To say i’m not topping up my teens school account anymore

[Gmee]

I have a teenager who does not eat breakfast in the morning despite having plenty of time she’s usually scrolling or faffing about with her hair.
She’s gone back to school this week and spent £20 on school lunches by thursday and text me on Thursday morning break to top up her account.
I can see the history online where i pay and she’s buying double quantities of things morning break then lunch! I’ve had this conversation with her because she will eat junk like 2 pizzas a cake slice for morning break, then a sausage roll x2, chips and cake x2z

Full meals are actually cheaper than the little bits she buys, I’ve tried to tell her eating junk food isn’t the way to go and she will feel worse and hungrier but I obviously know nothing. I actually refused on thursday to top up her account, she had enough to buy a full meal and water but i’ve told her a million times stop buying 2x the amount of food or going back twice

I top up the same amount each month and tell her when it's gone it's gone. She can bring food from home and lunches etc. She has a wee to go and 3 quid overdrawn so I've told her next week she's not to buy anything

I make Dd take in water from home because she was spending £1.60 a day on a bottle 😳

Ds gets £17.50 a week and probably spends about £12ish most weeks.

Dd probably spends about £15 a week.

Neither eat in school though they go to local bakers for filled rolls. (Different bakers because they can't possibly be seen together)

Oh and she has breakfast at home pretty much everyday. Spending on breakfast as a regular thing would annoy me.

When she was staying at her dad’s half the time (doesn’t any more, another story) she did end up buying breakfast some days with the card I pay for because he never had anything in. That was very annoying but I couldn’t really tell her not to as it wasn’t her fault!

Life’s too short to be poring over what my DC bought for lunch. I put in £50 whenever I get a ParentPay email saying any one of their accounts is low. I cannot be bothered to actually look at what they have bought and when. If they’re hungry, they’re going to buy food. I’m not going to give them a complex over eating at school by having limits or rules.

It's school. It's not like they get a choice but to be there. I let mine get whatever they want - if I can't afford it I don't top up, and explain there's no money and they will need to take stuff in. I'd rather they have access to food if they want it, and couldn't be dealing with a load of rules about food

The ONLY thing I’d say in her defense is to ask whether she’s actually really hungry? I was very sporty at school (3+ hour water polo practices every day) and I ate SO MUCH FOOD. I was 8.5 stone/5’4” but I had to add it all up once for health class and it was over 4000 calories. I ate breakfast then I’d eat the entire lunch my dad packed by 10, then I’d buy a pizza and donut at lunch, in addition to a huge amount of snacks I had in my locker (like I’d go through a family size box of frosted mini wheats and 8 packs of cream crackers in a week). I am still and have always been 8.5 stone, I was just really hungry and got away with a crap diet because I was so active.

I should say the lunch food I bought was self funded, plenty of options at home, my dad still packed a lunch for me, so if I wanted treats at school I paid for from pocket money.

This is totally sensible. It always amazes me how many parents just seem to give their kids money and say thing like "He can't take a sandwich from home because that's not cool". Teach your kids to budget for goodness sake! And teach them that they don't have to do what everyone else does!

I do some work at a local uni, and the number of students who have no idea about budgeting is scary.

The 11-16 year olds get £15pm. Sounds low but it ticks along ok. I still do all clothes, school trips etc, as they’re not interested and would never manage to organise or prioritise them (in fact DS2 would walk around in rags without even noticing!). The £15 is purely for any treats (mostly used for sweets and ordering bits they want off eBay).

Thanks, @Lemons1571

My 13 yo daughter is clothes obsessed and spends all of her allowance/extra money I give her for jobs etc on clothes and make up! She also gets £15.

Give her a fixed amount for school each week and let her work out what to buy - she will soon learn

When my DS was at school the snack queue was quicker so he rarely bought a proper meal there.

But having funds on account is a good tool for budgeting. I used to top up his account weekly with sufficient for the week. Once it was gone it was gone and he would have to take food from home in. It's boring for them but everyone has to understand that money is limited.

If she is buying stuff for her friends this will knock this on the head as well.

My ds was like this and we stopped putting money in his account and sent in packed lunch instead - he had several warnings about how much he was spending first and carried on regardless. His account would let him go over though - so I'd get an email saying his account was in debt.

We give ours triple their year in school weekly so they’d have enough money to actually learn to save and budget. So in Year 1 they got £3 a week, Year 2 they got £6 a week. Their annual pay rise comes on 1 August as they go up a year in school.

They’ve all been very good at budgeting their pocket money and saving. Our eldest saved for ten months straight to buy a Nintendo switch when they were 8yrs old.

Money for school lunch is separate we don’t expect them to budget it. We have always said active minds need energy and focussed mostly on making healthy eating choices when you can.

I'm amazed at how many parents are able to say 'here's £20, for the week, if you spend it all you will have to take in stuff from home' when mine were young it would have been one or the other..there wouldn't have been stuff at home as well as an account budget. It would have been once it's gone, go hungry. I guess we were on a much tighter budget.

Lots of great comments on here. DD is off to secondary school next year and now I have ideas on managing school dinners.

YANBU to think that she is spending a lot. Buying two of things - is she eating them or is she buying for someone else? I work in secondary and we would want to know so we could look in to it. Not because either child is doing something wrong but because if a child cannot afford food at school, we need to know!

The school I work at limits them to £5 which I still think is a lot! that's potentially £25 a week! I don't spend anything like that on my lunch for the week (but I am a teacher so take 'uncool' packed lunches 😂).

I would have a calm, mature conversation with her and explain that this amount of money on one member of the households lunches is not sustainable. Maybe explain a bit about what you buy in the supermarket, how you budget for it and what £25 a week could buy. Discuss and agree a set amount with her - once she spends that, there is no more.

To be fair to her, I never at breakfast as a teen because I didn't like milk (so cereal was a no go). I also struggled to eat so early in the day.

My youngest (still at secondary school) doesn't eat breakfast either, instead wants to buy something at break - I give him £10 a week on his account. He also makes himself a sandwich and crisps for his lunch