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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents of Sons friend

35 replies

Philosophical1 · 24/04/2023 17:05

Looking for some perspective, AIBU; I wonder if maybe I actually am. DS (6) has a friend that is in the same class at school, his friend lives on our street with his parents and we’ve known them about a year and a half after both boys started a friendship.

Everytime we invite DS’s friend over to play at our house the parents always come and stay too (both of them). I just feel a bit put out by this, it basically means that for the few hours both kids are playing we are then entertaining the parents / making cups of tea etc. I know it sounds a bit mean but I just find it very draining, they’re lovely but we don’t really have much in common and the whole 2 or so hours always feels quite draining. FYI they aren’t staying because they think they’re close friends with us, they are both quite open about the fact the mum (in her own words) is overprotective and won’t let him stay somewhere without her. I just feel it’s a bit much to not only have one of them come and stay for the duration of the play date, but they both descend on us. My DS would love to invite his friend over for tea one night after school, but I keep saying no because realistically that will mean I have to cater to his parents too.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 24/04/2023 17:06

That sounds over the top yes.

Original poster
Philosophical1 · 24/04/2023 17:09

Thanks for your reply. It makes me wonder if it’s us that have it wrong sometimes- 6 is old enough to have an independent play date isn’t it? I’m not judging their parenting by the way, I’m sure I do things differently to how alot of others would!

OP posts:
Original poster
Philosophical1 · 24/04/2023 17:11

Also would it be unfair to invite their son over for tea and say something like ‘you don’t need to stay’. I don’t want offend them or put them in a difficult position.

OP posts:
sabrinatheteenagewhich · 24/04/2023 17:12

Ynbu. Could you send a message saying ds would like other child to come for tea on date. I will pick them up for school and let them play for a few hours then you can collect child at.
This makes it clear it's just for the child and not them, if they say no, you can tell your son you tried

lavagal · 24/04/2023 17:15

DR is in year 1 she has gone to a friends house for tea after school with us collecting at approx 6pm. Friend lives same village but not same street If they lived in the same street They would likely be in and out of each other's houses offen. No need for parent to stay IMO once they have sussed that your decent / capable / that child is safe

lavagal · 24/04/2023 17:15

DD not DR

OrwellianTimes · 24/04/2023 17:15

My older DC used to have play dates solo at 6, but my younger never has - they are 6 now and the parents all seem much clingier - I think it’s since covid. I think the parents of this cohort seem a lot more over protective!

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 24/04/2023 17:16

Fuck that.

That is really weird behaviour and you do not need to cater to
that sort of foolishness.

id do a breezy “now you’ve been over when X has come to play we’ll make it boys only next time. Just an hour and won’t that be great for everyone?!!”

WafflingDreamer · 24/04/2023 17:17

Just say to the mum DS would like A to come over for food. I'll collect then both from school and then you can collect at 6pm or whatever. If they say no then tell DS that it's not convenient for A's family just yet. I understand it for the first time if you don't know the family well or if you child hasnt had many playdates. I think it's really rude for both parents to come how awkward for you!

Franklin2000 · 24/04/2023 17:18

ds (6) Has a friend who lives on the road. I met his mum from the children just playing out on the street. At first when they went into either house, mum came for a cuppa too but only a couple of times. Certainly not her DH too, that would’ve been a bit much. Now, it’s very much one of us will tell the other to go home and do jobs while one watches the children, or play dates at either house without the child’s parent. We normally have a drink when we pick up so we can have a chat on a friendly basis. It all seems a bit much and too overprotective if she now knows you.

Weallgottachangesometime · 24/04/2023 17:21

I think it’s weird for them to stay if you don’t really get on. Wouldn’t be so bad if it was just one of them, but both of them coming sounds a big intense!

maybe suggest collecting her son from school and bringing him straight home with you or otherwise making arrangements that means he arrives without his parents. If they try to come too I’d say something along the lines of “I’ll be working on my laptop while they play”- so she knows you aren’t up for inviting her too.

ultimately though if she won’t allow him to come without her you’ll have to decide to put up with it or stop inviting him…maybe do some meet ups at the park instead etc. Her choice I suppose. Personally I don’t get it. I’d jump at the chance to drop my kids off somewhere!!

Fandabedodgy · 24/04/2023 17:23

sabrinatheteenagewhich · 24/04/2023 17:12

Ynbu. Could you send a message saying ds would like other child to come for tea on date. I will pick them up for school and let them play for a few hours then you can collect child at.
This makes it clear it's just for the child and not them, if they say no, you can tell your son you tried

Very sensible suggestion. Try this.

SemperIdem · 24/04/2023 17:23

Honestly that would drive me around the twist to the point I’d stop the playdates.

ChunkyCheese · 24/04/2023 17:28

I wouldn’t like both parents showing up like that either. But if that’s how they parent I think you might need to accept they won’t allow their child to come alone so the play dates may stop for now. I don’t think you can tell them not to come, only word a text similarly to how other have suggested, but prepare yourself/ your child for the fact they will likely say no.

MusicansMum · 24/04/2023 17:29

There was a boy in my mum's class like that. She went to every party, too, and hovered over him controlling what he had to eat. I last saw her when they were 16 - she was walking behind him as he walked to school with his friends. He's now emigrated to New Zealand.

thinkfast · 24/04/2023 17:34

That's weird behaviour OP. If I were you I'd message something like "DS would love to invite Xx round to play. Is xx doing drop off play dates now? If not, let me know when he's ready to do drop off play dates so we can organise a date."

thinkfast · 24/04/2023 17:35

Also if they try to come in again don't offer them tea or anything that indicates your happy for them to stay!

Original poster
Philosophical1 · 24/04/2023 17:37

Thanks everyone. I’ll try the suggestion about other kids coming for tea so they’re clear it’s not a ‘parents thing’ too. I feel a bit mean as they are lovely, but we just don’t have much in common and the conversation is awkward. I would much rather just have both boys here without them then I could get on with doing other stuff while they played.

OP posts:
Original poster
Philosophical1 · 24/04/2023 17:39

I don’t want to put them in a difficult position where they have to say no I guess as I accept everyone parents differently, but I feel it’s getting a bit much now and it’s a bit of a chore (as much as I love seeing both playing together).

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 24/04/2023 17:39

She's already said that she's over protective. She's never going to change. Best to encourage your son to make more friends, so you can actually have play dates without 2 parents watching! That would.put me off.

Ellie1015 · 24/04/2023 17:47

Yanbu a play date is fine, entertaining both parents would absolutely put me off too.

rubadubdubascrubinahottub · 24/04/2023 17:53

That would drive me insane, I wouldn't invite again.

colddrytoast · 24/04/2023 17:56

For the boys' sake I'd invite again, but don't feel you have to feed the parents too! That is crazy thinking. I'd point them towards the kettle and say no sugar in mine, thanks, but then that's me

mmgirish · 24/04/2023 17:59

I have the same situation with my son's friend and they are 11! We had a bit of a showdown via whatsapp recently over my son's birthday party. This mum is very pushy. I've stopped inviting the child around. It's too much hassle.

Stellaroses · 24/04/2023 18:05

You are going to have to take up an annoying hobby and do it enthusiastically when they come round. Suggest karaoke or a new musical instrument.
Seriously though I personally would keep hosting the parents but be “getting on with things” while they were there eg cooking, cleaning. Agree it’s odd and very annoying! Surely they will get bored??