AIBU for feeling like a mug over a first birthday party invitation?

[SimpsonEJ]

There is a couple from our NCT group who we thought we got on with and so we invited them to our baby’s first birthday party. The group dynamic is a bit weird with a few strange characters and we don’t have much in common with many of them so we didn’t invite the whole group.

I then found out that they’ve invited another few couples from our NCT group to their baby’s first bday party but haven’t invited us even though they very enthusiastically accepted our invitation. I don’t think it’s an issue of them having enough space as they have a large house so I’m thinking they must not like us but are clearly pretending they do probably out of politeness / awkwardness.

I now feel like a mug for inviting them to ours and that it will be weird when they come but I think uninviting them would be petty and too aggressive so I’m not going to do that.

Firstly, AIBU for being upset by this? I feel like I’m being ridiculously childish, acting like an insecure teenager and I’m quite surprised by myself. I don’t know if it’s because this is our first baby and we still don’t know how these things work (maybe this is normal?) but I do feel quite insulted.

Secondly, what would you do? Would you say something? I really feel like a can’t say anything directly but I also kind of want them to know that I know we weren’t invited to theirs.

She is though. Empathy? For what? Someone getting upset for no good reason. Why would I have any empathy for this?

This is so kind, thank you ❤

This is such sound advice, thank you 🙏

OP they are being rude not returning the invitation however since your party hasn't happened yet they might not even turn up. They might claim their DC is sick or whatever. However honest to god OP several years down the line you will look at some of the "friends " you made in baby groups and wonder how the hell was I friends with them

You’re not being ridiculous, NCT can get complicated when a group of people are thrust together and try their best to make a big friendship group happen - just because they have babies the same age!

Ours has naturally fractured somewhat due to locations and interests. Yes I’ve seen some of the group at each others birthdays where I wasn’t invited, but then I’ve often met up with the closer ones at the park where you don’t want to invite 8 other families and argue over times/dates!! We try to meet up as a bit group but sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

I’m sure those people had their reasons for not inviting you, they probably still like you, just not for this party for whatever reason!

@MsCunk

!00% spot on!

@WelshNerd

Yes!!! With bells on!

@50percentNamaste50percentGoFuckYourself
You dont have to call her ridiculous, what is that achieving, other practical ways to give advice without name calling like a child..

at the risk of sounding stupid, whats NCT?

This is AIBU. She is. And also ridiculous. Which she knows and has stipulated to, so hardly needs you to leap in and dress me down.

@fairycakes1234

National Childbirth Trust.
Although a friend of mine who joined a group years ago, tried to fit in, but couldn't, so left, referred to it as........(and this will offend NCT advocates)........the Naff Crappy Twats Sorry, her words, not mine.

It's a first birthday party so not really for the kid but for the parents! As they can't drop and run obviously they thought it would be awkward or something and they could t refuse your invite as it would be rude

Oh right, must be an english thing, i never heard of it, whats wrong with baby groups in your local area?

@fairycakes1234 It's class thing.... NCT is where you meet the middle class parents in your area (but you're not supposed to say that out loud.)

Try not to be offended, it doesn’t sound like these are your “close friends” who haven’t invited you or that it’s been done put of malice….you are merely acquaintances with babies the same age, possibly the only thing you have in common. They possibly have only invited the couple they get on with the best too, they maybe have a lot of family or don’t really want extra babies/ people there they aren’t particularly close to.

Prepare yourself for primary school when your child isn’t invited to every party and they see other children with invites….this is way more heartbreaking and you just have to suck it up and support your child and teach them that we can’t always be invited to every party….likewise they can’t always invite everyone to their party

Also fwiw….I dread being invited to first birthday parties especially if not particularly close to the family….awkwardly chatting to their random family members you’ve never met before….no thanks, I’d be glad I wasn’t invited

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I agree. They have just done the same thing.

A few people have said this but I don’t get how it’s the same thing. I invited them and they didn’t invite me. The point was the lack of reciprocity, not the fact that they’re being selective about who to invite.

Thanks for the support @fairycakes1234 I appreciate your kindness 🙏

Wait until the school days begin, it all gets ten times worse than this!

If you're just pissed off at the lack of reciprocity then you have to suck it up I'm afraid.
They're probably feeling just as awkward that they have accepted an invitation to a party for your baby when they're not that into you.
Did they accept 'enthusiastically' face-to-face, or was it in a message?
Very difficult to say 'god no thanks, can't bear you, you are strange characters' when you get an invite in person!

Maybe they’re only coming to yours to report back to the others what your house/party is like?
Maybe they really like you and are feeling stuck in the middle.

Either could be true and I expect this won’t be the last time you’re in this situation!