Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My cousin's wife .. something sinister going on

90 replies

itsgottoberibena · 20/04/2023 10:52

Why do you think is going on here and how can I support him without becoming involved.
I'm very concerned for him and his two kids

They are together nearly thirty years.
He is my childhood friend / distant cousin.
They have two beautiful children 12/14.
They were happy until five years ago when his career rocketed to global CEO status of a an IT company.
She also worked in similar area,
Not at such a high level as they decided that she would work part time
Because of kids etc and it worked well.
They have the beautiful home and holidays and cars etc ... all the superficial stuff.

However in the last two years , she has started in the gym and making new male friends. Texting others beside him in bed .

Drinking hugely , blacking out, losing her belongings, not coming home, attending sex / swing parties and sexting other men.
Has lost interest in the kids.
All new friends , has fallen out with her family ,
She has also expressed feelings for an old boyfriend.
Mood swings off the charts.

She is 48 so I was thinking peri or meno .

My friend is gutted although he saw this go on , to a point , in his own parents marriage where they stayed together until the end

What is going on here ?
How can I support him. He is going to counselling .

OP posts:
MILLYmo0se · 20/04/2023 17:22

Sunnyjac · 20/04/2023 13:22

Why on earth would it be linked to her being peri- or menopausal?!

Because in rare cases the drop in hormones can cause psychosis or something akin to the crazy highs and awful lows of bipolar, similiar to how pregnant or postpartum woman in rare cases can
Also common for women to develop drinking problem in this stage too

LakieLady · 20/04/2023 17:25

AndTheSurveySays · 20/04/2023 13:22

Either a drug habit or a mental illness like bipolar.

I was thinking about bipolar. An old school friend of mine was behaving like this in the early days of her first manic episode.

IKnowItsNotMine · 20/04/2023 17:27

You’re too over invested in someone else’s marriage. Back off.

Lavenderflower · 20/04/2023 17:38

This could be potentially bipolar or substance issues.

Mirabai · 20/04/2023 17:40

I’d say she wasn’t happy with the decision “they” made to subjugate her career to his.

AbsoIutelyLovely · 20/04/2023 17:52

cocaine dear

Nocutenamesleft · 20/04/2023 17:55

I’m peri menopausal and wouldn’t do anything she’s doing

ShowUs · 20/04/2023 17:58

MandyMotherOfBrian · 20/04/2023 15:50

Blimey what a thread, so far she’s suffering one or all of the following; perimenopause, menopause, bipolar or dementia! Or maybe she’s just bored to fucking tears after thirty years of supporting him after they 🙄 decided she would look after the kids whilst he got to keep his stellar career as a CEO.

So it’s ok to have affairs if you’re bored with your partner?

If someone has a complete personality change really suddenly then it is usually linked to MH.

If she was bored with her life then she could separate.
Having affairs and drinking so much she blacks out is not ok regardless of how bored she is.

Most people would jump at the chance to work PT and still have a luxurious life.
If she didn’t like it then she could have left.

RoseThornside · 20/04/2023 17:59

You've only heard this from him, is that right? Not actually seen the reported behaviour(s)? Did the behaviour start before or after the exchange of solicitors' letters?

Is it possible your friend is just justifying his decision to dump his menopausal wife now that he has global CEO status?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/04/2023 18:05

Why blame the menopause for such appalling behaviour

This recent thread had lots of people doing just that.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4748704-the-outcome-of-my-affair?

Emigratingimmigrant · 20/04/2023 18:10

It's a reverse innit and ot will turn out the cheater is guy and answers will immediately change

ShowUs · 20/04/2023 18:22

Emigratingimmigrant · 20/04/2023 18:10

It's a reverse innit and ot will turn out the cheater is guy and answers will immediately change

I agree.
I wonder how posters are going to back track without making it blatantly obvious though.

purplefacemask · 20/04/2023 18:25

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/04/2023 17:15

OK, so he has a 'crazy', 'cheating' wife who gave up her career to facilitate his and has 'fallen out with' his family members, started going to the gym and communicating with others rather than staying at home to be the dutiful sahm.

That could very easily be scene setting for him suddenly finding 'friendship' with another woman. Like you describe yourself as in the OP.

This ☝️

Sammy900 · 20/04/2023 18:28

Wow mumsnetters can be harsh sometimes! The Op has come here asking for advice about a change in behaviour of a family member and she's concerned and wonders how best to help.....people are actually acusing her of starting an emotional affair with her cousin..wtf?

We can't tell you the reasons for her recent wild behaviour, it could be hormonal changes that absolutely make you go wacky and people respond in different ways - but it might be something else, mental health?

Are you close enough to pull her to one side and ask her if she's ok or needs any support?

Otherwise as some others have said - all you can do really is support your cousin who you sound close to and if he asks for your advice - give it.

You might take from this that her change in behaviour could be due to an onset of mental health or struggling with hormones or marriage breakdown or anything really but it's up to your cousin really to discuss this with her and take it further, G.P check up, marriage counselling, etc

I would also be weary of getting over involved in another perons marriage problems, so I would just be there to offer advice but step aside if it's getting too much

Hope that helps

Emigratingimmigrant · 20/04/2023 18:31

ShowUs · 20/04/2023 18:22

I agree.
I wonder how posters are going to back track without making it blatantly obvious though.

Because it's different, dontcha know

New posts on this thread. Refresh page