Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do you worry about your mortgage/finances if you know you'll inherit?

133 replies

malkeot · 21/04/2023 17:18

Of course anything could happen etc etc but if you’re largely sure you’ll have enough to pay off your mortgage and then some, are you more relaxed about finances? Would you be bothered about overpaying mortgage or just enjoy life, in the knowledge it will be paid eventually?

OP posts:
hairdresserbreakup · 21/04/2023 19:10

Fairislefandango · 21/04/2023 19:01

I think it's fairly gross to sit there waiting for other people to die and counting their money as your own.

I always find this kind of comment weird tbh. Everyone dies. My parents have always been quite open about their wills and do not regard it as remotely taboo to talk about what will happen when they die. I'm close to my family and am not 'waiting for them to die'. But I actually don't think it's very healthy to avoid thinking about practical issues and arrangements because you are in denial about mortality.

Completely agree! All these types of "it's disgusting to think of people dying, I hope they live forever" comments seem detached from reality.

We joke all the time in our family about my parent's spending 'our' inheritance and what mad shit they'll leave my and my DB and the grandkids. Of course I hope my parents live for many years to come, and enjoy the fruits of their labour in a long and healthy retirement, but the reality is they will die eventually and they absolutely do want me and my DB to inherit from them.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 21/04/2023 19:13

I do think there is a class element to this tho... My grandmother left school at 14 and was immensely proud that she managed to end up owning her own house and was really invested in passing on an inheritance to her daughters, to the extent that she would not spend money on herself in later years.

DanceMonster · 21/04/2023 19:13

hairdresserbreakup · 21/04/2023 19:10

Completely agree! All these types of "it's disgusting to think of people dying, I hope they live forever" comments seem detached from reality.

We joke all the time in our family about my parent's spending 'our' inheritance and what mad shit they'll leave my and my DB and the grandkids. Of course I hope my parents live for many years to come, and enjoy the fruits of their labour in a long and healthy retirement, but the reality is they will die eventually and they absolutely do want me and my DB to inherit from them.

Show quote history

I told my grandmother a couple of days ago that I was looking to get a cordless hoover like hers and she said ‘I’ll put a post it note on this one for you for when I pop my clogs’. Doesn’t mean anyone is waiting for her to die, it’s a fairly normal thing for families to chat about!
I think it’s dangerous to rely on inheritance as no one knows what will happen, but I think it’s normal and healthy to discuss financial planning with your close family.

Hugasauras · 21/04/2023 19:14

Fairislefandango · 21/04/2023 19:01

I think it's fairly gross to sit there waiting for other people to die and counting their money as your own.

I always find this kind of comment weird tbh. Everyone dies. My parents have always been quite open about their wills and do not regard it as remotely taboo to talk about what will happen when they die. I'm close to my family and am not 'waiting for them to die'. But I actually don't think it's very healthy to avoid thinking about practical issues and arrangements because you are in denial about mortality.

I agree. In fact my mum likes to remind me that we will get a substantial amount when she dies, and has sat and gone through it all with me, shown me all the figures, etc. Sadly that is likely to be sooner rather than later. Despite being a family that generally lives into their 90s, my mum has developed stage 4 cancer, so these discussions are not just hypothetical but more advance planning.

I don't live my life in expectation of it, we still pay the mortgage, work, etc. But there is slightly less pressure knowing I will inherit enough for us to clear the mortgage and have a large sum leftover. It doesn't change my decision-making but it does make me worry less about the future in a financial sense.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 21/04/2023 19:14

My Mum and Uncle were counting on my Nan dying ASAP and often talked about what inheritance they would get.

Frustratingly for them my Nan lived into her 90s. 🤣 But they plugged on caring for her, when dementia was horrific to avoid spending the money on care fees.

DH could inherit a large sum, as his parents are millionaires but we aren't banking on it, I suspect his sister is though. She has already admitted they won't have paid their house off by retirement age and it'll still have a signicant amount left on it.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 21/04/2023 19:17

No. We have 9 years on our mortgage meaning we will be 47 when it ends. Parents are in their 60s. I'd rather not have a mortgage from 2032 until such time as they die than deliberately not overpay.

HarleyLane · 21/04/2023 19:18

No, the £5,250 per month care home fees that Dmil is paying will leave very little.

shivawn · 21/04/2023 19:19

No. My parents are only 20 years older than me, I hope they'll be around until I'm in my 70's.

mrsharrisgoestoparis · 21/04/2023 19:21

Can I ask a question ref equity been eaten up by care home fees is there a way to avoid this my boss he now has his parents house in his name but there is 7 in the family. I didn't want to ask the particulars

choirmumoftwo · 21/04/2023 19:21

We'll inherit nothing as our parents have nothing to leave. Our own DC will share half the value of our home as a minimum thanks to a property trust in our will, and could potentially inherit a lot in cash dependant on care needs etc. They'd far rather we enjoyed our money ourselves though. We'll give them both a sum towards a house deposit in due course, have paid their rent through the university years and paid a substantial amount in school fees so they haven't gone without!

HarleyLane · 21/04/2023 19:26

mrsharrisgoestoparis · 21/04/2023 19:21

Can I ask a question ref equity been eaten up by care home fees is there a way to avoid this my boss he now has his parents house in his name but there is 7 in the family. I didn't want to ask the particulars

Search ‘deprivation of assets’ for guidance.

LeFeu · 21/04/2023 19:27

I stand to inherit from several different people so I’d being lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it a little bit. However, it’s very much not in my plans for financial security in retirement and we have plans to pay the mortgage off in our 50s and both have decent pensions without inheriting a penny. It’s more of a “it would be nice to…” rather than a need.

NerrSnerr · 21/04/2023 19:32

My mum is 69 and already needs home carers so I suspect within the next 5 years or so she'll be in a care home if she hadn't already passed away. I don't think I'm going to inherit from my dad- I think my mum got all of the house when they divorced (it was very messy). My kids may get a little bit I presume.

We may inherit from my in-laws, they're in their late 70s and currently very healthy. I reckon they've got another 20 years in them if the big C doesn't catch up with them. They stress about money and already worry about care home fees so we do our best to reassure them that we're fine and are not counting on it (which we're not!)

hairdresserbreakup · 21/04/2023 19:32

DanceMonster · 21/04/2023 19:13

I told my grandmother a couple of days ago that I was looking to get a cordless hoover like hers and she said ‘I’ll put a post it note on this one for you for when I pop my clogs’. Doesn’t mean anyone is waiting for her to die, it’s a fairly normal thing for families to chat about!
I think it’s dangerous to rely on inheritance as no one knows what will happen, but I think it’s normal and healthy to discuss financial planning with your close family.

Show quote history

Exactly. One of my nieces has taken a particular shine to my mum's hairdryer. We often joke that she'll be leaving it to DN in her will. My mum is not worried DN wishes she was dead!

perenniallymessy · 21/04/2023 19:35

@RhinestoneCowgirl my grandparents were like that, totally obsessed with my DM getting an inheritance and they didn't want to spend anything. My poor grandpa ran himself into the ground caring for my grandma because he didn't want to spend on care home fees. Luckily in the end DM talked them into going into a nice home rather than the cheapest.

My DParents didn't really 'need' the inheritance either as they had already paid off the mortgage and DDad had a very generous final salary pension. So my DParents split it between them, me and my DSis which really helped us move up the housing ladder.

Given all of my grandparents reached 90, I'm not expecting to inherit until my late 60s and my DC will be late thirties then so any inheritance I get will probably go to helping DC out with housing costs.

RaraRachael · 21/04/2023 19:36

Don't assume you will inherit. That is all.

AgeofCreation528 · 21/04/2023 19:37

Inheritance is never guaranteed !

I worked & over paid my mortgage

tubing · 21/04/2023 19:38

It depends, I mean if your parents have a 2m house & you are sibling free you don't have to worry as even after taxes & care costs you will get a wedge but i'm not sure that's the situation for many?

tubing · 21/04/2023 19:40

Also you have to rely on the gov not coming after wealth in the future.

HappiestSleeping · 21/04/2023 19:42

Cocobeachy · 21/04/2023 17:21

Very silly to put someone elses money into your plans.
I've seen many people either removed from the will, scammed by siblings or the money ends up going into care home fees.
It's not yours anyway until after the person has died.

This 👆

tubing · 21/04/2023 19:42

Some relatives of mine have so far spent about 120k on care.

tubing · 21/04/2023 19:44

We did have a gift to help us on the property ladder that came from inheritance, tbh everyone I know who's bought had help.

Nosleepforthismum · 21/04/2023 19:47

No. My DSIS is already trying to disuade my my DF from fulfilling his lifelong dream in his retirement as she considers him wasting her inheritance. It’s completely changed how I look at her and anyone else that takes a similar view to their parents finances.

tubing · 21/04/2023 19:48

This is one of many studies which suggests stays are generally short. Googling suggests anywhere between 1 and 3 years as average

I think it will go up tbh, lots of older people I know didn't go into care homes until it was unavoidable. Many women were doing the work of caring for them at home. With higher pension ages & higher COL I suspect there will be less women to pick up the slack.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/04/2023 19:48

My dad talks to me about my inheritance and the inheritance he is getting from his mother. I think families just don't talk about inheritance but they really should. Just lay it out straight either way.

I think I will be fortunate to get a good inheritance but I'm not factoring it in to anything because I think it would be silly just in case something happens. I work, my husband works, we are paying off our mortgage at a good rate so by the that's paid off we will still have a fair amount of years to work and build up savings and hopefully retire early-ish. If we get an inheritance then it's a bonus but I'm not relying on it.