AIBU that teacher asked my HF autistic son if he was planning a school shooting?

[dumdididum]

This happened last year and I only just found out. My son likes military strategy as well as history and current affairs. He and his friends often look at military stuff during break, and discuss current affairs in the evening when they play games together. he says that when he was alone she asked him to come to the wellbeing room where she asked if he was planning a shooting. I don't mind duty of care and all that, but think the way it was done is just very odd ie why wasn't I involved at all, and if they had a genuine concern why would anyone just come right out and say that to a child? My son was 15.

Can I make it clear that there is no "obsession" with weapons, and I did not mention that in my post. His "special interest" is current affairs, history and military strategy. This is my concern that assumptions are made about autistic kids without getting to know them. As far as I know the other boys were not spoken to.

There was also presumably very little chance of you getting your hands on a real gun to go with your snazzy cowboy costume, unlike today when a bright, fixated teen could do so really quite easily.

I would be much more concerned about a vulnerable child accessing images of ammunition on a school computer than the foolish throwaway remark from the adult. I hope she logged a Prevent concern in addition to her quip.

Given how fixated my autistic child can be about things, I can easily see how her obsessing over bullets and military paraphernalia could cause concern if someone was at all jittery about shootings.

Imagine the outrage if a teacher had had concerns about a potential shooting but didn’t speak to the pupil concerned for fear of upsetting their parents or being dismissed because of a naive belief that a child couldn’t possibly get hold of a gun.

What do you consider to be the difference between an obsession and a special interest?

But surely there's a protocol/procedure to be followed, especially if sen are suspected.

Yep
And school library needs to provide more suitable reading material

An obsession is a term a neurotypical person uses because they don't understand autism. It is a special interest. Autistic kids aren't all staring at their fingers and spinning objects. They aren't all obsessed with narrow interest like objects and violent stuff. Some have very broad interests. My point is I never said he was "obsessed" with weapons. Someone else said that. Hope that makes sense.

And maybe that protocol is to have a quiet chat with the child concerned. It sounds like that’s all that happened here and the teacher was reassured enough by the conversion that nothing further happened.

I am autistic and have an autistic child. We can both obsess.

I have an autistic child so I’m probably more aware than most. I was interested in your understanding of the difference.

I hope you don’t think autistic people aren’t capable of developing obsessions. There can be a hair’s breadth between a special interest tipping over into an obsession and the adults around vulnerable children need to be aware of this in order to protect them. I am amazed you don’t seem to have more of a problem with your child being able to view images of bullets on a school computer.

Sounds like someone raised a safeguarding concern and the school had to check it was nothing to worry about. Looking up bullets would trigger a safeguarding referral in my school. It sounds like she could have handled it better though!

I don't think some women understand the base level of interest in military stuff that men and boys have are a bit out out when they find out the extent of it.
I have tested a variety of men ( usually in the pub) including my softy husband who works in the creative industries and likes female singer songwriters and novels written by women, they can invariably identify a huge number of tanks and guns and if they liked Airfix, planes too.
It doesn't usually come up in general conversation but they just seem to absorb it from games and films and comic books. I like a good military history podcast myself!

thenljnks to stories about a teen jailed for -16 years for buying a gun on the dark web, which was sussed straight away by US cops, and landed him inside for 16 years before he even had the chance to do something with it lead me to believe our gun laws are working

I think it was also meant as a joke but the DS being autistic interpreted it literally and as a serious question. It’s a joke in poor taste but that’s not a crime.

Taking him into the welfare room and asking that seems really, really weird.
And what if this kid was in some way able to get his hands on a gun, is that an effective way to deal with it?
was he going to turn around and say ‘ yeah, deffo. Just using some crypto to buy a Glock off the dark web now in fact. Thanks for asking. ‘

I love a bit of history myself but I think there's a difference between being interested in tanks and guns, and then starting to look up ammunition to arm them. It does seem another level. It could be very innocent curiosity, of course, but if it was someone I was living or working with, I'd definitely be asking some questions.

If the teacher was following protocol then the conversation with your son will have been noted and you would be able to check on it now.

It’s okay for a teacher to be concerned, however I think this was either a misjudged throw away comment, or a clumsy attempt at voicing concern. I have a disabled daughter and work with young autistic adults and we have had a few young men that are vulnerable have to be referred for safeguarding under the prevent criteria.
schools have a duty of care to all pupils and if someone is looking at ammunition it could raise concerns, I believe Teachers are all trained in prevent safe guard training, as I am in my role with young adults.

Aha. I think you get what my point is! If it was a genuine concern why was she alone with him. Why wasn't another staff present, and why would they take his word for it? You would have assumed he'd been monitored beforehand, and if it had got to that stage, at some point I would have been involved. I monitor my kids computer. I will get a lot of stick for that I know, but at least I know what my kid is interested in! So, yes, I think it was a joke, and I perhaps it's as simple as I just don't find it funny.
@Wbeezer exactly!

Firstly coming from a very rural area I grew up with lots of kids whose dads were farmers or went shooting so there was lots of access to guns. We all knew in theory at least, how to use them. Most of us had done some target practice at tin cans in a field. Or clay pigeons, or real ones.
And when my son was very interested, or obsessed, whichever term you would like, he researched to the nth degree. So he would look at ammo etc. Now we are on Persian history so I know more about that than I ever thought I would. We've done a huge amount of subjects over the years, including some fairly niche ones. I understand that not all people with autism are the same, I can only say what he is like, and his dad and his grandad. And they are all like that.

Personally I’d rather children that expressed an interest in violence and guns were questioned like that. Might reduce the risk of school shootings overall.

It’s also not nearly as difficult as you think to get your hands on a gun or similar weapon that can be used in school. Have you never heard of the Dunblane school massacre in Scotland?

in the year up to March 2021 there were 35 homicides in England & Wales involving firearms, in a population of 60 MILLION people. So I don't think I'm being naive in saying that is very unlikely a 15 year old in this country is unlikely to be preparing to commit a mass murder with a gun.

Statistically, it IS very unlikely. Statistically it IS difficult to get hold of a handgun of any kind, and pretty much impossible to get automatic weapons. Statistically many criminals avoid using guns because of the extremely high penalties for owning an illegal weapon even if you don't use it in a crime.

@Dachshund40 absolutely - better safe than sorry. Do you mind me asking what the protocol is eg to purposely not involve a parent and to handle these things one-on-one? Just curious tbh as I would assume two adults would be present to monitor the conversation so parents don't get annoyed and go on Mumsnet. I think I should have known and it really annoys me that schools think it's ok to hide this stuff from parents.

'It’s also not nearly as difficult as you think to get your hands on a gun or similar weapon that can be used in school. Have you never heard of the Dunblane school massacre in Scotland?

Yes. 1996 - our 1st and last school shooting, and BEFORE our current gun laws. When 'enthusiasts' could still own handguns. The catalyst in fact for those very gun laws, some of the strictest in the world,and the banning of handguns and anything automatic.