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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help with best friend's surprise party?

57 replies

showslope · 22/04/2023 19:10

My best friend (24F) lives in Australia, and is shortly coming to visit for two months. Her cousin (28M) is arranging a surprise party for her next week, and has messaged me to ask if I can take charge of messaging people to invite them, and help him plan the party.

This is awful timing, as I have just had a knee surgery and will need to be at home for 2 weeks at least. I have responded to the cousin's message expressing my apologies, and explaining that I won't be able to help due to my operation (bar giving a few invite suggestions).

I ended up on the topic with a friend (more of an acquaintance), who thought I should put more effort in given that I haven't seen my friend for 2 years.

I do feel guilty that I can't help much, but AIBU to feel as though this is justifiable given that my friend knew about my surgery before booking flights? I can't wait to see her later down the line, but I do not see how I can plan a party (in a different town) while being in bed.

OP posts:
Lougle · 23/04/2023 08:48

That aside, if you don't want to help, don't.

burnoutbabe · 23/04/2023 09:06

I'd not want to invite people to a event I am not attending - pass on their details, sure but not send out invites so people then ask me questions they could ask the organiser.

Maybe add everyone to a big WhatsApp group with the organiser? Ask them to add others. But then it could be a massive party!

KrisAkabusi · 23/04/2023 09:56

mainsfed · 22/04/2023 21:12

From the NHS on knee surgery:

For weeks 1 to 2 weeks, your knee is likely to be swollen and stiff, and you may need to take painkillers.

Your surgeon or GP will advise about the type of pain relief that's best for you. You'll be advised to raise your leg as much as possible – for example, by putting pillows under your heel when you're lying in bed.

Show quote history

That does NOT say that you must stay in bed. It says when you're in bed that you should raise your leg. Not the same thing at all.

bluegreygreen · 23/04/2023 10:02

Agree - outcomes tend to be better when the person mobilises early, hence OP wouldn't be allowed home without physios being happy with her

WhatTheHeckyPeck · 23/04/2023 10:05

Two things that spring to mind.

1)If the cousin wants to have a surprise party then why is he not dealing with it all?
2) Is your friend the sort of person who would be happy to attend an event for her that she had absolutely no say in?

FWIW I find "surprise parties" naff and because DP let me know one was being organised for my 40th (he knows I hate being the centre of attention and would have spent the entire time feeling awkward and uncomfortable), we booked to go away that weekend and didn't tell anyone until the day before.

mum2jakie · 23/04/2023 10:11

Absolutely not unreasonable to respond as you have. Basically, this bloke wants to 'throw' a surprise party for his country but is trying to offload the ball ache of sorting invitations, party planning on to you! Injuries or not, I think it's perfectly fine to say you're not able to help.

readbooksdrinktea · 23/04/2023 10:18

If he wants to throw a party, he can do the work. It does sound like he wants to offload it on you.

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