bother if it had been a mediocre private school. If i could do it again I'd have moved nearer a better comp.

Emotionalstorm · 26/04/2023 07:46

BarryStyles · 26/04/2023 07:39

@Emotionalstorm full time in a minimum wage job is over £20k plus employer NI plus pension contributions, and nannies (quite rightly) are paid way over minimum wage. The idea that you’re being “ripped off” for paying over £16k to a f/t employee on a thread with salaries like these being quoted is mind blowing.

I've recently started paying around £25k for a nanny for two days a week. I just wanted to compare that to what others are paying. She is a friend of my mother's so I don't know what is market rate.

Tigofigo · 26/04/2023 07:47

Didimum · 26/04/2023 07:15

Same. We’re on combined 150k and there’s no way. We have high mortgage, but other than that most outgoings are fairly low - one 15yr old car, never taken the kids on holiday abroad, or gone ourselves in six years now. We have a nanny who costs us 16k a year, but that wouldn’t pay for private school for one, let alone two. We do spend on house renovation, but very piecemeal.

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Depends on the school and your priorities... We have schools charging anywhere between 10 and 40k a year near here.

I do wonder what you're spending on if you make 150k with no holidays, one old car and only 16k on nannies! We managed to live like that on 60k. Maybe you're putting a lot in savings.

VincentVaguer · 26/04/2023 07:50

Tigofigo · 26/04/2023 07:47

Depends on the school and your priorities... We have schools charging anywhere between 10 and 40k a year near here.

I do wonder what you're spending on if you make 150k with no holidays, one old car and only 16k on nannies! We managed to live like that on 60k. Maybe you're putting a lot in savings.

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Yes, we'd be living like kings on 150k a year!

justme202 · 26/04/2023 07:54

Incone is same as yours, but we live in (greater) London, so everything is expensive.
2 kids in private school. We don’t have a choice - oldest has significant SENDs which were ignored by state school but does really well in private. The other is a talented ballet dancer which us supported by his private but not in state schools (especially not for a boy).
Once you have SENDs to consider its quite often a choice between private school or giving up on education….

Pottedpalm · 26/04/2023 07:59

Daisychained8 · 26/04/2023 06:53

I have two children attending at the moment. I teach in the school so they go for free. A life hack 😂

This is unusual I think! Staff discount at the school where I taught is 40%, down from 50% when I first joined.

Merryoldgoat · 26/04/2023 08:08

I am an independent school Finance Manager.

The vast majority of our parents are dual income families with both earning over £100k a year each.

We have a significant number of single earning families.

Our fees are £18k

There would not be many who could afford two sets of fees on your income without assistance from family.

Justalittlebitduckling · 26/04/2023 08:12

This is my plan! Really, free though? Isn’t it normally a reduction of about 30% (which we couldn’t afford by any stretch).

VincentVaguer · 26/04/2023 08:13

Pottedpalm · 26/04/2023 07:59

This is unusual I think! Staff discount at the school where I taught is 40%, down from 50% when I first joined.

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Yes very unusual and clearly a struggling school. Ours used to give 75% off which was extremely generous, think ita gone down a bit now.

MintJulia · 26/04/2023 08:17

DS 14, fees are about £18k but I pay half (scholarship.)

I earn £51k. It's a stretch for me but he was utterly miserable at state primary, and is now happy and engaged.

Only another 3 years to pay 😊

StrawberryWater · 26/04/2023 08:17

We pay nothing.

Ds was lucky as at the time the school had to take a a percentage of local children to keep their charity status. We anpplied and he got in. They no longer have to do that but the non fee paying kids already in get to stay (right up until they finish their A-Levels) and they don’t pay a single penny towards anything (except trips out). Good for us as I don’t have £10,000 a year to spend on private education.

Addictedtohotbaths · 26/04/2023 08:20

Wenfy · 26/04/2023 01:38

Our basic gross salary is just under yours and with bonuses it boosts up to 150k+. We have 300k+ invested but we fund using our salaries - works out to just under £23k per year for 2 (ds is 3 and will be starting this year). I negotiate heavily for discounts and often find paying a year in advance does the trick.

To keep costs down I never pay for new school uniform if I can help it (it’s always second hand), I only enroll into afterschool classes from year 1 (when it’s free), and pay for all non-school activities using the child tax savings account. We don’t take expensive holidays but do go away quite a bit for short breaks - probably spend £2-3k a year max.

We do have a smaller house than others I know (it’s still a 4 bed) but that means our mortgage payment is only £1500. So we can just about afford it on basic salary and so our bonuses get to be saved and used to negotiate lump sum discounts for the following year.

Hi - how much discount does paying a year upfront get you? I’ve been thinking about doing this. Thx

VincentVaguer · 26/04/2023 08:21

Addictedtohotbaths · 26/04/2023 08:20

Hi - how much discount does paying a year upfront get you? I’ve been thinking about doing this. Thx

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Our school gives 1% off!

ChessChair · 26/04/2023 08:22

Wenfy · 26/04/2023 01:39

*150k for me and 150k for DH with bonus

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What’s a “child tax savings account”? I assume you don’t mean the government’s tax free childcare since you earn over the threshold.

user4750 · 26/04/2023 08:22

Our school gives no reduction for upfront payments. We do use an interest free monthly payment scheme though which is helpful.

Addictedtohotbaths · 26/04/2023 08:23

VincentVaguer · 26/04/2023 08:21

Our school gives 1% off!

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Not much then!

Poisoningpigeons · 26/04/2023 08:24

We're earning rather a lot less than most PP on this thread! Combined income around £100K gross, two DC in private secondary. Fees will be going up 7% next academic year, will be just over £16K per child.

We will manage because (1) they're on a fairly generous scholarship (2) we always maintain at least a full year's fees in savings specifically for this purpose.

Still, it will be a massive relief when they finish GCSEs in a couple of years' time.

BibbleandSqwauk · 26/04/2023 08:26

@manontroppo it's "worth it" though if your child has needs that can't be met by the available state provision. Whether that's social, emotional, academic or whatever. I manage it as an SP with help from grandparents for those reasons. It wasn't in my plan and I am doing some fairly long term debt juggling with the mortgage and 0% credit cards to stay afloat. It's not about expecting a certain level of grades, or a great career outcome but their happiness and health now.

There was a really long thread on this a few weeks ago, discussing if private was worth it with lots of anecdata about great outcomes from state schools and vice versa but ultimate outcomes are not the only factor.

Pasadenadreaming · 26/04/2023 08:28

Lower income than you but will be mortgage free from the summer, and inherited money, plus only have one child - so although income-wise you'd think we couldn't afford it, that doesn't tell the whole story.