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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the phrase “your teenage years are the best years of your life” is bullshit

73 replies

Longlongtime11 · 23/04/2023 18:14

I get utterly irritated with this statement and I feel it can be utterly depressing to many young people. Firstly, it can be utterly discouraging to those going through a hard time and effectively being told “it’s never going to get better”. In my opinion they’re only the best days of your life if:

you’ve got a good home life
You’re not in poverty/very poor
You’ve got no mental health issues
You’re cool/popular
You have friends
You’re suited to a school/college environment
You don’t get bullied

Etc etc. For those who are middle class, cool party people then it may well be true. However, a huge number their teenage years were not pleasant at all and for some it was ok but not their best days. The phrase “peaked in high school” seems to sum this up. For me personally I had an ok time as a teenager but had an ex friend pick on me a lot and was quite socially awkward. I can think of a lot of moments from my twenties, thirties and now forties that i much preferred. For me, the absolute best time of my life was having my DD and that wasn’t until my thirties. Aibu to think this phrase is completely untrue.

OP posts:

NotTerfNorCis · 24/04/2023 08:01

People say that about university, not heard it said about teenage years.

CeeJay81 · 24/04/2023 08:04

Teenage years were some of the worst years of my life due to an unstable childhood and bullling leading to anxiety. I consider my life significantly better now I'm in my 40s.

TodayInahurry · 24/04/2023 08:17

Disagree, I had jobs I enjoyed to earn money to allow me to travel and other things which were not possible when I was a teenager.

Therealog · 24/04/2023 08:24

I agree OP.

For one of my teenagers it is- they have great mental health and resilience, good looking, healthy, intelligent and strong. Even with that there are times they are bored, lonely, fed up etc

For another of my kids, the teen years were hell, they really struggled and suffered. They are so much happier now they are an adult.

So the teen years can be the best is you are blessed with a stable upbringing, good mental health, physical health and luck. But let’s be honest; although it is a time when emotions are heightened and kids are trying new experiences for the first time; most will feel bored, rejected, stressed, uncertain and terrified at times. They are choosing what they want to be gor the rest of their lives. They are trying to figure out where they fit in. They are testing the waters if being an adult.

I would say for most the happiest years are the college age years 18-24- they have some money, some freedom, romance, travel etc.

SchoolShenanigans · 24/04/2023 08:27

Isn't this the same with everything though?

I get sick of hearing how wonderful having kids is. I adore my children but I absolutely hate parenting sometimes and the stress of the responsibilities.

YANBU - no part of life is the best, they all come with positives and negatives.

FWIW I loved my teenage years on the whole. hated my 20s. Enjoyed my 30s a little more. Hope 40s are where it's at for me!

Kanaloa · 24/04/2023 08:31

I can see what people mean when they say it. If you have a good home life being mid teens is great, because you have a lot of adult freedoms (choosing where to go and who to be with, starting to develop your own likes and interests) but none of the adult responsibilities (paying bills, stress about finances etc). Everything’s ahead of you, the future is your oyster. Obviously if you have an awful home life it’s the opposite - all of the worry and none of the control to change things. But I understand how those who had a good family life would think being a teen is some of the best times of your life.

Grumpafrump · 24/04/2023 08:48

Who says that?? Teen years are the worst because it’s when you are at your most awkward. I think it’s university days you’re thinking of.

JazbayGrapes · 24/04/2023 08:51

you are so right.
Give me work and bills to pay anytime over having to go to school!

Spendonsend · 24/04/2023 08:55

My son literally just asked me whether your school days are the best days of your life. He is about to leave as its exam time.

I gave him a resounding no. Even if it were true, it's a depressing thing to hear at 15 with your whole life ahead.

MagpieSong · 24/04/2023 08:58

Grumpafrump · 24/04/2023 08:48

Who says that?? Teen years are the worst because it’s when you are at your most awkward. I think it’s university days you’re thinking of.

It was definitely teens when it was said multiple times to me, though I’m sure some experience it during university (or not at all). I was sectioned for half of my uni life and had far less older adults around me in day to day life than during school years, so perhaps that’s why no one said it then. Equally, I think people move past the ‘it’s just a phase’ thinking regarding mental health once you’re more of an adult yourself and ime that often goes hand in hand with it. I’ve never heard it said to a happy teenager with no issues, it seemed to be something said to those who were not enjoying those years as a ‘come on, snap out of it, you’ve got no real problems yet, wait until you’ve got to earn your keep and support dependents’ thing.

GlumyGloomer · 24/04/2023 09:23

I also think that 20's are the best, maximum freedom.
If my health holds out then maybe my 50's will be decent too (guess what age I had kids, lol)

phoenixrosehere · 24/04/2023 09:32

YANBU about the phrase, it’s ridiculous and does more harm than good but YABVU to insert class into it. You can have a shi++y time as a teen regardless of class.

Fromage · 24/04/2023 09:41

Never heard the phrase.

When I was about 10, a doctor (at an appointment) said "Do you enjoy school?" and I said no, I hated it. He said people said your school days were the best days of your life, but they certainly weren't for him. I felt heard. Never forgotten that. I think hearing it helped me through my godawful teen years.

LunaNorth · 24/04/2023 09:45

I was an emotionally neglected, OCD and anxiety- riddled, acne-covered teenager, with unkempt ginger hair. I was also clever, in a rough as arseholes school.

I wouldn’t go back if you paid me.

EustaceTheMonk · 24/04/2023 09:50

Never heard this before. "Schooldays" yes, but "teenage years" never.

Having said that, outside school, I had a great time as a teenager. Only got better when I went out to work from 18 and got money in my pocket.

Schooldays were vile though. Hated every day of them.

DrManhattan · 24/04/2023 09:50

Never heard this. Heard school years are the best but that would cover 4 to 18.

JamSandle · 24/04/2023 10:11

I also only heard school days. I'm very happy being an adult but I absolutely adored my childhood. Teen years were fraught with the usual ups and downs. I wouldn't be a teenager again but overall it was a blast and I did have kind years.

BloodyHellKen · 24/04/2023 10:17

I thought the saying was school days are the best days of your life (which is the same I suppose, but a bit different if you see what I mean).

Either way it's nonsense. Primary school is okay as you are young and carefree but Secondary School is awful experience and I say that as someone who had a good group of friends and came out with 9 good O levels.

All that teenage angst and insecurity. I'd rather be an adult living on the breadline (which I have been when younger) than go through that hell again.

FreddiesTeeth · 24/04/2023 15:25

Nah. I'm heading for 60 and my life is much better and I'm havi g far more fun now. You couldn't pay me to be 13 again - unless I could go back knowing what I know now.

Teasncoffee · 24/04/2023 16:36

YANBU

I didn't have that phrase but did have ''your school years are the best of your life" and so did my husband. We both hated school, did okay but hated it, the system is shit and we both had fairly shitty home lives (DV).

One of the reasons we now home ed our own DC because of how failed and shit our own school experience was and woe betide anyone that says stupid bollocks phrases like "your teens are the best years of your life" to our own DC. Utterly stupid thing to say to anyone. No one knows what somebody's life is like behind closed doors or what is happening is somebody's head. I'm with you 100% OP.

ladykale · 24/04/2023 17:02

No one says that.

Think it's typically thought to be your 20s?

Dotjones · 24/04/2023 17:08

"Schooldays are the best days of your life" was the lie I heard when growing up. Utter bullshit, school was awful - the best days were tolerable, the majority of days were terrible. The only good thing about school was the long holidays. Even they were dull, because we couldn't really afford to do much - at least, not what I wanted to do - but at least I was free from the terror of other pupils and staff.

The best days of my life were during the first year at university, for the first time I could do what I liked most of the time. Eight hours a week of scheduled tuition, the rest of the time was my own. Plus for the first time I had what felt like loads of money to spend (conveniently ignoring the fact that I would spend years paying off the loans and credit cards, that was a worry for later on).

5128gap · 24/04/2023 17:37

Silly statement. Until we've completed our lives, and are on our death beds, how can we possibly know which will have been the best years?

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