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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel terrible that my DS has to wear plus size school trousers?

44 replies

Mum3boyz · 19/04/2023 21:46

My DS is 14 and has been putting on weight for over a year now. Of course he needs to do this as he's growing up but he has definitely become overweight. I have been at a loss as to what to do and I have two other boys (17 and 12) who are very slim. I only cook healthy meals but he eats around this.
Today I had to buy the plus size school trousers from m&s as others don't fit him. I feel like a terrible parent. Am I?

OP posts:
electriclight · 19/04/2023 21:47

A terrible parent wouldn't care but it sounds like it's time to take some action.

Jenn3112 · 19/04/2023 21:50

I have an overweight son and we are similarly struggling to know what to do as he snacks loads when not with us. But just so you know, M&S 'plus size' is similar to supermarket standard size, so no I wouldn't focus on that particularly.

StonwEd · 19/04/2023 21:52

My lad was the same at that age. I bought the plus trousers from m&s and I felt awful too, skinny older soon as well!
all I can say is he’s just coming up to 18 and lost it all, I only ever focused on serving up healthy meals and not his weight. Encouraged exercise (he joined the gym off his own back once he started 6th form).
don’t feel bad, they’re all different. totally know how you feel though!

WheelsUp · 19/04/2023 21:53

This was a wake up call for me too. My ds was a similar age and gained over lockdown. He's slimmed down thanks to a combination of exercise and much better eating habits.

Dontbelieveaword · 19/04/2023 21:59

Don't beat yourself up if you haven't been feeding him junk food 3xa day. Continue with the healthy meals and encourage some more outdoor, active hobbies.
Does your 17yo or his dad keep himself fit, go the gym, play football or something? Could they encourage 14yo to join them? He might take it on board more coming from his DB or participating with a peer group

justasmalltownmum · 19/04/2023 22:04

Does he get lunch/ pocket money? My guess would be he his buying snacks on the way to/from school.

Original poster
Mum3boyz · 19/04/2023 22:25

@WheelsUp did you speak to your DS about his weight or did he just make the changes on his own?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum3boyz · 19/04/2023 22:27

@StonwEd thank you! Did you ever mention your son's weight or just keep giving healthy food and encouraging exercise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum3boyz · 19/04/2023 22:29

@justasmalltownmum yes he gets pocket money and money as gifts from family. I know he is buying junk food on the way home from school as I find all the wrappers in his bin. I have discussed this with him and talked about healthy eating. He knows it all of course!

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 19/04/2023 22:30

Our ds has Next plus size trousers but that’s because he’s got a very chunky (muscley) bottom and they’re the most comfortable. He is very fit and active.

kids come in different shapes and sizes, if he’s not overweight don’t worry. If he is gently tweak his diet and exercise levels and keep an eye.

Weallgottachangesometime · 19/04/2023 22:31

You’re not a terrible parent. However I think you do need to do what you can to help him develop as healthy a lifestyle as possible. Could he choose some healthier options to go on the shopping list, to replace whatever he is eating that is causing the weight gain (assuming like crisps and things)?
Obviously at his age your input is limited but just do what you can to help him. That all you can do.

NeatCompactSleeper · 19/04/2023 22:33

Muchtoomuchtodo · 19/04/2023 22:30

Our ds has Next plus size trousers but that’s because he’s got a very chunky (muscley) bottom and they’re the most comfortable. He is very fit and active.

kids come in different shapes and sizes, if he’s not overweight don’t worry. If he is gently tweak his diet and exercise levels and keep an eye.

It's right there in the OP

he has definitely become overweight

KittyAlfred · 19/04/2023 22:35

My DS is nearly 14 and has taken to buying crap on the way home from school or when out with mates. He gains weight very easily. He’s not overweight but he could easily become that way, and he’s definitely got a bit of chunkiness that he didn’t used to have. He’s mates tease him about being fat, but he laughs along. They all banter each other about something or other.

I’m honest with him, and I tell him off for buying crap in between meals. I warn him that it’s not healthy, it’s bad for his teeth, and it’ll make him gain weight. I was a chubby kid and it’s no fun trying to actually lose weight, much better not to get into that position in the first place.

Luckily DS is pretty sporty and keeps active, but I feel I do need to keep an eye on his weight. Others might say that’s the worst thing to do, but I disagree. My Mum let me stuff myself and it gave me a mountain to climb when I had to diet.

mauveiscurious · 19/04/2023 23:00

I think it's worth stressing "healthy choices"

Kanaloa · 19/04/2023 23:03

I wouldn’t say you’re an awful parent. It’s not ideal though. You’ve noticed, but I would say it’s time to make changes. Too often (I see this a lot with a friend of mine) people brush things off as ‘oh he’s chunky but it’s muscle/big boned/wide’ when in fact their child is too fat. It’s difficult because of the age of your child too because it’s hard to make changes for a child who is that age. Can you support him to be more active?

Triflenot · 19/04/2023 23:07

You are not a terrible parent.

What is different about your 17 yr old and your 14 yr old? Different hobbies/activities?

Hoppingmad231 · 19/04/2023 23:15

My ds15 wears plus fit, he does football 2 nights aweek and pe (2hours) 3 days aweek he eats healthy enough but does like to snack on crisps/choc I don't worry to much about his weight but do encourage him to not eat so much junk.

WheelsUp · 19/04/2023 23:27

Mum3boyz · 19/04/2023 22:25

@WheelsUp did you speak to your DS about his weight or did he just make the changes on his own?

He was embarrassed about school trousers not fitting for the first time.
His walk to school involves going past the supermarket which is obviously a source of cheap crap like big packets of biscuits. He made a conscious decision to avoid going in and come straight home.
At home he started eating better and being conscious of what he drank as the calories can add up quickly. He doesn't deprive himself but is enjoying the benefits of being healthier.

SparklyBlackKitten · 19/04/2023 23:32

As a parent you are supposed to look after and care for your kids.

Facilitating and/or enabling a lifestyle that leads to a kid being overweight ( and eventually obese) is neglect imo...

mysparkleismissing · 19/04/2023 23:32

I've has to buy my son plus sizes for ages. He's not massive but is tall for his age and is overweight
His dad and I don't live together haven't for many years
There's a massive difference between his food and activity levels here and at his dad's
I've tried to talk to his dad he just talks it down.
I've tried talking to my son but he gets upset. I want him to have healthy eating habits and make good choices and I very much police things things end but he's at an age where he's making his own choices
He's off to senior school in Sept which is a whole new level.of independence.
Sending kind thoughts OP. X

Merryoldgoat · 19/04/2023 23:34

14 was when I really started comfort eating. I wish I’d addressed it then.

Have you talked to him about it? Why he’s over eating?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 19/04/2023 23:44

SparklyBlackKitten · 19/04/2023 23:32

As a parent you are supposed to look after and care for your kids.

Facilitating and/or enabling a lifestyle that leads to a kid being overweight ( and eventually obese) is neglect imo...

WOW aren't you a nice person!!!!

Nat6999 · 19/04/2023 23:53

Sparklyblackkitten what exactly is she supposed to do? She can't supervise him 24/7 & can't exactly get him barred from every shop on his way to & from school. Most kids buy & eat junk, it's part of learning to make their own way while growing up. I used to go to the chippy like many of the kids from my school because it was cheaper than buying a school dinner & meant I had more pocket money.

luladebulachops · 20/04/2023 00:06

Is your boy about to have a growth spurt? My number 2 boy would look a little heavy - then shoot up. He's 14 too. Lives on carbs, active and is looking more slender than I anticipated. He was always on a higher weight percentile than his older brother and at age 10 months he was heavier than his 2y2m brother. This has changed in the last few months and big brother is finally heavier - but very slender still.

LadyJ2023 · 20/04/2023 00:49

You clearly care and need to take action. Our 13 had same problem. So we started taking a walk in the evening. Doing more active things when he's off and making absolutely sure he gets a decent breakfast,lunch and tea cause he eats same as an adult and cutting out the snacks in between crisps sweets etc. Now he's back to normal size and we carry on with the above