For being annoyed I was asked to stand on a bus because of dog allergies?

[anywayhereswonderwall]

I went to visit a friend in London today and I took my dog. It's worth noting she is a mini poodle, and hypoallergenic, and well behaved. You can barely even tell she's there. I got on the bus as part of my journey. It was the middle of the day so there were a few empty seats (but not loads).

I got on and sat down, and the woman a few rows behind me said 'can you move , I have a dog allergy'. I apologised and moved a few rows forwards, the furthest forwards I could go and still get a seat.

She then shouted forwards 'not far enough, you're going have to stand at the front'.

I was confused, but did it. I spent the rest of the 35 minute journey standing right at the front of the bus while the woman was 3/4 of the way along, sitting.

I did what she said for the journey, but when I got off I felt annoyed and I'm not sure if I'm justified.

Unrelated to this thread really but I have an autistic DD and your description of that feeling of dread when you knew a meltdown was inevitable and unavoidable resonated only too well with me.

We also lost friends and social opportunities due to it. Plus I remember all the nasty comments over the years from strangers plus one cunt of a human being who actually filmed my DD having a meltdown on a plane. That was nice. Sympathy to you.

@PlanningQuestions

I take my dog into a dog friendly spaces because I understand that people have phobias and allergies. But it seems like more and more people are coming into these spaces and complaining about dogs being present, despite plenty of dog free alternatives nearby. Coming into a dog friendly place and trying to stamp your "Dogs shouldn't be allowed in cafes fullstop" views on everyone there is entitled. I wouldn't take my dog into a dog free cafe and demand to stay and that anyone who doesn't like dogs needs to leave. That WOULD be entitled. So why is it OK the other way around?

How on earth are you going to cope when it dies?

this! So entitled!!!!

if you choose to go to a dog friendly cafe then accept there will be dogs!

Is that your fucking business?

Sorry, i wasn't meant to aim that post just at you . I am surprised you can't take antihistamines and up inhaler dosage though. I have different allergies to different things too , so i can relate . I have to move a lot myself, i don't think i could demand it of someone else .
If i was the op i would be happy to not sit too close to an allergic person but to actually stand up miles away is just too much .

But there aren't. There are now hardly any eateries where dogs don't go. So speaking up is letting the eaterie establishments know that there are a great many of us who won't pay for the privilege of eating out when we have to contend with dogs.

Is anything on Mumsnet our business? No. It's a public forum where people talk.

Allergies are a nightmare, they are sodebilitating - if I have an allergic reaction, Im out of action for at least 24 hours - exhausted and with flu like symptons, so dont underestimate the impact of allergies on life.

However, as a person with allergies, you take control of the allergy, you cannot let it take control of your life. She could have donned a face mask and if she didn't wear glasses, popped some sunnies on, as that would have reduced exposure hugely. You should not have needed to accommodate her, that's OOO. Maybe next time if it happens you could say that you have a long journey, ask them if they've taken antihistamines or have a face mask? Your dog has as much right being on a bus as a person does.

And it's pet danda, not hair that people are typically allergic to hence why no do is hypoallergenic - they all shed skin cells just like we do.

As a PP said, surely if your child is allergic/likely to become distressed by the the presence of a dog, you would ask before going in? It’s quite simple. ‘Good morning, do you allow dogs?’
Yes we do.
’Thanks, we will choose somewhere else; where do you recommend?’
🙂

Well, how do you think? The poster will have to go through the grieving process, as we all do when we lose a beloved pet - it's horrible, and I hope she has plenty of love and support when the sad day comes.

@Fourteenhouses I’ve actually NEVER seen a guide dog in rl and I’m 45 !
You've never seen a guide dog? Where do you live? Perhaps you are too wrapped up in your own world of entitlement to notice. Not only do I see guide dogs from time to time but I frequently see dogs being trained to be guide dogs and puppies being fostered pre-training. These puppies are taken EVERYWHERE as they need to be desensitised.

@Cheerleader

That is an exaggeration. I live in Lake District, which is dog mad. Quite possibly the most dog mad place in the UK, but we still have dog free cafes. I have visited plenty of places outside the Lake Dsitrict where there are hardly any dog free cafes at all.

It depends on the rules of the bus company. Some bus companies don’t allow dog, some allow dogs if they don’t endanger or interfere with other passengers. Some have less strict rules. I think the other passenger could claim it was endangering her. Maybe she knew the rules.

I’ve worked night shifts for 25 years now so maybe that’s partly why !! That plus not getting out a great deal and living in quite a remote area I guess ?

If someone on a forum says that their elderly mum or very ill child saved them, that they’re the reason they’re alive right now, do you ask how they’ll cope when their mum/ill child dies? Or I’d it just let’s you feel it’s appropriate to say that about?

**Or is it just PETS you feel it’s appropriate to say that about?

No, it’s not. And I say that as a physically disabled wheelchair user. The Equality Act 2010 made the provision for ‘reasonable adjustment’ to accommodate disability, but it absolutely does not apply in situations like this By trying to invoke it to suit your own narrative, you’re doing a disservice to the long hard fight disabled people have had to get that legislation put in place to stop genuine discrimination against them in education, employment, public spaces, leisure and entertainment etc.

You were not being discriminated against in that cafe. You went into a dog friendly cafe and then demanded that a dog owner leave because of your childs’ disability. Reasonable adjustment doesn’t apply here, because your child wasn’t being discriminated against or excluded - there are plenty of non dog friendly cafes available.

I find that generally people are kind and understanding of disability and will help given the chance. I also realise that mine is a more visible disability and that it’s harder for others to understand something that’s less visible, but navigating life with any kind of disability is hard. I would imagine it would be even harder as a result of being taught from an early age to expect society to step up and take responsibility for your disability. That’s what you’re teaching your child with this entitled behaviour, and it’s not a good way to prepare them for the battles ahead. Life is hard and disability is not a get out of jail free card, please don’t teach your child that it is.

@Fourteenhouses I'm not creating an imaginary scenario. I like many, many people want to know what you would do if you were in a cafe and had just been served and a guide dog came in and your dc went into a frenzied meltdown. As this is not a bizarre and freakish possibility, please tell us what you would do in this scenario?

Bless you for doing as she asked - she was extremely rude and you are obviously a nice person. I would've told her to do one.

Im not a dog lover myself but what she did was wrong. If she really had an allergy (which I doubt - I reckon she was just being a dick) she should've moved herself.

Why? Dogs are allowed on buses. In London we are encouraged to not have cars, so to get to the vet etc we have to use public transport 🤷‍♀️

My son had a severe allergic reaction to a poodle, after stroking it. The next time we saw the owner he was really offended that I wouldn't let my son stroke it and went on and on about how it was "hypoallergenic". It's bollocks. My son was covered in hives from head to toe.

I think the lady on the bus was not unreasonable to ask you to move further away, and I would have happily taken a different seat. However I would have ignored further requests to move to a position without a seat. If her allergies were that bad then she could have stood at the front where the doors opening meant the air was more dog-free.

Neither of you were wrong for using the bus!

As far as @Fourteenhouses is concerned, I suspect that her DS’s disability means that she has had to develop a thick skin whilst coping with his behaviour & advocating for his wellbeing. I imagine that keeping DS calm takes so much mental energy that it’s hard for her to see how her comments come across to other people. No one wants to be in a confined space with a loud distressed child, it was easier in this situation for them to stay put & the dog owners to leave. However the dog owner AIBU would have been ‘Why do I have to be inconvenienced because of the disruptive behaviour of someone else’s child?’.

@Fourteenhouses you were not in the wrong but it’s your manner that is getting everyone’s back up. If you had said ‘I apologised & asked them to take the dog out’ then it would have come across as less entitled. But maybe you didn’t apologise for their inconvenience or the owner’s loss of business?

Disclaimer: I own both dog & children and avoid taking the dog on buses or into cafes. I do take the dog into the pub occasionally if we’re having a meal on holiday.

I suspect you won’t get an answer to this from that poster, because they’ll probably be able to work out that ‘reasonable adjustment’ does apply here, and that asking the person with the guide dog to leave would be actual discrimination.

Regardless if a cafe is dog friendly I would expect adults to be empathetic towards a child that already has enough challenges in their life

obviously some people with dogs are not because they want to take their dog/s out their dogs right to be somewhere is more important

not everyone and thankfully not every dog owner views the world this way