100k+ salary, is it worth it?

[Goingtogetslated]

For the record…Not trying to be insensitive…

partner and I both earn approx 150k each. Working long and unpredictable hours with high levels of stress and responsibility.

Yet here we are living in a 3 bed terrace in the east end of london, a basic car, neither of us into high end expenses/dining out/clothes. We used to holiday a lot pre children, I guess would classify as our major expenditure in the past.

But is it actually worth it? A decent 4/5 bed house (with kerb appeal I admit) in the commuter belt seems to be coming in at 1.5 million minimum. Add the commuting costs/ extended nursery hours, paid help required theres barely anything left - relatively speaking.

Would we not be better off sacking it all in, moving to the countryside and earning enough to pay the bills?

We appear to be stuck in this middle ground where we earn too much to have any allowances from the state, contribute a lot to the government yet not enough for any real benefits in lifestyle

To be fair OP, that house link you posted was for a pretty extravagant house so I’m not surprised at the price tag.

I moved from London to Gloucestershire about 20 years ago. I’ve had children here and my family moved out to join me. It’s lovely here and I’ll never go back. I am self employed now and the freedom/way of life is so much better than when I was slogging my guts out for a company in the city.

On your situation I’d move and take the salary hit. You’ll probably end up with a nicer home, more disposable income and a better way of life. Cost of living is just ridiculous in London, esp housing.

But you can have more. You just can't have everything all at once! You want a bigger house in London you earn more. You want a bigger house anywhere else then you compromise on travel time and living in your specific part of London.

Life is one big compromise.

@MrsMikeDrop I’m not expecting any benefits from the government. Im
fine paying my taxes. I’m a net contributor to our tax system. I don’t want a huge house in london. I’m weighing up whether the stresses I endure are worth the money.

@Simonjt I only ask because I know few people who buy in shoreditch without some help. Congratulations

It's probably not, life is short, enjoy it if you can! 🙂

That's madness. 1.5k for that!

You could get that for 350k where I live but jobs with a 150k salary are very very few.

I get you OP. We were earning about 200k when we left london. Working round the clock (literally, sometimes), commuting in from the zone 4 Victorian terrace we had proudly bought, but walking past broken tvs in the front gardens and overflowing bins in the park and just thought - why? Why am I doing this?

i got the first class graduate program, the big salary, the prestigious role….like you I thought that would buy me a lifestyle that made it all worthwhile - lovely house in nice area, retire early all that but even on 200k in London that’s not happening.

for us we had to leave London. I just don’t think it’s the place to be unless you are very very very high earners that can afford the family home in Wimbledon/Islington/Clapham etc. what’s the point of it all if you can only afford a semi in Highams Park?

Well thank you all for your comments, both critical and positive. I shall take it all onboard and reevaluate my expectations.
I feel a bit sad that a predominantly female community has in the main told me to lower my expectations and “check myself”

I totally get what you mean and it can be very frustrating. Is it a matter of time for things to get better- eg kids to go to public school versus nursery (or are you set on private and ongoing education costs?), build more equity in current home, etc? Do you have more room career wise to progress or pretty much at the top?

OP, I think a big reason you feel resentment because what it comes down to is “is the stress of this job worth it”.

Any job with a £150k salary must be unbelievably stressful and if your going home to a (not a very nice house or atleast not the house you want) then you don’t have anything to show for it.

If you can only earn this salary in the London area but you can’t afford to live the life you want then the stress is most certainly not worth it.

I changed careers a few months back, I too was on a rather high salary but the stress was crippling me. I never knew if I was going or coming, I couldn’t sleep at night with anxiety, my phone wouldn’t stop. I took a big pay cut but actually when I look at my earnings after the cut in tax and some expenses that were associated with the job I wasn’t that far off but yet the positive impact on my life was incredible.

Christ.

Leave London then. I'm sure you have some transferable skills from your amazing high skill niche role. Heaven forbid you might end up in Stockport.

@Goingtogetslated I might need to change username after this, but I do understand what you mean.

Surely earning £300k a year would mean you could live in an amazing house, very central and have a good lifestyle?? But actually, it's not the case for you so why are you slogging your guys out?

We're looking to buy now and our budget is (to me

Is good) but we can only afford very basic looking houses. We're not even trying to live central 🤯

In your shoes, I'd definitely sack off trying to live the lifestyle you can't and move somewhere cheaper, within commuting distance.

I understand what you are trying to say @Goingtogetslated

Judging by the comments everyone thinks you are living like kings on that salary and you'd expect to be but the reality is different.

Yes you do need to buy in other services like cleaning if you work really long hours.

You are knackered and feel the slog isn't giving you the pay back you expected in terms of lifestyle.

I think you need to decide whether you are in your careers for the long game? What your post shows is that the early years for childcare have a massive impact even when it seems it shouldn't with a very high monthly income.

It's a bit crap now but what you are buying is future choices. You can decide to lower your stress and move pretty much anywhere you like.

For comparison I took the opposite path. I now live 600 miles north of you where my house is worth pretty much the same as it was 10 years ago as we have has no boom and it is worth about the same as you earn in a year (terrace, big garden, garage). I work part time with a reasonable salary but not management level and haven't pursued progression as what it demands would have too much impact on the rest of my life.

But to live here is very different to London. I like sea, beaches and a lack of people and don't mind the cold. I wouldn't benefit from the city lifestyle for it to be worth it but you might?

I also could only move within the north (and I'm talking a north much higher up than Manchester!) So if in the future the kids decide on London, Leeds, Edinburgh wherever, I won't be moving with them. I will not be downsizing and freeing up capital or moving anywhere cheaper because it doesn't exist.

I think perhaps you are seeing all the short term negatives (which are sizable and I can see worth weighing up hence your post) but not necessarily what it gets you longer term.

"3bed terrace in the East End of London" - my dream (which will never be realised despite working hard most of my life) and I'm sure many other people's too.

I'm struggling to feel any sympathy for you @Goingtogetslated

I'm not earning as much as you (£57.5K and pay Scottish tax which is high).

I get it though. People on mumsnet moan about high earners but don't realise a lot of higher paying jobs involve very long hours (I often work 7 days a week) and a lot of stress.

Sometimes I feel like I'll die young from stress and I've just paid into a system that mostly benefits people who work fewer hours.

Life sounds like rat-race. I would cash in on your property value and move out of London. Bigger property, garden, better schools (both depending on where you go of course). Exchange some of the stresses for better quality of life.

Mumsnet can be pretty sexist.

At least it definitely skews towards women who need some sort of state assistance, so the bitterness comes out if you don't.

Yes but if the District Line is not working she could get a bus or an Uber or an overground train.

If trains to Birmingham are cancelled, you're stuck!

So income of £120K plus means you are paying 60% tax because you lose the allowances.

According to salary calculator, an income of £150,000 works out 40% tax overall.

Per my comment.

Isn't this why most people move out of London? I stayed ten years, but got out when I had a kid and realised the only houses we could afford were tiny and/or in a bad area. We left our one-bedroomed garden flat in Zone 4 and bought a large four-bedroomed house in Ireland instead. I took a 40% pay cut to move, but soon caught up again. In my opinion, London is fabulous but best enjoyed when young, or very rich.

It’s all due to the ridiculous inflated housing market in London. People in London under 39 are at a huge disadvantage.

When threads get this long, I do tend to just “read all” on the OP posts to make sure I haven’t missed updates. So I will have missed some of the “flavour” of responses. In the first instance, I don’t think you should automatically expect a female-friendly response, this is MN after all !

I am kind of struggling to pick apart your posts and what you actually want, so apologies if I go off at a tangent that doesn’t fit in with what you’re asking.

As a quick overview, I’d say that your current set-up is not working. A £300k combined income is great, but if it’s not bringing you happiness then it is definitely not worth it.

You need to figure out what would make you happy. As in have a really serious discussion between you. Otherwise it’s possible that one, or both, of you are going to burn out pretty soon.

With regards to kerb appeal of your imagined home - why does this matter so much? If it’s going to be your family home for years, focus on what’s inside the home.

Imagine, for one moment, that one of you gave up work voluntarily. Or, hopefully not, that one of you became ill and needed to give up work. You’d still have £150k pa which is way more than many households earn.

You could easily move out of London and find a lovely home on one salary. Find somewhere with train link into London for one person - and the other finds more local work at a lower salary, but upside is more time to focus on your children.

As an example, Manningtree (in deepest, darkest Essex) has trains direct to Liverpool Street in around 50 minutes for the person working in London.

The main thing you need to do is agree between you what is REALLY important to build your best life. Personally, I would rather one high earner at £150k and a more chilled home life as a result of that. I do realise that this creates an issue with regards to ambition for both parties. But I’m of the view that life is very short and that optimising your home/personal space is more important than flogging yourself to death for sub-optimal home life.

If you plan your search well, and don’t over leverage, you could find the perfect solution even on just one wage. £150k on its own is something that plenty on here could only dream of. You are in a great position to create the best life for your family, but you both need to seriously think about what is most important.