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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that teacher asked my HF autistic son if he was planning a school shooting?

97 replies

dumdididum · 18/04/2023 15:11

This happened last year and I only just found out. My son likes military strategy as well as history and current affairs. He and his friends often look at military stuff during break, and discuss current affairs in the evening when they play games together. he says that when he was alone she asked him to come to the wellbeing room where she asked if he was planning a shooting. I don't mind duty of care and all that, but think the way it was done is just very odd ie why wasn't I involved at all, and if they had a genuine concern why would anyone just come right out and say that to a child? My son was 15.

OP posts:
Original poster
dumdididum · 18/04/2023 15:31

PollyPeptide · 18/04/2023 15:28

Why did he leave it a year to tell you? Was he bothered by the comment?

Probably because he knows I would have flipped, and she's left now. We were discussing my disappointment in the school for other reasons, and because the diagnosis is recent he's concerned about discrimination. If he had said she had been concerned about suicide then I would have understood. He has been discussing this recently because he feels the diagnosis is negative.

OP posts:
AnorLondo · 18/04/2023 15:32

fruitbrewhaha · 18/04/2023 15:30

It was a joke. If you were in the US maybe not but in the UK it’s highly likely she was just making a joke.

Yeah that's really fucking funny, taking an autistic child into a wellbeing room and asking them if they're planning on committing a mass murder.

limitedintel · 18/04/2023 15:33

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 18/04/2023 15:27

I'm not saying she should have made that kind of joke to an autistic student. I just think it's more likely to be an ill-judged joke than a serious enquiry as to his suspected homicidal intentions.

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Not having a go at you but teachers at my dc school say this all the time, "it was just a joke". How about reading the room and not joking with someone who does not understand the concept at all.

pontipinemum · 18/04/2023 15:36

I would think it was a joke, apart from she took him to the wellbeing room to talk to him about it. If it was a joke wouldn't she have just said it when she say what they were looking at?

I don't think teenagers looking up military stuff is alarming at all. I was in the cadets and T.A. and loved it all. I didn't look anything up but I know a lot of people who's main topic of conversation was military!

maddening · 18/04/2023 15:37

limitedintel · 18/04/2023 15:26

If she knew he had autism she would have known it was highly likely he had an area of special interest and it was highly likely that he would take any questioning extremely literal.

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Ah fair point.

Skybluepinky · 18/04/2023 15:42

Yr son would have been reported for his actions, it’s one of the things schools have to keep an eye on.
Strange thing for the teacher to say but yr son may have got the wording wrong.

Srin · 18/04/2023 15:44

It sounds like it was a joke. It was a bit of a clunky joke but I can imagine one of my colleagues at school saying it. He also has HF autism.

BCBird · 18/04/2023 15:45

I'm a teacher. I think this is totally unacceptable.

PollyPeptide · 18/04/2023 15:46

dumdididum · 18/04/2023 15:31

Probably because he knows I would have flipped, and she's left now. We were discussing my disappointment in the school for other reasons, and because the diagnosis is recent he's concerned about discrimination. If he had said she had been concerned about suicide then I would have understood. He has been discussing this recently because he feels the diagnosis is negative.

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So he thought at the time that she made that comment solely because he was autistic? (Maybe because she didn't speak to the other boys looking at ammo?) Is it possible that actually her concern was for his welfare but because of his negative mindset, he's concentrating more on one part of the conversation and taking it out of context? We all do that, especially after stewing on it for a year!

3dogsandarabbit · 18/04/2023 15:51

It's pointless being annoyed now if it happened last year and the teacher has already left the school.

loislovesstewie · 18/04/2023 15:54

A similar thing happened with my ASD son. He also had an interest in militaria when he was in year 7. A teacher told us in shocked tones that he was looking at pictures of guns. I told her that when I was a kid I had a cowboy outfit with guns, the type that had caps that fired, and that we would regularly capture one of the Injuns to tie them up to a stake. It just seemed so silly for her to get her knickers in a twist. Yes, I know it's terribly politically incorrect! He's grown out of the liking for militaria long ago. He went on to other interests.

KrisAkabusi · 18/04/2023 15:55

dumdididum · 18/04/2023 15:31

Probably because he knows I would have flipped, and she's left now. We were discussing my disappointment in the school for other reasons, and because the diagnosis is recent he's concerned about discrimination. If he had said she had been concerned about suicide then I would have understood. He has been discussing this recently because he feels the diagnosis is negative.

Show quote history

How recent? If this happened last year, did she know he is autistic?

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 18/04/2023 15:59

I am not terribly impressed by the school’s internet security. It shouldn’t really be possible for students to find detailed information on ammunition on school computers.

Simonjt · 18/04/2023 16:00

A friend worked at the school involved in the link below, it does happen in the UK, thankfully very rarely. If your sons teacher was concerned she should have spoken to the DSL and they could have decided if the issue came under prevent.

Could you do some more work on the importance of him telling you things, rather than keeping it bottled up, he may find it easier to communicate in other ways, letter, text etc.

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/mar/04/british-teenager-michael-piggin-planned-new-columbine-massacre

Teenager Michael Piggin 'planned new Columbine massacre' in the Midlands | UK news | The Guardian

<p>Youth with arsenal of weapons drew up hit list of targets including Loughborough University and a mosque, court hears</p>

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/mar/04/british-teenager-michael-piggin-planned-new-columbine-massacre

amylou8 · 18/04/2023 16:01

Did she ask him the the wellbeing room to specifically ask him that question, or was it said as part of a conversation they were having in general. The former, that's very strange. The latter, probably a poorly judged attempt at humour. I'm sure if they had concerns he was actually planning a school shooting you'd have heard about it in the last year.

MissMaple82 · 18/04/2023 16:04

Ersorrywhatnow · 18/04/2023 15:16

What? In the UK? If so that's an utterly bizarre thing to ask - where would he get hold of a gun for starters?

God your naive

MichelleScarn · 18/04/2023 16:05

KrisAkabusi · 18/04/2023 15:55

How recent? If this happened last year, did she know he is autistic?

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This is what I wondered too.

Original poster
dumdididum · 18/04/2023 16:06

loislovesstewie · 18/04/2023 15:54

A similar thing happened with my ASD son. He also had an interest in militaria when he was in year 7. A teacher told us in shocked tones that he was looking at pictures of guns. I told her that when I was a kid I had a cowboy outfit with guns, the type that had caps that fired, and that we would regularly capture one of the Injuns to tie them up to a stake. It just seemed so silly for her to get her knickers in a twist. Yes, I know it's terribly politically incorrect! He's grown out of the liking for militaria long ago. He went on to other interests.

Ahh yes, I have a younger son who loved a series of books called Beast Quest and used a similar theme in a story he wrote. The teacher went on about how violent it was, until the SENCO told her it was a popular book and quite normal for boys. Personally I was impressed by his use of adjectives.

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 18/04/2023 16:07

It's a concern for any student to develop such an obsession with weapons. I think it should be questioned. School shootings are a real thing, not just in America either!

Original poster
dumdididum · 18/04/2023 16:09

MichelleScarn · 18/04/2023 16:05

This is what I wondered too.

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She should have known at that point as we were exploring it and the school supported it our decision to do so.

OP posts:
PollyPeptide · 18/04/2023 16:14

A teacher told us in shocked tones that he was looking at pictures of guns. I told her that when I was a kid I had a cowboy outfit with guns, the type that had caps that fired,

I think there's a difference between teenage children spending their free time looking at guns and ammo online and young kids playing with a harmless toy which was part of a costume.

milkysmum · 18/04/2023 16:15

I think it sounds like a jokey remark. I don't think it's an appropriate one, but I suspect that's how it was meant.

Original poster
dumdididum · 18/04/2023 16:15

Simonjt · 18/04/2023 16:00

A friend worked at the school involved in the link below, it does happen in the UK, thankfully very rarely. If your sons teacher was concerned she should have spoken to the DSL and they could have decided if the issue came under prevent.

Could you do some more work on the importance of him telling you things, rather than keeping it bottled up, he may find it easier to communicate in other ways, letter, text etc.

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/mar/04/british-teenager-michael-piggin-planned-new-columbine-massacre

That's interesting. I think my biggest concern is why on earth was I not involved? Is there no protocol to inform parents? I do have concerns about depression as he's had a chronic illness. I think a comment like hers could have made it far worse. So, yes, it's a year ago but I'm still annoyed, because imho vulnerable kids don't forget stuff like that.

OP posts:
Simonjt · 18/04/2023 16:18

dumdididum · 18/04/2023 16:15

That's interesting. I think my biggest concern is why on earth was I not involved? Is there no protocol to inform parents? I do have concerns about depression as he's had a chronic illness. I think a comment like hers could have made it far worse. So, yes, it's a year ago but I'm still annoyed, because imho vulnerable kids don't forget stuff like that.

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I would have thought with operation prevent schools are unable to inform parents as it could lead to evidence etc being hidden.