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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this my gut or nerves re new job

64 replies

Galaxyfaraway1 · 19/04/2023 17:59

I’m supposed to start a new job on Monday and I really don’t want to!

Ive worked at my company for a long time, we get good benefits, the salary is ok but I would most likely be on track for a promotion this year. It’s a big company so could move internally if not.

The new job has a bigger salary but a long commute which takes a lot of it. I would be about £200 per month better off. Im so worried about the work life balance. I currently wfh 3 or 4 days and I enjoy it, we live rurally and I have time to run etc.

Also at the new job there is a high turnover and I’ve been chatting to someone who used to do the role I’m going into and they spoke negatively of it. Currently I have a team beneath me who do a lot of the admin work and in the new role I would be doing this.

On top of that. I want to ttc and I would lose my maternity benefits in a new role. Currently I receive 8 months on full pay.

Is this just nerves? Am I crazy?

OP posts:

Coffeetree · 21/04/2023 10:32

According to your maths the commute would be £63 per day?

But if you're TTC and took a new job without finding out about mat leave, sounds like you were ambivalent from the beginning and maybe got hustled into things by the recruiter!

Best of luck in whatever you decide OP.

Mirabai · 21/04/2023 11:25

Coffeetree · 21/04/2023 09:57

She said it's mandated 2× week but she thinks it'll be more?

If the contract/offer specifies 2x week she could stick to that? Then if they genuinely hustle her for more, she'd have every right to say it wasn't what she signed up for.

I still think it's cold feet.

Show quote history

She’s the one who’s visited the company and spoken to staff. Companies have different cultures and what is mandated is the bare minimum in some companies and she may expected to do more. In addition as it’s a new job she needs to be around to show she’s working, get to know colleagues etc.

She has the right to state what was mandated but by then she’s in the new job and in dispute with management.

She’s definitely got cold feet and that’s fine, the grass isn’t always greener.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/04/2023 11:27

If you can stay, I would!

Original poster

Galaxyfaraway1 · 22/04/2023 11:13

Well I decided to stay, and immediately regret it!! I am an awful decision maker.

OP posts:

Casilero · 22/04/2023 11:28

Aww no! Why do you regret it? Maybe neither job is right for you and there's a 3rd option out there that would suit you better?

Coffeetree · 22/04/2023 11:30

Galaxyfaraway1 · 22/04/2023 11:13

Well I decided to stay, and immediately regret it!! I am an awful decision maker.

Aw bless you! Nothing but sympathy here.

Hey, you have a good job. Just put in the hours and enjoy your life.

Ormally · 22/04/2023 11:39

Sorry you feel disappointed.

One snapshot from someone else: I took on an extra position, with a really good title compared to what I was doing. A bit more money. Was so happy for that.

I have been ill ever since and it has been both hard and clear it was not a good choice, and the negative elements in the background were showing their traces. Extricating things at this point is a relief, but very difficult and has destroyed a great deal in the periphery, not just work. A bit like the unpalatable question of splitting several months after a wedding vs. not going through with it in the first place.

If you would like to ttc, then I think there will be a lot of things just in the 'non-work' box that come into greater focus soon for you, even if you are faking it, to an extent, in the job.

Mirabai · 22/04/2023 11:41

Galaxyfaraway1 · 22/04/2023 11:13

Well I decided to stay, and immediately regret it!! I am an awful decision maker.

I think you’ve made the right decision - certainly in terms of maternity pay and WFH this job is much better suited to someone TTC. The time to move on is after you’ve had your kid.

billy1966 · 22/04/2023 13:56

Galaxyfaraway1 · 22/04/2023 11:13

Well I decided to stay, and immediately regret it!! I am an awful decision maker.

I think you have made the right decision.

That was not a good move.

Continue to job hunt if that is what you want.

But drill into the detail.

Salary increase, commute, costs, time, all have a huge affect on the decision to be made.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 22/04/2023 15:36

Galaxyfaraway1 · 22/04/2023 11:13

Well I decided to stay, and immediately regret it!! I am an awful decision maker.

Read your opening post again.

Original poster

Galaxyfaraway1 · 23/04/2023 11:15

Thanks everyone. The things that ultimately decided it for me were the maternity benefits at my current job as I’m 35 now and really want to seriously ttc, I know that time isn’t really on my side to wait a long time. Also, in my current job, we get a £30k private healthcare allowance specifically covering fertility treatment. I was worried if I started again in a new role and didn’t like it even with enhanced maternity I would need to stick it out to be eligible for the pay.

OP posts:

Mirabai · 23/04/2023 11:42

That’s good dust OP! Let’s hope you don’t need fertility treatment.

Underlines you made the right decision.

Coffeetree · 23/04/2023 13:20

Sounds very sensible. And best wishes for TTC 👪

swanling · 23/04/2023 13:28

Feeling regret doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. It's a normal emotion that helps us process our experiences when something in our life changes - you would have experienced that emotion regardless of what you did.

If you left you would have felt regret about the loss of your old job (and all the rational reasons why it suits your circumstances), if you stay you feel regret about passing up another opportunity. It's just processing.

If you spend your life making decisions on the basis of trying to avoid experiencing regret, it is a recipe for rubbish decisions and flip-flopping.

Don't make any more rash decisions, just sit with your feelings.

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