Ok, so a ‘friend’ who I ghosted 15 years ago, after years of problematic behaviour on her part, has contacted me again. I have no interest in rekindling the relationship but my dh thinks I’m heing a bit unreasonable as the problematic instances happened years ago and she ‘could have changed’. The things she did are (warning: essay!)
- We met via a workplace where I was being badly bullied due to my sexuality (I’m bi) to the point where managers got caught and sacked trying to frame me for things I never did (I’m Indian, we had lots of lgbt staff, but I was the only Indian one and to the Indian management that was one too many. I was literally hounded to the point where when I finally got out the company paid me £££££ to sign an nda. At the workplace I caught her badmouthing me to others several times but she explained it as ‘trying to survive’ in the environment & that lots of people ‘bonded’ over badmouthing me. I stupidly accepted it.
- Several times she backed out of plans at the very last second if someone from that workplace joined in. Eg we were meant to go to New Years Eve in London, had tickets, and she never showed up. She was my ride (but I had the tickets). She judst blanked me. Eventually I took my sister on the train. My ex-friend told me her mum was unwell but it was a lie as her boyfriend had posted lots of group photos on fb of them and several work colleges in Central London. I never called it out but it really disappointed me.
- Several times she told another mutual friend that she wished she never ‘fed me’ (it’s a saying from out culture about feeding pigeons and them turning into rats). That mutual friend told me every time and warned me she wasn’t a friend but I was in such a bad mental place I just accepted the behaviour as my due.
- She was one of the bridesmaids at my wedding and I was one at her wedding. At my wedding she was treated like any of the other bridesmaids and was totally spoiled as you’d expect at a big fat Indian wedding. She insisted I was bridesmaid at her wedding, asked me to meet the bridal party at mum’s, and I spent nearly the whole wedding taking care of her family (serving and making food, taking the elderly grannies to the toilet, making sure her parents took their meds) while the ‘real’ bridal party got photos. I wasn’t even allowed to walk her down the asile - watched it from the back. I didn’t call any of this out on the day because I didn’t want to spoil her day and then afterwards mum convinced me there was no point. After she returned from her honeymoon 2 weeks later she sent me a horrible message clearly not meant for me but defending why I wasn’t bridesmaid about how she wanted only her ‘closest’ friends with her and ‘wenfy’ would have spoiled the photos.
- I was so hurt. She messaged me a little while into this saying she was pregnant and that she wanted me to organise her babyshower and so I planned it, organised it, it ran smoothly, and then I ghosted her after the baby was born.
- Now I’m in a totally different place. Married, kid, we’re really well off (and I’m doing quite well I guess). She saw me on LinkedIn and tried to add me so I ignored her. Then she contacted me on fb before messaging me - I never blocked her number so was able to see it. Apparently she’s been reviewing her behaviour and wants to make amends - says she had MH issues too which I guess is fair. But just because she wants to make amends doesn’t mean I have to go along with it. DH thinks I should because it will make me happier to close off this chapter.
I just want to rip into her, tell her how much she hurt me, how much she hurt my mh, and just block her.