To ask when you felt less overwhelmed with your newborn?

[ufcno]

It's day 17 and the initial adrenaline is worn off and I'm just feeling very overwhelmed at the small cry-y appendage that only likes to sleep on me.

I have a 5 year old who was a very high needs baby and I'm terrified this one will be the same, he already shows signs of hating any form of being put down and possibly reflux.

Also struggling to manage the newborn with the 5 year old...

Wondering if I've made a terrible mistake..

So... AIBU to ask when I can expect to feel a bit less terrified of it all?

A couple of months.

A year feels unachievable 😂

I know I'm being silly as some people have several children and manage! I don't know how you did it

He won't sleep in next2me, not BFing so can't cosleep
Suddenly miserable last few days, wondering if colic, reflux, or normal baby (and whether to start medicalising it). Had this with my daughter and it was a bloody nightmare of trial and error
Miss my daughter

Have PM you

@ufcno you are not being silly at all we have all been there and it's tough. I have good days and bad days now and it will always be that way. I just try to take everything as it comes and not put pressure on myself.

I said to my health visitor that I felt so guilty that my 16 month old wasn't getting out much at the moment socialising because my 7 week old likes to randomly scream and spew which causes me anxiety but she reassured me he will be fine and we will adapt in our own time, which we have done. He's doing well.

If it’s any help, I felt like this just about 6 weeks ago when my baby was 6ish weeks old. I have an almost 3 year old too and the baby had just woken up from that newborn sleepiness and my husband had gone back to work and I just felt totally overwhelmed. Felt like I was letting my toddler down, felt so bad for her every time the baby cried, felt so bad for the baby that I couldn’t give my undivided attention to. Felt like it had been a massive mistake to have a second child.

At just over three months now it’s already so much better. The baby is in a much more predictable pattern, I’ve got much better at juggling the two, and the toddler is just so in love with the baby that even when things are hard it makes up for it all. It really does get better - now is not forever! Babies are constantly changing and no phase lasts for long. I absolutely love being a mum of two already (though I’m definitely done now! 😂)

This is really reassuring. Thank you for posting x

You are absolutely not a crap Mum! Look at your 5 year old - does she think you’re a crap Mum? If your newborn wants you to hold and reassure them constantly, it’s because you are already their whole world. I think it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed - when my 2nd was only a few weeks old I told my husband I thought it was best if I went back to work, because I was rubbish… and I meant it with all my heart. But we survived the wonderfully, awful newborn stage and you will too.

Hoping you have a partner that will maybe have the newborn for a few hours today so that you and your eldest could have some mummy-daughter time?

Here if you want to chat.

I'd say 12 weeks. My DD had colic and reflux and I'd say by 12 weeks we started to really get the hang of her routine and feeds. I'd really recommend aptamil reflux rather than thickening normal formula with carobel as suggested by the GP. Sending hugs that you feel better soon. Look after yourself and accept help of offered xx

I think first 6 weeks are hardest a d then it all starts getting easier day by day. I think fir the first 6 weeks just except that the baby will be stuck on you and just camp out on sofa and enjoy cuddles. Get lots of films on and don't feel guilty for letting 5 Yr old have too much screen time and don't panic if they are just eating sandwiches for lunch etc. Its all good!

Hey!
Ive currently got an 8 week old and a just turned 3 year old! I’m hoping it’s more ups and downs than anything as up until this point DD2 has happily slept and been put down in between feeds. Now cries if you leave the room to get a drink and for a few hours in the evening (like 5) screams when put down!
For me my mamaroo has been a game changer with both kids, chuck them in and have 5!
Also I’m a nasty cow if I haven’t had enough sleep so once a week ish DH sleeps on the sofa with DD2 in the Moses basket (actually chicco hug thing) and I get a nights undisturbed sleep. In fact for the first week after the c section I could barely move so they slept downstairs all week 🤣. I saw this as a plus of not breastfeeding as I don’t have to do everything. DH does work full time but he can manage one night of disturbed sleep a week 😊

It takes 6 weeks for their digestive system to mature and settle. They are generally happier after this as they have less tummy related problems/pain. Hang in there!

I have a newborn along with a 5 year old too!

DD1 had reflux (projectile kind!), colic and was lactose intolerant, that was tough! The first 2 weeks with DD2 were so different! She slept most of the day, fed well, was so easy! Now at almost 5 weeks it seems colic has started 😬she’s fairly fussy, does not like to be put down and I am starting to struggle! In the morning I will just wear her in a carrier so I can get my jobs done, washing on, dishes, hoovering, and she will sleep in the carrier. As soon as I put her down she will cry! So it’s a routine of carrying/holding her, put her down when she looks settled, pick her back up, over and over! DH will come home to work after picking DD1 from school, then I try to interact with DD1 while being back in forth with DD2 and getting dinner prepped. Then I’ll clean after dinner, then bath time and bed time for DD1, DD2 will have a bottle, sleep on me or I try to put her down and maybe DH and I will get to watch something on tv together, either with DD2 in the next2me (very rarely), or with her on me/DH or in moses basket downstairs. I just feel like it’s all overwhelming at the moment. I don’t get a minute to myself. DH and I aren’t spending a lot of time together. And I’m just so, so tired! So I feel you. DD1 started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old so I’m hoping DD2 will be similar! Although to be fair she’s only up once during the night (4am), although I don’t go to bed until she has had her midnight feed so the lack of sleep is no good really.

I hope it won’t be long until things get a little easier for us!

My wife cut out dairy and soya and he settled massively as a young baby after this. I'd definitely try and cut things out of your diet to see if it helps. If breastfeeding that is. Now ours is two he can consume both no problem.

Remember: everything is just a phase. This too shall pass. I can't tell you when, but it will.

I have a 6 month Dc and posted a very similar thing to you a few weeks in. I did receive a lot of comments saying around 3 months things improved. Anyway 3 months came and went and I still was feeling very out of my depth, plus panicking as this was the magic number I had in my head from mumsnet. However, I then suddenly found things for me and Dc dramatically improved at 4 months. Things became not easy, of course, but very managable, almost overnight.

What I am trying to say is things do improve, but at different times for everyone and don’t do what I did and fixate on the three month mark, as I found this extra hard when things were still tough.

Things did gradually improve of course every week, but it was the 4 month for me when I felt the big jump in ease.

I also don’t have a second child like you, but at three months I was “I’m definitely not having another baby ever” but at four months I was “I want another baby and can’t wait.”

Hope this helps. You’re doing great. xx

PS. My dc is high needs too. Couldn’t put down or she’d scream immediately. My biggest regret was not just accepting this at the time and enjoying the cuddles and being nap trapped.

I’m actually wondering if this is partially why things have improved for me - I am now happy in accepting that my baby is high needs, doesn’t like being put down (she’s much better now but still has her moments) and likes to feed a lot at night.

Instead of spending my energy thinking I wish my baby slept, or I need to sort her sleeping, I now just accept this is how she is and we get in with it :) I think that acceptance has helped to make things easier.

I think the 12 week mark tends to be when things get ‘easier’ with most babies but obviously they’re all so different.
The 12 weeks makes sense biologically as well because it’s when their digestive system and nervous system settle down so things like tummy aches and wind seem less frequent and the nervous system is more adjusted to what is a very overstimulating world to a newborn.

I’d say it’s very normal (although often very hard) to feel in a bit of an anxious, disorganised, chaotic, emotional stage at the moment…and that’s without factoring in other child/ren.
Keep doing what you’re doing as you’re doing great and it will all fall in to place in time I’m sure.

Looking back (my baby is 9 months) I wish I’d just been more accepting of a messier house, being generally less organised rather than trying too hard to ‘get everything done’.
Not saying that you’re the same with the house etc but if it is a factor I’d think about what actually needs to be done and what can wait and keep my ‘to do’ list small rather than feel disappointed that I hadn’t managed it all.
When you’re recovering from birth and keeping a baby and another small person alive you’re already doing enough.
xxx

I literally could have written this.
My baby is the same and it is accepting that that’s made things feel ‘easier’.

Oh gosh, I have a 4 nearly 5 year old who was a high needs baby, and I'm days away from giving birth to my second so this makes me nervous! I think I started to feel less overwhelmed around 6 weeks last time but we still had challenges like reflux and dairy allergy for a while after that. She never liked being put down in the early weeks much like yours. But yes, definitely 6/7 weeks was a turning point I'm sure. It will settle soon xx

I have a 6wk old and a 5 yr old. Definitely the hardest bit for me has been not getting enough time with my eldest. I can see it in her eyes some days that it’s really hard for her and it’s a total killer. Sometimes my husband will take the baby and I will do bedtime with 5, that helps a lot. At the moment though husband is most popular parent with both of them - which doesn’t seem fair to me but I’m sure I’ll win one of them over at some point.

With my first about 3-4 she started sleeping longer stretches and by 5/6 wks she was sleeping a lot better. Started sleeping through shortly after.

My second is 3 and still doesn't sleep through! I started to feel able to start getting out and about (to baby groups etc) by about week 10/11. She did have an improvement though around week 4-6ish where she might only wake twice in the night for an hour or two (sometimes more) and not have me up practically all night.

4 months she had settled down a lot mostly only 1 night feed.

It was four months for me, I distinctly remember at that point thinking 'I'm actually starting to enjoy this and not just trying to survive'. Now 11 months in and I know I've made the right decision having a second child!

Hi OP here

Just a little update incase anyone is searching threads at some point in the future. I certainly read all the threads I could find about anyone feeling similar to me!

We're at 6 weeks now and I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's not suddenly easy, but I have finally adjusted to the fact that this little baby is mine.

He's not easy, he's a miserable little thing really, but we'll get there. The first 5 weeks I truly thought we had made a mistake, had lots of thoughts about wanting to give the baby away, and was in utter shock. This has now passed.

Things that have helped:

• Time. I really needed time.
• Antidepressants 😂
• Talking to other parents LOTS. But only ones who will be honest about how hard it is and not the 'keeping up with the Jones's type'.
• Being honest about how I felt when talking to other people and not pretending everything was ok.
• Reading up on the crying curve and purple crying- now we're at 6 weeks I can try and convince myself we're on the downward part...
• Getting out of the house everyday, even if that means he might cry while we're out. Other people aren't as worried about his crying as I am.
• being aware of helplines like Cry-sis and PANDAs. I never needed to call them (yet!) but felt some comfort knowing there was someone to listen if I needed them.
• accepting that sometimes it really will be a case of taking it hour by hour. But those hours DO add up to days and then weeks.

Thank you for the support on the thread x