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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Celebs and 'fertility' battles...AIBU?

38 replies

TigerToo · 18/04/2023 11:20

NC for this, 5 round plus multiple cycles of IVF have failed. Still childless. I now face the prospect of a hysterectomy at 40. So appreciate my emotional state might be clouding my judgement.
Browsing socials today to yet another celeb posting about their 'elective' egg freezing process, to give them more options and time in the future to decide if/when to have kids. They are in the early days of stims, talking about how much it's already 'takings it's toll'
AIBU to think this isn't supportive to women who've been through this journey. It's almost bragging, arrogant ..... I might not need in the future but I'm going to do it anyway so I can sell my tale of woe in the future and money is no object.
It's not a battle, it's a choice.
And yes .... I've unfollowed, and yes I'm being cruel, mean, jealous but surely any good PR person wouldn't recommend broadcasting this to the world.
Same said about those who sell stories to the papers about their 'struggle' of one round, one cycle, healthy pregnancy and birth. Hard yes, but not exactly years and years of IVF hell.
Rant over. Sorry - needed to get it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
TigerToo · 18/04/2023 12:35

Just me being grumpy then Angry

OP posts:
fiftiesmum · 18/04/2023 13:04

Celebs of this type will sell any story to make money - often fame is short lived so grab it while you can.
I feel annoyed too when they publish this stuff and i have never been in your situation op.

Wenfy · 18/04/2023 13:11

Just ignore. If you think something is misleading report. I managed to get a ‘celeb’ video deleted because she was claiming egg freezing prevented infertility.

Thedogscollar · 18/04/2023 13:13

@TigerToo YANBU or grumpy. I completely agree. Celebs always have to dramatise everything they do. They must think it makes them sound interesting and keep them in the public eye.
I really hope you get your baby OP. I know it's a tough journey. I tried for many years eventually got there.
You are right to ignore and concentrate on yourself.

Lottapianos · 18/04/2023 13:13

It's almost bragging, arrogant ..... I might not need in the future but I'm going to do it anyway so I can sell my tale of woe in the future and money is no object'

I agree with you. It's seems really tasteless and opportunistic. I don't blame you in the slightest for needing a rant after reading this stuff

LlynTegid · 18/04/2023 13:15

Seems to be attention seeking, not sharing something that will help others not feeling alone in their struggle/pains.

AncientToaster · 18/04/2023 13:18

I remember the utter outrage on here a few years ago when a celeb described her secondary infertility journey of about a year. I can see why it’s annoyed you.

NBLarsen · 18/04/2023 13:18

I'm in pretty much the same position as you, so fully understand the bitter hurt and pain of the situation.

However... it's not a celebrity's job to be supportive to anyone, nor to not brag or whatever else. Celebrities are just regular people who have an audience. They can brag, be arrogant, be irresponsible, hurtful, etc, just the same as the next person.

I honestly had to come off all social media at my lowest point because I couldn't stand reading about anyone's lives, good or bad. It did help me.

Pollywoddles · 18/04/2023 13:21

I feel you OP!

Theres a few clinics here that have ‘partnered’ with ‘influencers’ (wouldn’t even call them celebrities) who don’t even have fertility issues, that sticks in my craw. Those that follow them see them do one round and skip off into the sunset with their babies. There’s never any promotion of failed cycles, failed fertilisation, failed PGT, failed implantation etc. you know, the stuff the average Jo Soap will go through with these clinics.

It’s also complete attention seeking. I feel so sorry for the women that follow them thinking that they are going through the same thing when more often than not they’re doing it for financial gain and don’t have any issues to speak of.

Pollywoddles · 18/04/2023 13:23

NBLarsen · 18/04/2023 13:18

I'm in pretty much the same position as you, so fully understand the bitter hurt and pain of the situation.

However... it's not a celebrity's job to be supportive to anyone, nor to not brag or whatever else. Celebrities are just regular people who have an audience. They can brag, be arrogant, be irresponsible, hurtful, etc, just the same as the next person.

I honestly had to come off all social media at my lowest point because I couldn't stand reading about anyone's lives, good or bad. It did help me.

I feel that the vast majority exploit vulnerable women for their own gain. They’re always getting something out of it whether it’s paid promotion, freebies, more followers etc. Most of them don’t share their ‘journey’ for nothing.

khaa2091 · 18/04/2023 13:27

I sat at a baby shower (which I hate anyway), being subjected to how difficult someone’s IVF journey had been in ongoing excruciating detail. She married knowing she would need IVF to conceive as he had a vasectomy after children with his ex wife. First attempt successful but traumatised as x2 embryos transferred and singleton pregnancy (she kept talking about her “pregnancy loss”).

To put it in context, I have one daughter after 7 cycles of IVF and unsuccessful transfer and miscarriage. Apparently “I am so strong” as poor little her clearly felt things much more because she couldn’t ever have done that.

OP, I’m so sorry and will happily join you in contemplating dartboards etc.

Albiboba · 18/04/2023 13:30

Browsing socials today to yet another celeb posting about their 'elective' egg freezing process, to give them more options and time in the future to decide if/when to have kids. They are in the early days of stims, talking about how much it's already 'takings it's toll'
AIBU to think this isn't supportive to women who've been through this journey

YABU there will always be someone worse off than you, it doesn’t mean someone should never be able to discuss their own life.

LuvSmallDogs · 18/04/2023 13:33

I've not had fertility problems, but it would occur to me that banking eggs/embryos to have options in the future when you're fertile isn't really the same as someone who has no choice but to use IVF etc and is actually a massive sign of privilege?

It's probably best not to pay much mind to celebs with similar health problems and comparing what they can access vs normal people, it'll just make you angry.

legoohno · 18/04/2023 13:41

Is this Vicky Pattinson?

She makes my teeth tickle because I cringe so hard at her.

LadyMuckingabout · 18/04/2023 13:41

I agree that most celebrities’ “infertility journeys” are anything but. It happens in real life, too. In a moment of weakness I explained about my infertility to a colleague. “Oh” she breezed, “I suffered from infertility too.” Me: “Oh?” (knowing she had three dcs).”Yes, I was really worried as it took me two months to get pregnant with my first.” Angry

LadyMuckingabout · 18/04/2023 13:45

The thing with freezing eggs - I’d be concerned I’d gone through all the rigmarole of collection and paying for storage… and then the clinic went bust or they had a power cut.

forfuckssakewhatsthisnow · 18/04/2023 13:47

I get it, OP.

Was fully fucking aware I should have been freezing my eggs in my late twenties if I wanted to become a mum but no way in hell could I afford it then.

forfuckssakewhatsthisnow · 18/04/2023 13:48

LadyMuckingabout · 18/04/2023 13:41

I agree that most celebrities’ “infertility journeys” are anything but. It happens in real life, too. In a moment of weakness I explained about my infertility to a colleague. “Oh” she breezed, “I suffered from infertility too.” Me: “Oh?” (knowing she had three dcs).”Yes, I was really worried as it took me two months to get pregnant with my first.” Angry

Jesus. What an utter dickhead she is.

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/04/2023 13:52

I totally get where you are coming from op but they can do what they like, and the simple answer is to unfollow / stop reading celebrity crap.

I have seen a couple recently #ad the
Clinic where they are getting treatment for free / discounted and that does not sit well at all.

Fwiw I do think it's good that they are talking about miscarriage more. It was so taboo when I went through several and my mental state would have been a lot better if it had been spoken at the time.

KimberleyClark · 18/04/2023 13:53

YANBU. I well remember Jools Oliver talking about her fertility struggles when she already had five children.

Newgolddream70 · 18/04/2023 13:58

I hear you, OP! I had several miscarriages, an ectopic and four rounds of IVF spanning eleven years. I did get my happy ending in the end but I totally agree with you. It's an extremely sensitive subject and I have to say, if I was younger and getting my eggs frozen, I wouldn't be plastering 'my journey' all over the internet. But that's me.

I think you need to block these people/stories and tailor your socials so you only see what helps you. I know it's easier said than done though as things tend to just pop up.

HistoryFanatic · 18/04/2023 14:03

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/04/2023 13:52

I totally get where you are coming from op but they can do what they like, and the simple answer is to unfollow / stop reading celebrity crap.

I have seen a couple recently #ad the
Clinic where they are getting treatment for free / discounted and that does not sit well at all.

Fwiw I do think it's good that they are talking about miscarriage more. It was so taboo when I went through several and my mental state would have been a lot better if it had been spoken at the time.

Why were they getting it free/discounted?

red78hot · 18/04/2023 14:04

I agree, 16 years of infertility, thoughts of suicide, 4 rounds of ivf, final round worked. People make off the cuff remarks like " if people can't conceive they should just live with it"

HistoryFanatic · 18/04/2023 14:04

KimberleyClark · 18/04/2023 13:53

YANBU. I well remember Jools Oliver talking about her fertility struggles when she already had five children.

All natural conception? Then what a knob.

itsserendipity · 18/04/2023 14:12

I get very cross about influencers promoting egg freezing as some kind of miracle insurance policy, and selling that lie to young women. They never seem to remind their audience that the chances of a live birth with frozen eggs is still very low. I think it's irresponsible.