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Original poster

To feel guilty about my cat?

58 replies

lepricon · 22/04/2023 18:14

I have had my two cats for 3 years and I love them both very much. Around 1 year ago, I got two chihuahua pups. My cats didn't go near them for a while but they did get used to one. One of the cats play with them and the other, although used to them, always kept his distance. They're both outdoor cats and so like to wander but they always came back.

2 months ago I got a call from my vet to say a lady had brought one of my cats in and said my cat had been going to her house daily for the past 10 months and she was giving him a little food and had set up a bed for him. She brought him to my vet to see if he was a stray. My vet knew him and he is microchipped so confirmed that he was from a loving home. My vet gave me the women's number.

I contacted the woman who lives in the same estate from me, she was very nice and said that she would stop feeding him, however stated that she and her granddaughter had grown very attached to him.

I had no idea he was going elsewhere and getting fed as he would still come home and eat and lie on the sofa etc.

However, I now haven't seen him in a month. I texted the woman who says he still goes to her house daily morning and evening but she assumed he was going home the rest of the time. I struggle to believe she isn't feeding him but what can you do, I'm glad she's being kind to him.

So I know he is alive but I miss him, my daughter misses him and I feel so guilty and believe that getting the dogs has triggered him to leave. I worry that he'll think we've just forgotten about him. I could go and bring him back but he's an outdoor cat so he could just leave again.

What should I do in this situation? Should I go looking for him and bring him back? Or should I just be thankful that he is being cared for elsewhere?

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 23/04/2023 19:55

I wish people wouldn't just start feeding cats that aren't theirs. I see posts all the time saying that people have been feeding a starving cat. My cat acts like he's never been fed every time I feed him. I'm lucky because he's fussy and won't eat most things otherwise I imagine someone would have stolen him already.

IrregularChoiceFan · 23/04/2023 19:58

WonderingWanda · 23/04/2023 19:55

I wish people wouldn't just start feeding cats that aren't theirs. I see posts all the time saying that people have been feeding a starving cat. My cat acts like he's never been fed every time I feed him. I'm lucky because he's fussy and won't eat most things otherwise I imagine someone would have stolen him already.

I had to buy a different brand of cat food this week as our usual was out of stock. My two are on hunger strike, had to send dp out for some dry food to tide us over 🤣

But yes, if someone put out ham or milk or something, both of mine would feast like they never get fed. It really annoys me hearing about people feeding 'strays cats as you know they most likely aren't.

FurAndFeathers · 23/04/2023 19:59

He clearly isn’t comfortable at your house. If you force him to stay then he’ll be stressed.

I think you need to speak to the other lady about formally rehoming him.

what if he gets hit by a car in a years time when he’s been living with her but you’re expected to pay bills etc..

better all round if you accept he’s found a loving home and rehome him

Serena73 · 23/04/2023 20:05

Some cats don't like change. One of my cats started coming home less and less often and then would just saunter in looking fine. I eventually discovered that he had been living with a lady only a few houses down. He had always been quite a nervous cat but the change had come when my baby became a toddler and walking about and the cat couldn't handle the noise and clumsiness. The new lady's house was very quiet and peaceful. We tried to bring him home and he said she wouldn't feed him but he just kept going back there. He wasn't happy with us anymore and eventually we moved house and he stayed with his new owner. He lived until 19 with her and the main thing is that he was happy.

CybermanAshad · 23/04/2023 20:28

BlueKaftan · 23/04/2023 19:01

I quite agree! The established cats were fine and didn’t want or need dogs. Why did you even take the chance? Any did you want four pets?

Show quote history

Sorry, OP. Another one who agrees with this.

I do feel for you though, you obviously love him. But you need to just let him go. Sounds like he's found somewhere he's happy.

StopBeingSoFakeYouDozyCow · 23/04/2023 20:35

Your cat has chosen where he wants to live. He obviously didn't like the situation when you got the dogs. Let the woman keep him.

caringcarer · 23/04/2023 20:50

I understand you must be upset but you got the puppies. If you want a cat and a dog it's best to get them at the same time so neither has established territory. Your cat is now unhappy living in your home with 2 puppies. Each time you get it will just go back. It probably likes being an only pet and gets a lot of fuss and attention. I'd ask the lady if she wanted to adopt your cat and if she agrees get microchip changed to her name and take your cats bed and toys over to her home. Give your cat a big cuddle and let it go where it will be more peaceful for it. You are lucky your other cat has not left too. Most established cats would not like 1 dog introduced let alone 2.

CrystalCoco · 23/04/2023 21:06

Cats are free-spirits and will do as they please.

As hard as it will be for you and your DD, you need to respect your cat's decision - he has voted with his paws.

Try to find it in your heart to be happy for him and trust he knows what is best for his own well being 🐾

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/04/2023 21:12

Same happened to a girl I trained with, she got a puppy and the youngest cat moved out.

Ultimately it’s your fault though. You made him unhappy and he looked for a different owner.

Original poster
lepricon · 23/04/2023 21:17

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/04/2023 21:12

Same happened to a girl I trained with, she got a puppy and the youngest cat moved out.

Ultimately it’s your fault though. You made him unhappy and he looked for a different owner.

Helpful...thanks.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 23/04/2023 21:23

Can't imagine why anyone wants those horrible rats on stilts. (Chihuahua's) cars are far better!

Original poster
lepricon · 23/04/2023 21:26

Toddlerteaplease · 23/04/2023 21:23

Can't imagine why anyone wants those horrible rats on stilts. (Chihuahua's) cars are far better!

You sound lovely.

OP posts:
Notamum12345577 · 23/04/2023 21:29

I would go and get it again, and then do what you have to do when you first get a cat or move house (keep it in for 2 weeks so it learns where it’s house is).
Also maybe firmly but politely tell the lady to stop feeding someone else’s pet.

TwoMonthsOff · 23/04/2023 21:30

lepricon · 23/04/2023 21:17

Helpful...thanks.

Show quote history

It’s true though, you need to accept it

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 23/04/2023 21:36

You should feel guilty for getting two puppies and driving your cat out, yep. Thank goodness there are kind and responsible people like your neighbour.

WarningToTheCurious · 23/04/2023 21:40

Notamum12345577 · 23/04/2023 21:29

I would go and get it again, and then do what you have to do when you first get a cat or move house (keep it in for 2 weeks so it learns where it’s house is).
Also maybe firmly but politely tell the lady to stop feeding someone else’s pet.

And subject the cat to dogs that he obviously wants to avoid?

Absolutely this is on OP for bringing dogs into this cat’s home.

And I agree with @Toddlerteaplease

Original poster
lepricon · 23/04/2023 21:40

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 23/04/2023 21:36

You should feel guilty for getting two puppies and driving your cat out, yep. Thank goodness there are kind and responsible people like your neighbour.

I tried my best. What's done is done. I followed the advice online and from my vet.

OP posts:
Original poster
lepricon · 23/04/2023 21:41

I'm coming off this thread as comments are just getting nasty now. Thanks to posters with actual advice and helpful replies.

OP posts:
OhComeOn123 · 23/04/2023 21:46

Poor cat

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/04/2023 21:47

You didn’t try your best. You wanted a dog, you got a dog. Then you felt sad because you got dumped.

Not once have you thought how the cat felt.

sarahh96 · 23/04/2023 21:48

Can't believe how nasty and vicious some of you are on here. Have a heart!!!!

AlrightJulia · 23/04/2023 21:48

I had a similar situation a few years ago. Moved house and my cat kept returning to my old house. It was about a mile or so away, across a few busy roads. I picked him up a few times but he kept going back there. The new owners were retired so gave him attention and lovely treats, which I guess he liked, while I was working full time. In the end I decided to sign him over to him. A hard decision but I wanted him to be safe and stop crossing the busy roads. Cats are fickle and unfortunately do sometimes decide where they would prefer to live.

MangoPi · 23/04/2023 21:56

All four of my cats left when we took on a dog. Had no real choice in the matter as it was my stepdads mothers dog and she (his mother) was very ill and could no longer cope, would of broken her heart to give her to a dogs home (very low chance of rehoming, she was already 13) but our cats took one look at her and within a month had all moved on.

I don't think cats actually give a shit tbh. There are studies that claim they love 'us' but I think us is any human that will give them food and attention if they want it. Also, there are contradicting studies (and one was actually done by a scientist who is a massive cat lover) that cats are not affectionate towards us at all - not in the way we imagine anyway and do not actually 'love' us whatsoever.

I think you will feel better if you stop trying to give a cat human emotions. It's okay to feel upset and guilty but your cat (sorry to be blunt) likely does not feel remotely traumatized or bothered by this.

mainsfed · 23/04/2023 22:16

You should be thankful this lady fed him and let him stay, the alternative could have been much worse. You say she ‘slipped up’ but it’s due to her going to the vet that you even knew where he was.

You changed the goalposts I’m afraid.

mainsfed · 23/04/2023 22:18

MangoPi · 23/04/2023 21:56

All four of my cats left when we took on a dog. Had no real choice in the matter as it was my stepdads mothers dog and she (his mother) was very ill and could no longer cope, would of broken her heart to give her to a dogs home (very low chance of rehoming, she was already 13) but our cats took one look at her and within a month had all moved on.

I don't think cats actually give a shit tbh. There are studies that claim they love 'us' but I think us is any human that will give them food and attention if they want it. Also, there are contradicting studies (and one was actually done by a scientist who is a massive cat lover) that cats are not affectionate towards us at all - not in the way we imagine anyway and do not actually 'love' us whatsoever.

I think you will feel better if you stop trying to give a cat human emotions. It's okay to feel upset and guilty but your cat (sorry to be blunt) likely does not feel remotely traumatized or bothered by this.

I don’t know about love but cats can be extremely affectionate with their humans. You only have to go on YT to see that it’s much more than just being fed.