To think sleeping in separate rooms will finish the relationship

[onarollercoaster]

So a week or so ago, my partner and I had a fairly big argument and I went and slept in the spare room. (I have done this a handful of times in our three years together).

I had the best nights sleep ever and for the first time in a long time slept right through the night. It was lush.

I’ve slept in their ever since and had slept through the night EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. It’s been amazing.

We had a night together a day or so together and I barely slept a wink and was up and down to the bathroom, (you know the drill, once your awake you think you need a wee).

I’ve realised that he is waking me up all through the night. He snores really loudly, moves around, wakes up with cramp and it’s unbearable.

I don’t really know what to do about this, I love him, but love being able to sleep through the night. We already have a king size bed. I think his snoring has got so much worse and when I’m drifting off to sleep in the next room, I can hear him snoring through the walls. He categorically won’t see a doctor about it.

I think it will negatively affect our relationship if I stay in the spare room ongoing?

DIL does not sleep in the same room, not sure why, it’s a perfectly normal happy relationship. However, at school the class was discussing relationships, mummy and daddy stuff etc etc, most children had parents that slept together of course. Except her eldest son who made a big thing about his not sleeping together, the teacher was concerned and tried to question DIL about bedroom arrangements.

That teacher got the biggest bollocking in her life

If you intimacy during the day and evening, if you still have sex and both appreciate sleeping separately then it's fine.

We sleep separately most nights. We have young children so we take it in turns who has the speaker. I hasn't negatively impacted our sex life at all.

I've been married for seventeen years, and we have been sleeping in separate rooms for the last three years.

It started when we had DD because she would wake up in the night and the both of us were wrecked, so we decided to do one on, one off, where the other slept in the spare room. Then we realised it gave us our own space in an evening and first thing, we slept better, and it just worked, particularly since we both WFH.

I would struggle to go back now. I found there were just so many issues with DH reading when I wanted to sleep, or snoring, or whatever. It was just stressful.

Is he worried that refusing to look into his snoring will affect the intimacy of your relationship? That is far more likely to build resentment than you sleeping in the spare room. Go for the sleep i say.

We've sleep separately - it's much better for us. Have done so for years.

My dh often has insomnia so we started sleeping separately as he sleeps better alone and I don't get so anxious wondering ether he is asleep or not. We are happier and far more well rested and I don't think we could go back to sleeping in the same room again! We prioritise intimacy at other times and places though so definitely not like having a housemate

I think sleeping in separate bedrooms actually enhances the relationship and makes it a lot better. Ultimately, there's always one person that snores (usually the man to be honest with you,) and men snore really, really loudly. And most (including mine) will never get help with it.

I've been married over 30 years and had separate rooms for the last 15 years or so. And there's no way in hell I could ever go back to sharing a room with DH let alone a BED. We book separate rooms when we go on holiday too.

As previous posters have said, sleep deprivation is a form of torture and it's very bad for your physical and mental health. I never understand in this day and age in 2023, why people share a bedroom when they've got a spare bedroom.

I think it's absolutely unnatural for two grown ass adults to be sharing a 6 foot by 4 foot bed. There's just not enough room for two people. And there's the stretching and poking and grunting and snoring and farting. Why the fucking hell anybody wants to share a bed with anybody else (past the first flush of romance ... Maybe the first five years tops!) just eludes me.

If I ever got into another relationship with anybody else, no way in hell will I be sharing a bedroom with him.

When I first started to say to my husband I want separate rooms, he got quite arsey about and quite offended. He was really upset what other people might think if they found out. I said I really couldn't care less other people think - I need my sleep. After several years, he stopped caring, as he discovered some other couples who sleep separately. Like me, he absolutely loves having his own bedroom. And he couldn't go back either.

WTF have I just read? What the hell has anyone's sleeping arrangements got to do with their child's TEACHER?

OP welcome to the happiest club on earth! Me and DH sleep separately and always have and it's entirely amazing. It has had no negative effect on our love life and a really positive effect on our relationship in every way.

DIL was incandescent as you can imagine, it was a young teacher who “learned” that day

Just heading towards the 29 year mark here, so no, the relationship will not necessarily finish because of separate rooms.
There are plenty of other ways to maintain closeness - DH only goes off to "his" room when it's lights out time anyway and he comes back first thing for a cuddle/chat/breakfast in bed with the papers.
But had we been forced to share a bed for the last however many years?
We'd have been long since divorced.

Married 19 yrs, slept in separate rooms for 10. Best thing ever. Still married, still happy with 2 DC. He's a lark, I'm a night owl, we can go to bed when we like, read/watch TV/scroll through our phones without worrying about disturbing each other. We can sprawl across our own beds, snore, get up for a wee etc. I love our life together, but don't want to share a bed with him.

Separate rooms here too! We've been together 20 years. We tried separate duvets, then separate single mattresses side by side, but ultimately, separate rooms are the only guarantee that I will sleep through his snoring and fidgeting.

We're very much in love; we still have sex; we get on far better when I've slept well. It's wonderful.

Usually on here, people who are against this seem to only have sex in bed at the same time of night before bed so they think sleeping apart
means it’s the end of sex forever, which is ridiculous. Of course you can still have cuddles and sex and then go and get a great sleep! You’ll have more energy for it!

We went into different rooms about 2 years ago. Its wonderful as he's early to bed and early up, whilst I'm the opposite. He's also noisy.

We've had to share the last couple of nights as we have a guest staying. I'm knackered. He's asleep in seconds; I'm awake 3 hours later.

I think we have more chance of staying together in separate rooms.

Plenty of people use separate sleeping rooms. What's the big deal?

We're both snorers so separate rooms for us. We normally only share a room in hotels etc.

I quite often go into the spare room if I wake in the night. I can't then get back to sleep because of the horrific noise coming from my partners nose/mouth so off to the spare room I go.

I don't see the issue sleeping separately, we are still intimate and share cuddles and kisses etc but with a 3 year old who insists on sleeping in our bed and a second punching and kicking me internally, I gotta give myself the best chance of sleep 🤣🤣

We sleep in separate rooms for 6 years now. I snore so DH went in the middle of the night and then one day we decided it just makes more sense.

I found it bad in the beginning, I was sure our marriage would disintegrate but it didn't. He has a single bed, I kept the king size so he comes to me for cuddles and more.

We sleep together on holidays if we stay in a hotel, he has noise cancellation ear-thingies for this. But - since he had Covid and developed asthma, he now snores as well quite loudly, so we are even now :-)

Get rid of your partner. He sounds dreadful.

When we got together OH bought a nice super king bed 6x6 we can get together or separate in the same bed just lovely the best sleep I’ve ever had.

We have slept separately for a little while and yes we sleep better but I do really miss his company in the bed. It's not really about sex, I just miss the intimacy and closeness of sharing a bed.

Works for us. We have our own bedrooms and I love my fragrant haven 💖

DH and I (together 17 years) have slept separately for a couple of years now and, honestly, it's so much better.

We both get a better night's sleep - me because he doesn't keep me awake snoring, and I don't wake him up grinding my teeth!

We've kept the intimacy, still snuggle up on the sofa of an evening, sex life is actually improved as we've both got more energy.