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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t get healthy

34 replies

fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 19:47

I’ve been struggling to get healthy and lose weight for nearly 5 years now. I don’t know what to do. I’ve attempted everything: keto (I just couldn’t do it and made me so miserable), meal replacement, just eating in moderation, plus many more. I just don’t know what to do. I hide myself away and not live my life. My milestone birthday came and went and I felt to fat to go out. I’m so utterly fed up. Just spend last 3 hours bingeing and now feel so out of control and fed up. If I lost 1 stone I’d be so happy. Please give me some advice on what to do.

OP posts:
SugarAddict101 · 17/04/2023 19:50

You need to pick one thing and stick to it and do it consistently.

I was like this and moved to carnivore last week and that's working for me now.

Divorcedalongtime · 17/04/2023 19:53

have You considered therapy? Getting to the roots of why you do this might help. Even joining eating disorder groups…? Many people with ED binge.
also you can be healthy without being slim.

Original poster
fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 19:53

@SugarAddict101 thank you. I just find it so hard to stick to anything. Meal replacement feels like the easiest but I go crazy on evening meal

OP posts:
Original poster
fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 19:54

@Divorcedalongtime i tried 2 different OA’s studies the literature plus tried hypnosis but it didn’t work.

OP posts:
waterlego · 17/04/2023 19:59

Do you exercise OP? I know that weight loss is more about diet than exercise but exercise certainly helps. Plus, if your focus is actually good health, then exercise has a huge role to play.

Decide whether your focus is weight/fat loss or good health. They can be two very different goals. I know some extremely unhealthy slim people, and some healthy and fit larger people.

I agree with PP that looking into therapy is a good idea if binge eating is a problem. There is likely to be an emotional or psychological reason why you binge eat. Chopping and changing between lots of different diets is probably a waste of time unless you can address what causes you to overeat in the first place.

waterlego · 17/04/2023 19:59

Sorry, crossed posts- I see you have tried OA and hypnotherapy. What about CBT?

tothelefttotheleft · 17/04/2023 20:00

Do you only have a stone to lose?

greenacrylicpaint · 17/04/2023 20:01

pick one thing and do it a week or 2 before moving to the next.

slowly and sustainable.
for example
week one: walk 10 min twice a day
week two: reduce your sugar in your Brew by hallf
week three: no food after 8pm
week 4: no more sugar in Brew
week 5...

Divorcedalongtime · 17/04/2023 20:03

fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 19:54

@Divorcedalongtime i tried 2 different OA’s studies the literature plus tried hypnosis but it didn’t work.

Talking therapy. It opened my eyes so much, I always recommend it.

LunaNorth · 17/04/2023 20:03

Are you sure you really need to lose weight?

Try reading The Fuck It Diet.

declutteringmymind · 17/04/2023 20:09

Read atomic habits. Try making very small changes and stick to them. Then build it up.

So for one week swap one unhealthy snack to a healthy one, or none at all. Do one rep of push ups once a day. Once you have stuck to that, add another good habit. It's literally a snails pace but you will make strong and sustainable progress. Don't fixate in a goal, just a goal to improve every day.

I'm a year into this in all aspects of life and I've done so much. But I've got so much more to do. It feels like a life long project but I'm in such a better place a year on.

Original poster
fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 20:09

I have about 3 stones to lose in total but I will feel better if I just lose a stone. Right now I’m spilling out of my 16/18 clothes.

I have tried CBT and talking therapies about other issues but not specifically for my eating habits. I know all my eating stems from an unhappy childhood,

OP posts:
Original poster
fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 20:11

Thank you @LunaNorth and @declutteringmymind for the book recommendations I’ll try finding both the books on my kindle tonight.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 17/04/2023 20:11

Do you exercise, get rest and sleep, drink lots of water?

If you're not doing all of these things diet has much less impact.

declutteringmymind · 17/04/2023 20:11

I also recommend journaling - write down how you feel every time you eat something. It's an eye opener. As soon as you find your triggers you'll be wise to them. For me it was boredom, slight depression and reward. So I am dealing with those slowly.

Newuswr · 17/04/2023 20:14

The truth is you don’t want to lose weight. Else you’d just do what you need to. It’s been 5 years after all.

I think for you, it might be a mental health issue eg something is mentally blocking you from committing to improving your health. You binge because it gives you some mental satisfaction too.

Original poster
fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 20:14

Does anyone know if any good meal replacement apps? I had a good one before don’t remember name but can’t find anything on App Store. It was amazing it had a countdown timer to each meal! Years ago I used it for my wedding weight loss. I need something like that.

OP posts:
WishIwasElsa · 17/04/2023 20:15

Do you know what triggers you to binge? Be kind to yourself but take control you can make changes and stick to it and you will see a difference.

PollyPeptide · 17/04/2023 20:16

You've identified your problem time. Evening snacking. So you need to either find low calorie things to snack on, carrot and cucumber sticks with salsa for example; go out; or do things with your hands so they're not free for eating.
Then get to bed early and get into beauty routines (again to avoid food), and straight into bed.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2023 20:20

I think you should try totally upending your evening routine. Do you eat in front of the television?

FatherJoseFernandez · 17/04/2023 20:21

I saw a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a while and she had lost a few stone and looked amazing. She had been to slimming world and attended the groups. I was always put off by SW as I love my bread and carbs and hated the idea of restricting these. I thought I’d tried everything else so I may as well give it a go. As I am paying for it and am accountable at the weekly weigh in this has worked so much better for me. The variety of food is huge as well and I’ve started jogging again. I sound like I work for them but I promise I don’t 😂

noctu · 17/04/2023 21:15

I'm a great believer in finding the way of eating that works FOR YOU.

Some people do very well on Slimming World due to the psychological effect of the freedom of eating unlimited (sort of) types of food
Some people do very well on things like 5:2 as they might, for example, snack too much and time restricted eating knocks that on the head
Some people do very well on mindful eating as they have habits of eating food without considering what they're eating
Some people do very well on keto as they prefer meat and cheese based foods anyway

... you can catch my general drift!

Personally, the thing that worked for me (after trying all of the above plus others) was taking away the element of choice and faff, and something that gave me quick results in order to keep my motivation buoyed. That was the 1:1 (Cambridge) plan, step 2, which is meal replacements plus a small home made evening meal. But again I would stress this is all very personal and individual - whatever diet it is, it needs to be the one that addresses your personal eating behaviours and psychology/motivation. I lost 3 stone and have kept it off.

Original poster
fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 22:21

Thank you everyone for the suggestions. To answer a question about what I think my triggers are well I think it’s stress - I have a 4 year old and 7 year old who
constantly fight so it’s a struggle getting through the evening. Plus I’m married to a cold and horrible man e we go shows me zero affection do good in the evening is like my comfort. I’ve had awful childhood trauma too. I was reading a book called “brain over binge” and I’ve thing I’ve taken away from it is I have the control to stop myself eating and if I keep waiting for my problems to go away then I’ll be waiting forever.

No don’t get enough sleep. 4 year old will be in school come September so hopefully I will have more time to focus on myself now. I work part time and he’s home with me the days I don’t work. I don’t eat as much when I’m in work. I forget to eat in work! But I definitely make up for it when I get home.

OP posts:
Original poster
fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 22:23

@noctu is Cambridge sane as slimfast? I’ve bought myself some meal replacement from sainburys as they are lower in sugar and cheaper! I actually used to make slimfast in water which I think cut out around 9g of sugar by not using milk.

OP posts:
noctu · 17/04/2023 22:29

fatnfedup12 · 17/04/2023 22:23

@noctu is Cambridge sane as slimfast? I’ve bought myself some meal replacement from sainburys as they are lower in sugar and cheaper! I actually used to make slimfast in water which I think cut out around 9g of sugar by not using milk.

It’s sort of similar in that it’s a meal replacement plan but you get the option of bars, shakes, porridge, savoury products, and depending on the step you’re on, a small evening meal too.
it’s pretty full on/strict but it does work … just like any very low calorie diet I suppose!
A lot of people turn their nose up at very low calorie diets especially those that involve meal replacement. However if you need the weight off fast and are prepared to put the time and effort into understanding your eating behaviours and good nutritional principles, then you increase your chances of keeping it off at the end. It’s not for everyone.
be kind to yourself ❤️