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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

100k+ salary, is it worth it?

1000 replies

Goingtogetslated · 22/04/2023 23:51

For the record…Not trying to be insensitive…

partner and I both earn approx 150k each. Working long and unpredictable hours with high levels of stress and responsibility.

Yet here we are living in a 3 bed terrace in the east end of london, a basic car, neither of us into high end expenses/dining out/clothes. We used to holiday a lot pre children, I guess would classify as our major expenditure in the past.

But is it actually worth it? A decent 4/5 bed house (with kerb appeal I admit) in the commuter belt seems to be coming in at 1.5 million minimum. Add the commuting costs/ extended nursery hours, paid help required theres barely anything left - relatively speaking.

Would we not be better off sacking it all in, moving to the countryside and earning enough to pay the bills?

We appear to be stuck in this middle ground where we earn too much to have any allowances from the state, contribute a lot to the government yet not enough for any real benefits in lifestyle

OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
SouthernEuropeCityBoy · 23/04/2023 11:25

No she didn’t - she said that she would expect that earning 300k, which is well into the top 1% in this country, would get you a slightly more luxurious lifestyle. Something I agree with when considering what your alternatives are as a globally mobile high earner.

ejbaxa · 23/04/2023 11:26

There's a middle ground between london and the countryside.

You could like on the outskirts/just outside a city (not london) and you would be able to get a lovely house for way less than a million and perhaps transfer jobs to lower stress roles. If you make sure you live near a great primary school (which financially you have the power to do), you will have a nicer life IMO.

Barney60 · 23/04/2023 11:27

If your not happy move to a cheaper area you should easily be able to manage on one of your incomes, still have holidays afford a decent home and save!

Supersimkin2 · 23/04/2023 11:27

East London’s your problem. a bit shit.

Tealsofa · 23/04/2023 11:28

Alsogoingtogetslated · 23/04/2023 09:53

I’ve name changed for this as it appears anyone who is a high earner attracts a lot of negative comments.
I hear you OP. I earn £130k. My friend earns £35k. After tax and after I have paid mortgage, childcare, commuting costs, professional loans and fees my friend actually has MORE disposable income than me at the end of the month. We live on the same road, similar lives but she pays far less tax, gets childcare support and child benefit etc.
I do often think why am I working 60+ hours a week and barely seeing my kids, would it be better to drop to a lower paid role.

So you're on 130k and your take home without deductions is 7.5k

She is on 35k, with a take home of £ 2,318.54

So you have 5000 more a month than she does, how on earth can she be better off than you?

I would love to see a breakdown

XelaM · 23/04/2023 11:29

FishFingerWrap · 23/04/2023 11:16

I can't believe those arguing that those working in the NHS don't understand what hard work and stress is. That they don't know what taking your work home feels like. That you get paid for the hours you do?

I know a paediatric nurse who specialises in ITU and ecmo. There are hardly any people with her skillset in the UK - we only have a few ecmo centres in the whole country. In Covid, ecmo was something everyone suddenly learned about and valued...she worked at GOSH but had to live in the Midlands to be able to afford to live. She paid for her own commute, did 13 hour night shifts and looked after the sickest and most vulnerable children and their families. Tell her she doesn't know stress or pressure, that she doesn't put the hours in...

I worked in the NHS for 25 years. It would be impossible to calculate the percentage of my labour that was unpaid. All my cpd, all my additional training and qualifications, my registration, my debriefs, my support of junior colleagues - nothing was paid and all in my own time. All while working permanent nights in my 20s. Overtime is paid at normal (low) hourly rate. No bonuses, no perks, you can't even have hot drinks as part of the workplace.

To hear people who are paid massive wages with all the bells and whistles justifying it by trying to explain how skilled healthcare workers who look after people at their sickest or most vulnerable JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND STRESS OR HARD WORK is offensive in the extreme.

I've got family members in London law firms. They hate it, cry a lot, have awful work/life balances and it all seems ridiculous to me. But they don't complain about their wages and they certainly don't try to tell me it's because I didnt work in a high pressure, high responsibility role that I didn't get paid like them.

City workers get paid high salaries to make other people money. We understand that. They work hard for their wages. Bit it does not follow that other people don't also work hard in stressful roles and don't get paid high wages.

Just goes to show that working in these jobs doesn't necessarily mean you're well educated or have good critical thinking skills.

👏🏼 Excellent post.

I feel extremely privileged to earn what I do doing quite often (to me) very easy tasks either from home or in a nice City office building. I certainly don't feel I work harder or deserve it above nurses/carers (and many other similar impossibly hard jobs).

When I started out in law I worked in a Legal Aid firm for a pittance. I regularly spent nights attending police stations and had to be in court by 8-9am the next morning to spend all day there. I was earning peanuts but actually worked much longer hours than I did when I moved into commercial work.

Merangutan · 23/04/2023 11:30

‘It's the London market that skews the discussion. Here in Manchester two 'median' earners on 30K, achievable for bog standard public service roles can afford a 3 bed semi. That wouldn't even buy you a flat in London's Zone 3...’

@ReplGirl exactly this. The London housing market is just bonkers.

Teateaandmoretea · 23/04/2023 11:30

Even on a house costing £600/700k?! I don't think the extra costs will be add up to the equivalent of a house costing £800/900k more!!

But it would be better to put the money into a mortgage than donate it to southern rail. That said people say nursery fees in central london are more expensive so it may not even be correct it’s cheaper at their point of life.

Mirabai · 23/04/2023 11:32

Sunshineandshowers39 · 23/04/2023 11:07

Even on a house costing £600/700k?! I don't think the extra costs will be add up to the equivalent of a house costing £800/900k more!!

No not on a house costing a lot less, but that wasn’t the premise in the OP I was responding to.

She could equally buy a cheaper house in London.

tubing · 23/04/2023 11:32

The real point people are missing is why are PAYE earners on not massive amounts being taxed so heavily when loopholes exist to allow people earning massively more to avoid paying tax?

I think because a lot of lower earners stand to inherit? I don't understand why it's accepted so much tbh.

Alyosha · 23/04/2023 11:34

Of course you can afford a £1.5m home on your income with the deposit you'd get from selling your current house. Our housing market is overpriced because we don't build enough, but on a joint gross salary of 300k you should be OK. Unless you want to live in Chelsea/Mayfair!

ReplGirl · 23/04/2023 11:35

SouthernEuropeCityBoy · 23/04/2023 11:25

No she didn’t - she said that she would expect that earning 300k, which is well into the top 1% in this country, would get you a slightly more luxurious lifestyle. Something I agree with when considering what your alternatives are as a globally mobile high earner.

Well you don't need to go all the way to 'globally mobile'. Just move to another city.
Grouping London in with the rest of the country is useless because of how distorted income, wealth and the property market is.
A lot of homes are bought up by investment companies. Equally there's a disproportionate (compared to the rest of the country) number of buyers with wealthy parents. When I went to university I had mates whose parents bought them flats. And when I went to work a fair number of colleagues had bought with hefty parental deposits, to the tune of several 100K. These were not the children of professionals but old money, or wealthy businesspeople from abroad.
It's just a numbers game.
I'm also foreign, but the most my parents can must is a few grand. Not much use is it.
It's starting to happen in other places, for example the grammar school area of Trafford (Cheshire/Manchester) has seen prices shoot up because of the influx of buyers from Hong Kong- although it's always been an affluent area. There's still plenty of other places though.

Florenz · 23/04/2023 11:36

London is basically dying as a functional city.

MegaManic · 23/04/2023 11:38

Hey op, I get exactly what you mean - for the work, stress and at the level of money you both earn you would expect to be comfortable, in a nice 5 bed house with money for extras. I don't think you are being unreasonable.
Have you considered moving out a bit further out and getting jobs more locally that might still be well paid (maybe only one of you doing this but give you more free time overall). Somewhere like Guildford, Horsham, Godalming, Woking, lots of nice places in kent, surrey, sussex still commutable to London.
I know the houses can still be expensive but you could get a nice 5 bed for £1m in some of the areas. Do either if you work from home at all?

Sleepytimebear · 23/04/2023 11:39

When I divorced I really didn't know what I wanted from my life. I had just been on a bit of a treadmill doing all the things you're meant to do and suddenly didn't know what to do with myself. It took months for me to actually figure out what I wanted and it did mean changing my path. I think if you're not happy you need to take some time to work out what you want out of life. You might find that the only reason you want a mansion in the commuter belt is because that's what your friends and peers have and you think you should have it too. I have friends with the same job as me who have mansions but they are from wealthy families and had huge opportunities I didn't. But when I look at their lives, I don't want it. Just a thought.

ilikepinknblue · 23/04/2023 11:39

Posters who think OP has no right to air her stresses as there are others who are much worse off should not open threads with title saying 100k + income.

Let those who won't be triggered by high salary respond, obviously you have no experience of paying high tax, living that life style. Living standards can be relative, OP is entitled to share her stress without having to worry about offending more hard done by.

Zone2NorthLondon · 23/04/2023 11:40

Florenz · 23/04/2023 11:36

London is basically dying as a functional city.

Utter nonsense. Really that’s hyperbole worthy of Daily Mail.

SouthernEuropeCityBoy · 23/04/2023 11:41

ReplGirl · 23/04/2023 11:35

Well you don't need to go all the way to 'globally mobile'. Just move to another city.
Grouping London in with the rest of the country is useless because of how distorted income, wealth and the property market is.
A lot of homes are bought up by investment companies. Equally there's a disproportionate (compared to the rest of the country) number of buyers with wealthy parents. When I went to university I had mates whose parents bought them flats. And when I went to work a fair number of colleagues had bought with hefty parental deposits, to the tune of several 100K. These were not the children of professionals but old money, or wealthy businesspeople from abroad.
It's just a numbers game.
I'm also foreign, but the most my parents can must is a few grand. Not much use is it.
It's starting to happen in other places, for example the grammar school area of Trafford (Cheshire/Manchester) has seen prices shoot up because of the influx of buyers from Hong Kong- although it's always been an affluent area. There's still plenty of other places though.

Sorry my post was meant to be a reply to Straightsidedcircle, but didn’t quote properly.

Climbles · 23/04/2023 11:41

You need to have family money to get a good 4 bed home in london really. It feels unfair that even if you work very hard, make sacrifices and earn such a high wage you can’t easily afford a lovely family home .

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 23/04/2023 11:43

ReplGirl · 23/04/2023 11:35

Well you don't need to go all the way to 'globally mobile'. Just move to another city.
Grouping London in with the rest of the country is useless because of how distorted income, wealth and the property market is.
A lot of homes are bought up by investment companies. Equally there's a disproportionate (compared to the rest of the country) number of buyers with wealthy parents. When I went to university I had mates whose parents bought them flats. And when I went to work a fair number of colleagues had bought with hefty parental deposits, to the tune of several 100K. These were not the children of professionals but old money, or wealthy businesspeople from abroad.
It's just a numbers game.
I'm also foreign, but the most my parents can must is a few grand. Not much use is it.
It's starting to happen in other places, for example the grammar school area of Trafford (Cheshire/Manchester) has seen prices shoot up because of the influx of buyers from Hong Kong- although it's always been an affluent area. There's still plenty of other places though.

We live in a ‘naice’ area which is easily commutable to Birmingham and there has been a noticeable impact on the higher bracket of the housing market as HSBC and more recently Goldman Sachs have opened or expanded their Birmingham offices.

DoAWheelie · 23/04/2023 11:43

£300k is more than I've lived on for my entire adult lifetime. I moved out at 17 and I'm now 33.

People need to learn to make a fucking budget and learn the difference between want and need.

Tealsofa · 23/04/2023 11:45

MissHavershamReturns · 23/04/2023 09:49

@Tealsofa they will both be paying high % to pension too probably.

Not op but I know people who have a very high salary monthly but then after pension, energy, other bills, council tax, finance arrangements for 2 cars, nursery and private school fees and food it’s almost gone.

All of those things are optional though, the extras. I mean clearly not energy and bills etc

Pension, car finance, private school, all optional and beyond the reach of many people, so no sympathy here

Wafflesandcrepes · 23/04/2023 11:46

The London housing market is driven by what people can afford. Prices are being pushed up by high earners like …OP.

HydrangeaFairy · 23/04/2023 11:46

Would we not be better off sacking it all in, moving to the coun
tryside and earning enough to pay the bills?

Probably. It depends how you view your job. Is the prestige important to you? Would you be bored / unfulfilled in any other role?

To me you are not getting any benefit from all that money (and you are not in any middle ground, you are at the top of earnings).

What do you go to work for? To me it's a means to an end. I want to earn enough so I can have a very big house and garden, holidays and never worry about money. You don't need £300K for that if you live in many, many parts of the UK apart from London.

FWIW subsidied childcare is a recent thing. I never got any. My earnings were completely wiped out by nursery fees for 5 years. It was a price I paid to stay in the job. (In hidsight I would have stayed at home).

JoanThursday1972 · 23/04/2023 11:47

EnidSpyton · 23/04/2023 09:46

Exactly.

Growing up, my dad had a job like this. We never saw him. In the evenings, on weekends, on holidays, he was constantly on the phone (pre laptops and smart phones!) taking calls. He was under so much stress all the time, and as my mum was a SAHM at his insistence, it was all on him to pay the mortgage, the school fees, etc. We had a nice house and everything we wanted, but we had a dad who was MIA and always distracted when he was around. It's no life.

People who say that poor people work long hours too are missing the point. Yes, of course they do, but not in jobs that carry any huge responsibility or that take over their lives beyond their contracted hours. They're not 'owned' by their employers. Once they've finished their day, they are free to go home and not think about work again until the next day. The levels of stress involved in needing to be always available, always 'on', are a completely different ballgame, and that's why the salaries are so high.

Nobody is forced to be in high level tech jobs or whatever pays these OTT salaries, or forced to live in London and be stressed like this and still moan about it - change jobs, move. Simples.

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