Page 2 | Anyone else ever have a sneaky day?

Snoken · 25/04/2023 21:25

Telling your husband would kill the vibe of temporary freedom so I can see it was more fun to keep it a secret. Sounds like a great day. My kids are 18 and 20 and I’m divorced so I can have as many days like that as I want, but it’s not nearly as much fun if you are not feeling like a well behaved rebel.

Eyesopenwideawake · 25/04/2023 21:27

Are you in Portugal?! Happy Dia da Liberdade!

Meadowflower2023 · 25/04/2023 22:27

Singmesomethingnewish · 25/04/2023 18:07

Feel a bit guilty…but also not.

I’m abroad and where I am, today is a national holiday.
I was supposed to be working, Dh is off due to the holiday and was to stay at home with Dd, 4 (schools not open)
I went to work as planned, but when I arrived my student was ill (I tutor and then babysit for the rest of the day)
I was heading on my way back home, then decided F it 🙈
I went for coffee and cake on my own (can’t even remember the last time I did that) bought two magazines (haven’t bought magazines for around five years) got a sun-lounger at the beach, read my magazine and had lunch delivered to me on the lounger, listened to my music, read my book and felt thoroughly relaxed. This is the first time I’ve done this since before my Dd was born.
I then went for a drive with my music on and had a Mcds drive through.
Tbf, I did head home a bit early as started to feel guilty.
Anyone else ever had a sneaky day?
What did you do or would you do?

Love this!! I can't understand people that think/expect every relationship to be the same as theirs. Every relationship has different boundaries and different dynamics that makes that relationship work - it's okay for OPs situation not to be the same as you.

BernieWinters · 25/04/2023 22:42

Christ, do we have to tell our husbands every little fucking thing? Can we not just do something and have it as an immensely private thing without having to share even the tiniest bit of it (mumsnet aside).

My husband would not give a flying fuck if I had a day like that, would actively encourage it in fact but sometimes I just did these sorts of things and didn't tell him because I just didn't want to. I wanted it all to myself. Mothers are forever sharing and giving pieces of themselves. It's relentless.

Good for you OP. Loving the sun lounger lunch delivery.

Original poster

Singmesomethingnewish · 25/04/2023 23:14

Thanks all 💖
It wasn’t that I was lying to him, with wasn’t even discussed when I got back.
I didn’t want to say where I’d been or justify it (not that I even have to Dh) but I just wanted to do it and keep it to myself 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

OP posts:

ChekhovsMum · 26/04/2023 01:06

I wouldn’t tell my DH if there was any chance of him joining me. Not that I don’t like him, but even with one child, alone time becomes so rare.

Also if he started so much as a casual conversation about anything on the domestic ‘to do’ list, which he would, that would be my relaxation ruined.

snitzelvoncrumb · 26/04/2023 01:17

DH isn’t your boss. You can take a day to yourself. If you called and told him you would have to have gone home at lunch to swap with him. Please remember how this feels and book a sneaky day off at least twice a year.
Men make sure they get a lot of time to themselves, never feel guilty for doing the same. I have read so many comments if women getting up and dressed for work and leaving the house and pretending to go to work and then take a day for herself. It’s usually the only way it can happen without being made to feel bad, or not being given list of ‘could you just’ I’m glad you enjoyed your day, now start to plan the next one!

dreamonlucid · 26/04/2023 02:16

Sounds fab, knowing my luck I'd get sunburnt and give the game away!

seashoreone · 26/04/2023 02:33

@Singmesomethingnewish I've totally done this! I actually booked a morning off work - told my DH I was working and went and had a coffee and long lazy Breakie....
I felt my self for the first time in years!!!
You have to do it sometimes to recharge.
Don't feel guilty.
BTW which country do you live in?
I'm guessing the national holiday was Anzac Day?

JMSA · 26/04/2023 02:52

Sounds lovely and well-deserved. Good on you!

blahblahblah1654 · 26/04/2023 03:13

Nothing wrong with having a day to yourself but a bit weird not saying anything to your husband. I'd be peeved if he sneaked off and didn't tell me, and vice versa.

MysteryBelle · 26/04/2023 03:38

Never had a sneaky day but yours sounds lovely. I would have called dh in the morning as I left the ill student’s house, “hey so and so is ill today so I got there and had to turn around and leave again. I think I’m going to stop and get something at a cafe and potter around for a few hours and take advantage of the free time and you watching dc! I’ll bring you both something on my way home” something like that and then bring them a little something home like a pastry. I would feel weird otherwise, letting him think I was at work all day when I wasn’t. But I totally get your day off vibes and I’m glad you got refreshed, sounds like a wonderful relaxing day, no judgement here, maybe part of the fun is the sneakiness ha!

Weatherwax13 · 26/04/2023 03:46

Good for you OP. Why would you have to notify DH?? It was your own happy little secret that did nobody any harm - and did you a power of good.
Some PPs need to lighten up. It doesn't have to be a sinister sign of a dysfunctional relationship.

CurlewKate · 26/04/2023 03:52

One of the joys of this is the idea that nobody- absolutely nobody- knows where you are. Such a rare feeling. That's why I wouldn't tell anyone.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/04/2023 04:08

QuickGuide · 25/04/2023 18:12

I think I'd have called DH and told him what I was doing and expected him to be fine with it, or maybe that they would have joined me later

I can just imagine the fury here if a DH had done this while his wife was "stuck" at home with DC

That would depend on whether the DH had not had a day or even a few hours to himself in five years without needing to do childcare, be in the company of others, run errands or do housework etc.

Going by the endless 'DH and his hobby' threads on here, there's a statistically significant difference in the amount of time mothers get completely to themselves compared with fathers.

OP your day sounds lovely but it shouldn't be this rare. You should do it more often

groovergirl · 26/04/2023 04:39

OP, are you in Australia? It was Anzac Day yesterday and if you were in Melbourne, like me, you would have basked in 24 degrees as you lounged on the beach.

Come on, tell us more about your "sneaky day", which we heartily support. Which beach did you go to? What did you eat?

My DD left for school camp this morning, and my sneaky day tomorrow will involve a long bicycle ride and hot chips at Half Moon Bay. 🌙

emptythelitterbox · 26/04/2023 04:59

You need to take more time for yourself.

I'm glad you had a lovely day to yourself.

If I had told my DH my student was ill so not coming, he would have expected me to come back home and get back to my home druge work.

Like PP said, men tend to do what they want and end up having much more free time. Take time for yourself unapologetically.

wrinkleintime · 26/04/2023 04:59

It's a shame if you're in a relationship where you feel you don't want to share something as simple and lovely as enjoying a day to yourself.

I don't think it's that "DH is your boss" or that we "have to tell our husbands every little fucking thing" as some posters have said.

I mean this is your life partner, who is meant to love you more than anything. If I did this my DH would be really happy that I'd had a nice relaxing day and felt good. That's as it should be if you're in an equal and loving relationship.

He certainly wouldn't question my decision, join me (unless I wanted him to) or 'give me errands' as someone else said - that's not his job because we're equals and if I have errands to do I do them. Because I'm an adult and I have that autonomy.

I think some people on here are in really unhealthy relationships.

wrinkleintime · 26/04/2023 05:05

Singmesomethingnewish · 25/04/2023 23:14

Thanks all 💖
It wasn’t that I was lying to him, with wasn’t even discussed when I got back.
I didn’t want to say where I’d been or justify it (not that I even have to Dh) but I just wanted to do it and keep it to myself 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

I'm just curious why it made you feel so good to not tell him and for it to be 'sneaky'? Why did that make it a better experience?

Have you asked yourself what this might that be saying about your marriage and the way you and your DH see each other?

pinkfondu · 26/04/2023 05:08

Yes I do. I have a couple a year. Everyone thinks I'm at work. I've had some great secret adventures

Bagpuss2022 · 26/04/2023 05:42

Sounds fantastic, I wish I could do something like that it’s my goal.
I haven’t left the house alone in over a year my goal is to get up dressed go for a long walk in like local country park lunch at the cafe there and then go to the library.
think we all deserve days off and to do as we please every now and then

Mummadeze · 26/04/2023 06:33

Sounds like the best day ever. Good for you!

PurpleSunshineRain · 26/04/2023 06:38

Omg, that sounds amazing!

SandLResources · 26/04/2023 06:49

No I wouldn't....have gone home early! I'd have taken the full day.

Hardbackwriter · 26/04/2023 06:57

I had my first ever day where I took annual leave just to do nothing and have a day to myself last week! It was glorious. I wouldn't have wanted to (or been able to - I'm not good at lies, even lies by evasion!) do it sneakily, though. And if I'm honest - and surely if most people are honest - I'd be a bit hurt if I found out DH had done this.