Parents of Sons friend

[Philosophical1]

Looking for some perspective, AIBU; I wonder if maybe I actually am. DS (6) has a friend that is in the same class at school, his friend lives on our street with his parents and we’ve known them about a year and a half after both boys started a friendship.

Everytime we invite DS’s friend over to play at our house the parents always come and stay too (both of them). I just feel a bit put out by this, it basically means that for the few hours both kids are playing we are then entertaining the parents / making cups of tea etc. I know it sounds a bit mean but I just find it very draining, they’re lovely but we don’t really have much in common and the whole 2 or so hours always feels quite draining. FYI they aren’t staying because they think they’re close friends with us, they are both quite open about the fact the mum (in her own words) is overprotective and won’t let him stay somewhere without her. I just feel it’s a bit much to not only have one of them come and stay for the duration of the play date, but they both descend on us. My DS would love to invite his friend over for tea one night after school, but I keep saying no because realistically that will mean I have to cater to his parents too.

am I being unreasonable?

That's really weird and I wouldn't have them back. I'd ask mum if she would be comfortable with the boy coming over to play on his own and if not just say aaah that's a shame, never mind.

If she pushes and says she'll come too, just say you don't really have the time to sit with them while the boys are playing as you arent really used to the whole family coming for a playdate and have xyz to do but happy for him to come on his own anytime they change their mind.

I remember I had a couple of friends in primary who weren’t allowed to come and play without their parents. My mum used to say those families probably had something to hide and wanted to “guard” their children from spilling secrets - she never elaborated but I think she meant about drunk or nasty parents.

Tbh I’m probably one of the overprotective parents too, to let my 5 year old go to someone house unattended by either me or my husband it would have to be a family that I know very well. I’d have to be friends with the parents like. I just wouldn’t be comfortable leaving a child that small in a near strangers house. I always suggest park dates or soft play dates when meeting with friends which seems to work really well. I guess I’ve always been of the mindset you just don’t know what goes on in other peoples houses 🤷‍♀️ I’ll maybe feel different when they are older though.

Also I wouldn’t go sit in someone’s house for 2 hours whilst kids have a play date, that is weird ass behaviour. I would suggest a play date in the park, soft play etc.

I think as long as they know you can be trusted to keep him safe and in the house/garden they need to start weaning themselves off these particular play dates. I can understand to an extent how she feels as my son once told me while he was having tea at a friends house they were allowed out and went to the local cemetery! They were a bit older (not much) but still in primary and I was quite shocked as he wasn’t old enough (to me) to be out and about without supervision.

could you say something like

"We'd love to have x over to play after school. I have some bits to do around the house so I thought they could have some fun with x toy/game while I do that, then I'll do tea and bring him home at whatever time"

Make it clear you're not available to play hostess so they can helicopter around their child.

You don't know people's experiences. If you don't want parents to come along make that clear, but don't judge them for being how they are.

We have this too, although slightly less awkward with one parent than the two, and I agree it’s annoying because you have to entertain the parent rather than just getting on with whatever while the children play.
Finally after 3 years they let their child come over occasionally, but only ever for an hour or so. And I think they only allow that to happen because they now have another younger child - when that child can be looked after by dad, then mum will accompany child 1 to our house. Puts me off inviting to be honest.

The OP has said in pretty much every post that she’s not judging them, so why post that?

She’s far more charitable than I am (I’m judging them!).

I’m judging too.

It’s completely ridiculous.