Letting adult children live at home - wwyd?

[Lwrenagain]

TLDR - wanting DS to have the life he wants but needing realistic ways to achieve it & would keeping him home to save cash make his goals easier to reach?

My very sensible eldest son is the most lovely man to spend time with, both myself and DP (stepdad) adore him and we've younger children at home who also love him dearly.
I'd quite happily keep him at home forever.
But he really wants to live in the fancier part of our local area where his friends live.
I'm very supportive of this and hope he achieves this.
However it's one of the most expensive areas to live locally and for all my sons wonderful qualities he isn't an academic sort. I can imagine he'll work tirelessly for an employer, he just isn't really able to see a future of employment that pays well.
We've considered apprenticeships etc and other things but he's not very good at being practical and he's ASD with a very mild learning disability. Although you'd not know unless you really knew him.

Whilst I don't want to write him off being stuck in NMW jobs like ones I've always had, I have to be realistic because he's working so hard to get into 6th form and the teachers aren't sure he'll get the grades. (He attends afterschool and weekend classes and my DP tutors him. It just isn't sinking in.)

Would I be unreasonable to suggest he stays home once he's found employment and saves up enough for a house deposit which is most definitely cheaper than rent where he wants to live. Rent is over 1k a month for 1 bed flat.
His friends will have more money and are from quite well off families, they will be able to afford renting.

I unfortunately don't have the funds who start him on the property ladder, but I can definitely let him live rent free and cover his meals etc and try and teach him to be good with money?

I can't do anymore to help him become a high flyer career wise but if he gets a decent deposit and savings behind him, maybe that will keep him in good sted long term?

Sorry its a long one and any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated!

He should make his own decision when the time comes. You let him know he always has a home with you but not in a 'you'll fail' way.

Op chill, are you thinking he'll move out because of the baby?

I actually think he sounds like he'd be well suited to a trades apprenticeship, joiner, plumbers or something like that.

No point in stressing out about A levels if he'd never going to make it.

So many replies, thank you!

I've been working myself up over it, I can see that now.
He probably won't have friends moving away from home anytime soon either, it's just kids isn't it? I'm definitely just stressing out completely unnecessarily and will take the chill advice on board.
I talk about this to my DP and he tells me that I'm fretting bollocks over nowt.

What's really been an amazing help is reading your DCs career options etc and how well some of our less academic kids are doing. Thank you so much!
@Ted27 your son and you always inspire me with everything you accomplish together, truly!

This thread has helped me calm my somewhat irratic tits and I'm really grateful x

The best thing you can do now is help him explore the many, many non-academic career options. Apprenticeships sound like they could be perfect for him, what is he good at? Maybe a trade? Customer service?

If he gets into the right field he may well end up ahead of his peers if they are going to uni! Many degrees are not that helpful.

@Lwrenagain , i totally get where you are trying to think of the future and ways to help them. I'm the same, though mine are older. Without parental help, kids must really struggle , and mine don't have an inheritance coming their way, so if we don't help them, no one will.

There are other options post 16 other than sixth form
My 16 year old isn't academic and he's also been extremely unwell a few months ago ,( he was in critical care) so has missed the whole of the last half term at school.I'm hoping he gets enough trust to do a level two course at college but even if he does,nt is always level one mod colleges offer all.kinds of courses

He will soon discover that he can’t afford it, just let him dream.

I think you sound so lovely.

He's bouncing ideas off you and that is great.

How wonderful that he is self sufficient, you are doing a great job.

As they age, they slowly begin to understand the cost of living.

A part time job is great for that!

Be encouraging and supportive, but the reality is that moving out is very expensive.

Lots of young graduates remain at home because they are too comfortable 🙄 and the cost of it is huge.

Talk about what things cost, utilities, food, tax etc.

I doubt many 16 year olds move out of home, many 26 years olds are still at home and saving.

Many is the young adult I have heard that moved out when graduated, to ask to return within 6 months when they realised, holidays, running cars, a social life AND living out of home wasn't compatible with a newly graduates salary!

Just a suggestion, but when he's older and earning, rather than encourage him to save, teach him to. Discuss cost of living, food bills, heating and rent. Then fix a part of him wage- 10%-50%, what lost people have to pay out on bills, for him to give you. Obviously use it if needed, but if possible to save it for him, the life lesson in paying your way first, then the reward of a chunk of deposit money is more valuable to him.

No kid can move out when they are 16, I have young girls and fully expect them to be at home until way into their twenties or thirties unless they marry, move to a cheaper area or gain a ridiculously well paid job to make it alone.

I would try and focus his attention on getting into 6th year and achieving good grades. Then think about apprenticeship etc. He's a long, long way off from living independently. Nothing wrong with dreaming but at that age, I think you also have to help them manage their expectations.

he's working so hard to get into 6th form

Goodness me, you're jumping way ahead of yourself.

Concentrate on getting him through school with a few qualifications under his belt.

By the time he's an adult the world will have turned and who can see into the future?
A lot has happened in the last 3 years. Covid, Ukraine, now Sudan......

I do agree life for youngsters is a whole load more difficult than in my day even though we had different struggles.