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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be hurt by this and is it odd?

26 replies

Hotelstay · 24/04/2023 17:59

We have a nice hotel in our town and I said to DH last night that I'd love to go stay in it for the night. To just relax, watch crap TV on a big bed, soak in the bath, order food and not have to wash up etc.. basically just spend a night away from the chaos of home.

We have one toddler together and DH has two other children too from previous relationship. So between 3 kids, work, pets, general life I just feel like I never get any time to just be.

He said that we should do it and book a nights stay and I said I actually meant by myself.

He thinks this is weird and is hurt I wouldn't want to stay with him.

So basically is it weird to want to spend a night in a hotel without DH and AIBU to do it?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 24/04/2023 18:01

Nope

I used to live working away for all those reasons!

MissingMoominMamma · 24/04/2023 18:02

Would you be hurt if he did it?

twix23 · 24/04/2023 18:02

Nope.
I have work event I'll be staying 1 night in a hotel and I'm beyond excited for everything you just described!

Vivalaive · 24/04/2023 18:02

No I say this all the time to my dh and dc 😂 “i need a holiday… alone!”

Original poster

Hotelstay · 24/04/2023 18:03

MissingMoominMamma · 24/04/2023 18:02

Would you be hurt if he did it?

No.

But DH is a very 'downtime is spending time together' type of person whereas to me, proper downtime is sometimes just wanting time to be by myself.

OP posts:

iklboo · 24/04/2023 18:03

Nope. If I win Euromillions I'm setting up a hotel entirely for this purpose.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 24/04/2023 18:03

I see both sides. YANBU to want that, but YABU not to understand why he might be a little bit hurt at not being invited/wanted.

junebirthdaygirl · 24/04/2023 18:04

Not weird at all. It's my idea of heaven and my dc are adults. It's the thought of that lovely bed/ bath maybe even a massage. I could have most of that at home but there are too many jobs calling my name to be able to relax.
I had the pleasure once as was in a city the night before a conference and it was bliss.
Go for it.

Hidingawaytoday · 24/04/2023 18:04

I get why you want to do it, but tbh I'd be hurt if DH said he wanted to do the same. But I'm also a complete hypocrit and organised a work trip for myself the other week as I really wanted a night in a hotel by myself 🤷‍♀️. So basically, neither of you are being unreasonable.

Ilovelurchers · 24/04/2023 18:04

I do understand why you would want to do it on your own. I would enjoy that too. Tho given the choice I would enjoy it even more if my DH was there, because of the sex aspect! (I have always especially enjoyed sex in hotel rooms for some reason).

But you are not weird no. I also slightly understand his being hurt a little, but it's certainly not worth him being in a big mood over it ....

Basically I don't think either of you are in the wrong.

Hotfootgoose · 24/04/2023 18:04

You are not unreasonable at all. You just want some sleep and quiet time alone. Nothing wrong with that

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 24/04/2023 18:04

How often do the two of you get away together? Maybe he misses adult time with you?

I don't think it's weird at all, but maybe he wanted time with you which is lovely.

Original poster

Hotelstay · 24/04/2023 18:08

Admittedly not often but that is mainly due to his work being pretty full on and not being able to take much time and having the kids too.

OP posts:

Gymnopedie · 24/04/2023 18:09

I do rather think that if a man wanted to do that, without any discussion, there would be shrieks that he assumed the woman was the default childcare.

Not entirely unreasonable of you OP but not if you presented it as a done deal.

gannett · 24/04/2023 18:10

YANBU for wanting a solo night in a hotel, sounds lovely.

But in the context of telling your husband about the hotel in a conversation you were having, obviously he'd automatically think you were suggesting it for both of you and would be miffed at the big "only for me" reveal.

If DP said he'd booked a solo night away to do whatever, or said he specifically wanted to do something solo, I wouldn't be hurt at all. If he told me about a lovely hotel with lovely amenities and then said "but I don't want you to come", yes I'd be miffed!

Original poster

Hotelstay · 24/04/2023 18:11

Just to clarify I haven't booked anything nor do I have any solid plans to. We were just talking about that we'd love to do. It's something I've been thinking for a while but haven't ever gotten round to actually doing. I even suggested last night he could get it me for my birthday 😂

OP posts:

Prancingponies · 24/04/2023 18:14

Been there, done that. Only difference was that m husband said to go for it.

So do it from me! It's well worth it. Self care is so underrated.

Ponderingwindow · 24/04/2023 18:16

I was taking dc to an activity and the trip meant sharing the hotel room at the beginning and end of the trip and getting one blissful night by myself in the middle. My DH just assumed he should travel 4 hours to another city to spend that night with me because hotel without child means hotel sex to him. He honestly did not understand why I would want a night by myself.

Meanoldlady · 24/04/2023 18:18

Nope. I think about it often, I think most mums do.

Createausername1970 · 24/04/2023 18:19

It's not weird to want to do it, I completely understand.

Me and. DH have spent weekends away on our own, and the one away enjoys it, and the one left behind also enjoys it. We love each other, but we do like our own space as well.

Your DH doesn't seem so keen though. I don't know whether we would do this if the other one didn't like it.

So no, it's not unreasonable at all, but you need to work on the presentation.

IamSuperTired · 24/04/2023 18:23

Awwww..... I get where you are coming from, but my DH would have been hurt unless I had set the scene - eg. Saying, 'oh I'd love to have a night by myself one day. Do you think you'd like that too? Maybe you should book one night away? it would do you good! Maybe we should each book nights away for ourselves!? ... Oh, I wonder where I would go if I had a night to myself .... Oh I know, I wonder if I should that hotel near us for myself? Where could I book for you?..'

To be fair though, I'd love a night away with my DH! We've not had that for 11 years! 🤔 I think I'd rather have that than a night on my own!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 24/04/2023 18:29

Hotelstay · 24/04/2023 18:11

TBH I'm not surprised he's a bit hurt by that. You're kind of saying that you want to get away from him for your birthday - I know that's not how you meant it, though.

I don't think there's anything wrong with craving time to yourself but I do think there's ways of going about it that aren't quite as harsh, lol.

Coffeeandcards · 24/04/2023 18:39

YANBU to want it, but equally he is NBU to feel a bit hurt.

LCTikaheu · 24/04/2023 18:40

If you don't have time for eachother then yabu and should do that together.

Yanbu to want to do that and you should if a) he does his own thing- nights away / hobbies that rake up time b) he is OK with it when you talk it over. C) you wouldn't be upset if he wanted to do the same and is given the chance if he did.

SarahAndQuack · 24/04/2023 18:42

I would have been hurt if DP said 'hey, you know the nice hotel ... I really fancy a night away there' because I would have automatically assumed she was inviting me too and I'd have started looking forward to it!

I don't think it is hurtful or selfish to want time to yourself, but I think I'd take care to frame it so it's clear from the outset. Maybe you did! Apologies if so.

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