To ask when you felt less overwhelmed with your newborn?

[ufcno]

It's day 17 and the initial adrenaline is worn off and I'm just feeling very overwhelmed at the small cry-y appendage that only likes to sleep on me.

I have a 5 year old who was a very high needs baby and I'm terrified this one will be the same, he already shows signs of hating any form of being put down and possibly reflux.

Also struggling to manage the newborn with the 5 year old...

Wondering if I've made a terrible mistake..

So... AIBU to ask when I can expect to feel a bit less terrified of it all?

It goes in increments - generally things are much more sane by 12 weeks, though. Honestly everything before then is usually topsy-turvy, even if you have quite an 'easy' baby. Wishing you all the best that things settle down quickly.

My first 14 weeks. My second 6 weeks. First had cmpa though. Second has been pretty easy so far but 6-7 weeks got easier with sleep. He's 12 weeks now and I'm just waiting for the middle of the night grunting to stop

3 weeks to get over the weepy completely overwhelmed phase, I'm now on week 9 and each week gets easier as she's more predictable. If you suspect reflux get it treated asap xx

I found the first couple of weeks okay because it was all that kind of hazy timeless newborn fug, then it got tough when DH went back to work for a while, and then we got into a routine. DD2 was a baby who didn't want to be put down, so she basically spent the first three months of her life in the sling all day so I could do stuff with DD1. That helped me feel less shackled to the sofa too! By 5mo she was able to move around under her own steam a bit and she stopped wanting to be held/picked up all the time.

Oh god I remember that with my second. Fake it til you make it. I had a four year age gap.

noticeably easier at about eight weeks, five months, when he started walking. By 18 months I felt bad I’d ever doubted having two and then got pregnant again.

but right now you’re in the trenches. The best thing of second time round is to realise that you know that this bit gets better.

congratulations!

Thanks everyone. You're kind to take the time to comment and reassure a struggling mum!
Am going to assess the possible reflux over the weekend and will see GP early next week if concerned.
I do know it gets better... I don't know how I managed to forget how hard it feels at first though! I had such rose coloured glasses on, convinced that I would get this 'unicorn baby' who would eat, sleep independently and never cry 😂
Feel sad that I don't have quality time with my big girl any more too.

Hi OP,

I've recently felt like this too. DS will be 3 in July and is very needy still, doesn't like to independent play and wants a lot of attention.
DD has just turned 8 weeks and although she's been much easier than him in terms of baby (less crying, less needy as such) it has been very overwhelming having to juggle both, especially when DP went back to work

But it is starting to get easier, I'm slowly finding our way and realising that I can't be in two places / doing something for each child at the same time and one of them has to wait
It can be stressful, but we're getting there! I assume the 5 year old is in school so at least that gives you a little bit of time

Sending hugs 💐

Thank you, several people have said 8 weeks so I will hold out for that!
Yes she is at school. So I shouldn't complain!

Honestly - i don't enjoy the first 3 months. (i've got 4DC)

After the 3 month point you stop feeling like it's sheer luck they're still alive and start realising they're strong feisty little things and you don't have to worry they'll randomly stop breathing ect.

Also by then your body is starting to settle properly back to normal and you feel as if you are you again. Sense of humour returns ...

Plus you can start to see their little signs of recognition and pleasure and get a bit of satisfaction that they know you're their mum and not just any old body working round the clock to care for them and that it's ALL WORTHWHILE AFTER ALL!

😊

My first at 16 weeks my second 12 weeks

For me it was when I managed to get a good nights sleep, can’t remember at what age that was with any of my kids! I tended to be very anxious when they were newborns, and the sleep deprivation made things awful. I do remember feeling like a new woman once I’d managed to get some sleep! it’s over in the blink of an eye really, just feels like a very long time when you are stuck in it.

First and third dc were at around 8/9 weeks. 2nd dc is late teens now and I still don't feel in my comfort zone (is v poss adhd) 😫

It's hard now but very worth it and it will get better. Try and eat good food that gives you energy, chicken, fish, eggs, vegs. It will get better hang in there x

When I went back to work at 12 weeks. It also helped when he started sleeping through at 8 weeks.

I could have written your post OP. I'm on day 12 with a newborn and 5 year old. We waited so long to have another because it was so overwhelming first time around. I find myself counting the days when it seems like other people want to freeze time with their newborns.

Like you I'm missing my little bestie 5 year old so much, not getting to be at my best for her has been the hardest thing so far.

My 1st had reflux too and it feels like it's happening again so I've booked in for an osteopath as that turned things around 1st time around. This 2nd baby hates the sling when my first lived in one so I'm finding it hard being so stationary.

Just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling this way, we've just got to take it one day at a time.

Thanks all
Think colic might have started tonight too which will just be the cherry on top 😂

Would you be up for peer support DMing?

Sounds like you are in the same boat!

You’re still in the really hard bit. You’re recovering from birth, hormones are raging and you’re trying to adapt to the new family dynamic of life! Be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. It will get easier with time. Good luck. And congrats!

Bad night last night, not sure if it's colic, reflux or just generic baby-ness but feeling so overwhelmed and mourning my old life. I'm a crap mum, it's not the poor little mites fault :(

Absolutely im up for that! Sorry to hear you also had a bad night yesterday, me too :(

Many congrats on your new baby OP. You aren’t a rubbish mum, you are an overwhelmed and tired mum, all perfectly normal. It will get easier, have you got some good support around you? My late MIL was awesome when DS2 arrived (and before) I had two under two, so she would take DS1 to the park, to give me a break etc. I know how tiring it is. Didn’t help either that DS2 was a very unsettled baby, DS1 was an absolute dream, so that came as a shock and the reason why a 3rd was totally off the cards! It will get easier, just do whatever you need to, to get through it.

About 12 weeks. For me, it was when I had that magic 4 consecutive hours of sleep! Felt like I could take on the world (for a while!).

If you were to highlight the big issues that are causing the overwhelmed feeling right now what would they be?

Broken sleep/exhaustion?

Clingy baby?

Feeling like you're letting the older one down?

Those are just some things I might have said in your position when my second DS was a 2 week old. 😅 But I'm just thinking if you can articulate your particular issues then maybe people can suggest practical solutions?

For example if your little one is clingy and needs to be held then you should invest in a carrier. I'd recommend a close caboo or an ergobaby embrace for a newborn. It'll free up your arms and enable you to (broadly speaking) get on with things whilst your new addition also gets the closeness they're demanding.

Broken sleep/exhaustion - what can your partner (assuming you have one) do to ease the pressure? I know lots of couples that split their nights. So mum goes to bed at around 7 and sleeps until 1-2am then does all wake ups from then onwards. Dad does all baby care 7pm-1/2am.

Feeling like you're letting the older one down... Plan 1:1 time with them one day a week when your partner is around?

Hi op I have an older child, a 16 month old and a 7 week old so I understand completely how your feeling.

I promise the guilt your feeling dose ease. Your other child will slowly adapt and you get into your own routine and things will fall into place. My newborn would feed every 2 hours for the first 4 weeks even during the night and I thought she had reflux also. However she settled after the 4 weeks and is now 3/4 hour feeds and is managing her wind and burping much better. My 16 month old is no longer crying for me when I hold her and is happy and plays away he seems to understand.

When the baby is sleeping I use that time to play with my 16 month old and shower him with cuddles and kisses. I am starting to venture out of the house a bit more now as I'm getting used to things and that the baby is more predictable.

I felt like you for the first month or so but things will get better and how your feeling is normal too I felt like a shit mum and what had I done having another. I don't feel like that anymore.

Hang in there. Had the same feeling twice but just think this time next year will all be a distant memory! X x