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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the phrase “your teenage years are the best years of your life” is bullshit

73 replies

Longlongtime11 · 23/04/2023 18:14

I get utterly irritated with this statement and I feel it can be utterly depressing to many young people. Firstly, it can be utterly discouraging to those going through a hard time and effectively being told “it’s never going to get better”. In my opinion they’re only the best days of your life if:

you’ve got a good home life
You’re not in poverty/very poor
You’ve got no mental health issues
You’re cool/popular
You have friends
You’re suited to a school/college environment
You don’t get bullied

Etc etc. For those who are middle class, cool party people then it may well be true. However, a huge number their teenage years were not pleasant at all and for some it was ok but not their best days. The phrase “peaked in high school” seems to sum this up. For me personally I had an ok time as a teenager but had an ex friend pick on me a lot and was quite socially awkward. I can think of a lot of moments from my twenties, thirties and now forties that i much preferred. For me, the absolute best time of my life was having my DD and that wasn’t until my thirties. Aibu to think this phrase is completely untrue.

OP posts:

Catsmere · 24/04/2023 02:39

I’ve never heard anyone say it to me but it gets trotted out as a trope, usually to be dismissed (as it should be imo). If my childhood and teens had been the best I could look forward to I’d have killed myself.

Whenharrymetsmelly · 24/04/2023 02:45

I've never heard anyone say that either. I think the saying is your youth, which I'd say means 20s. And it's true! They were definitely my best years

Whenharrymetsmelly · 24/04/2023 02:48

Best because you've got some money (maybe not much, but enough to do simple things), you have freedom, your looks and your whole life ahead of you and the world is your oyster. By the time you have enough money in your late 30s, your world gets much smaller, with more responsibilities, less willingness to take risks etc etc.

suburbophobe · 24/04/2023 02:49

Oh, this is an old-fashioned saying from aeons ago when people got married at 21 or thereabouts. It also implies it's all the way downhill from there.
Absolute bullshit.

Enough threads on here from people who have found love in their 40's, 50's and 60's.

Life is what you make it. Don't tie yourself up in knots with what society "expects" from you. Just follow your own path.

ShippingNews · 24/04/2023 03:05

I've never heard it either.

Popuppilot · 24/04/2023 03:12

I'm surprised how many haven't heard that saying. My dad used to say it all the time to me as a teen!! Usually when a gas bill or similar had come through the door. I think it's something that people say to teens when they're struggling and they see that their child is sitting there with everything paid for and no adult stresses eg mortgage and bills.

Luckily I knew it was bollocks even then. I hated my teen years. Everyday since senior school ended (even really shitty days) I've thought well at least I'm not at school anymore.

GobbieMaggie · 24/04/2023 04:28

I wouldn’t say they were the “best” years of my life but they were OK. I had clear skin, looked good in swimwear, had a great set of friends and went to a good school in Hampstead area of north London. My parents were/are medical professionals, happily married and very supportive. We also had large extended family. Went to uni at 18 met my husband a year later.

BUT …… my parents worked very long hours , especially my father, and me and my sister would frequently spend Christmas at grandparents. I had extensive surgery following a serious riding accident. I had to learn to walk again ( wicked scars on my left knee ) and I’ll set off metal alarm at airport security.

Oblomov23 · 24/04/2023 04:33

Nope, never heard that said. For most it's unpleasant and a time you aren't that confident or settled.
I was happy, but didn't really realise it, only when I got into my late 20's did I realise how good I had it, and became more settled.

BusterGonads · 24/04/2023 04:38

I must be the odd one out here because although I've never heard that, my teenage years were the best times of my life.
I was young, dumb and didn't have a care in the world.
I'd love to be able to go back to those times and do it all again, rather than looking at a bus pass.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/04/2023 05:17

I think every saying is bullshit.
“Age is just a number” and “everything happens for a reason” being my 2 biggest pet peeves.

QueenMegan · 24/04/2023 05:33

Think they must mean lack of responsibility and worry. I thought the expression is school days are the best...Larkin?
Bollix are they.

CallHerJohn · 24/04/2023 05:38

Some people peak in high school. The cool/ popular people whose high school years really are the best time of their lives.

The rest of us, who are more average or achieve great things later on, do not feel that way.

Bellagio40 · 24/04/2023 05:47

I’ve never heard that phrase

Toomanybooks22 · 24/04/2023 06:00

I often heard the phrase "your school days are the best days of your lives" from grandparents but tbh always thought it was a silly saying. Think they just meant the lack of responsibility and compared to what they went through (my grandparents served in WW2 and struggled financially for quite a bit after) it probably was easier, still don't agree with the phrase being universally applied.

AlexisR · 24/04/2023 06:10

I don't think this is a well known phrase judging by the number of people on here who've never heard it.

Anyone I've ever spoken to about their teenage years in any depth has said that you couldn't pay them to go back, even if it wasn't too bad, they'd never want to relive it.

It's a confusing time even if you're popular and have a stable home life.

Beepe · 24/04/2023 06:11

I just c-a-n-n-o-t get worked up about a saying, made up or otherwise.

Tadah2 · 24/04/2023 06:14

I was repeatedly told by adults that ‘the school years are the best years of your life enjoy them’ no bills, no responsibilities etc. made me feel very down, as I thought this is the best it gets?! I was bullied - worst years of my life. Much prefer bills, with no bullying and the freedom to do what I want!

MRex · 24/04/2023 06:20

I remember my Nana and aunts being sympathetic that being a teenager is so hard, so I've only heard the opposite. I said the same to the teenage DNs. Between hormones, first relationships and exams, being a teenager is not easy for anyone, and I don't know why anyone might think it is. Until you hit 18 and go to uni or start work, then it's more of a mixed experience and fantastic for some.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 24/04/2023 06:43

I’ve heard it along with ‘youth is wasted on the young’. In the context of no bills, no responsibilities, etc. All very well for
those who had nice, carefree, easy lives.

Mortimercat · 24/04/2023 06:46

It isn’t a phrase.

MagpieSong · 24/04/2023 07:39

People used to say that to me all the time as a teenager and I found it really depressing. I had mental health issues, was coming to terms with my adoption and experienced sexual abuse. It was an at the time “These are the best years of your life, you should be enjoying them”. Obviously life fluctuates, not every moment was terrible and I had great friends, but they were not the best years of my I life. I think it’s the type of thing adults said (or say) to teenagers having a rough time, so perhaps that’s why some people haven’t heard it. My teens were in the 2000s+. Their point seemed to be the lack of responsibility you have without realising other issues can bring stress and, equally, with lack of responsibility comes a lack of independent choice (something that some cope less well with).

Id never go back to those years, but those friendships were and are so appreciated (though not all lasted). However, I much prefer my life now when I’ve had the time for my brain to work through everything, live in a place of safety, make my own choices and get the joy of experiencing bringing up my fab children. I always saw the comment as similar to the “You shouldn’t be upset about being adopted because your (adoptive) parents love you.” As if loss and previous experience were something that didn’t exist unless you were an adult. It was the same people who tended to say both.

oioimatey · 24/04/2023 07:41

Never heard anyone say that.

"Thank god I'm not a teenager" - now that I have heard.

daretodenim · 24/04/2023 07:52

It's very much protracted in American sitcoms and movies. There's a kind of fetishisation of teenage years - High School, prom, prom king & queen, homecoming king and queen, massive emphasis on boys' high school sports and of course cheerleaders, learning to drive and getting a car (little public transport, so it's more important), sweet sixteen, graduation of high school, and the list goes on. And ALL THAT is before the internet and agodawful memes, abd tiktok posters.

So while it may not ever have been said directly, there's an air of it around in entertainment, coming from a culture that's not actually ours.

It was said to me though and I had COTSD (undiagnosed at that point) and was regularly planning my suicide. On some days it was akin to someone pushing me off the ledge i was imagining standing on.

daretodenim · 24/04/2023 07:53

*CPTSD

Ivanovaa · 24/04/2023 07:57

I hated being a teenager. The freedom, unlimited possibilities and all this unfulfilled potential of my 20s .. that period was amazing! I am so so glad I traveled a lot, lived abroad and figured out what I liked doing before I had my three kids :)

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