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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so embarrassed by this

39 replies

Ohhofcourse · 17/04/2023 15:00

Just had my card declined in the supermarket and had to ask someone to come to the self checkout so I could remove an item, never been more embarrassed and skint in my life. I had my child with me too which just made me feel even more useless. He's probably going to remember that as a long lasting memory of how poor we are or something.
so I had no money until tomorrow, apart from some change I found around the house and £1.60 in my bank, found a £5 note in the house so went to the shop to get a few bits to last until tomorrow, somehow lost the note whilst in the shop (need to remember to not put the plastic notes in my pocket they just fling out) all the change and the little bit in my card meant we were about 7p off. The idea of not having a spare 7 bloody p is so tragic I need to budget better because being down to absolute zero isn't a good plan.
please tell me this has happened to other people I feel like never showing my face in that shop again (but no choice it's the only one I can get too!)

added to the joy of the bailiff letter I received this week asking me to pay money I don't and only accepting insane monthly payments (£600!) and I've just about had enough of being a useless adult.

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 17/04/2023 20:05

"Could you or your partner get more hours at work?
What a spectacularly insensitive and stupid thing to say.

dizzydizzydizzy · 18/04/2023 00:29

I was in debt and Payplan negotiated all the repayments for me . They were really good. I'm glad to say I have repaid everything now.

It was a very stressful time and I was often in your situation where I was looking behind the sofa for money because my bank account was on zero.
I feel for you OP, it's difficult. I'm pretty sure my DCs have actually benefited from this though. They are both young adults and are very careful with their spending.

MilkshakeEarthquake · 18/04/2023 00:34

I think you are over thinking it, I’ve had to get off the bus before because my card was declined because I had picked up my old bank card not the new one I ordered happens all the time for many reasons and I was with my kids. If your child is disabled I take it you get dla?

Underminer · 18/04/2023 00:36

Don’t be embarrassed. It happens all the time on card machines, sometimes just down to a bank error. I’ve been there with no money at all and the card declined, and the woman in our local shop told me they get it happening more and more.
You can’t control what happened, but you can control your reaction to it and how your child remembers it.

Pixiedust1234 · 18/04/2023 00:36

You aren't useless. You are doing the best you can in trying circumstances

added to the joy of the bailiff letter I received this week asking me to pay money I don't and only accepting insane monthly payments (£600!)
Are you saying you don't owe the debt? Are they real bailiffs or just a debt collection agency? They are different.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 18/04/2023 00:44

At least you didn’t try to pay with a library card …… (may or may not have been me and left the bank card at home).

BreviloquentBastard · 18/04/2023 00:55

CherryCokeFanatic · 17/04/2023 19:08

Could you or your partner get more hours at work?

Good grief Sherlock how did you get to the bottom of that one?! I'm sure she's never thought that if she could work more she'd have more money, thank god you came along to put us all right!

treespouse · 18/04/2023 01:16

DH card declined buying some garlic bread. The woman on the till recognised him from the area and joked because (I guess) she assumed it must've been a banking mistake. It wasn't, we really were that skint. I told him we didn't have money for the bread but he fancied it so thought by some miracle his card would work. It didn't .

JennyJenny8675309 · 18/04/2023 01:21

Once when my three children were young I was getting us a meal at a fast food place. The girl put the food on the tray, including drinks. Then my card was declined. I was flustered and spilled the drinks all over the food and the floor. Then I had to push the tray back and walk out with my children. My son is an adult now and has never forgotten the embarrassment.

JennyJenny8675309 · 18/04/2023 01:21

OP, this too shall pass. Put it out of your mind.

Mamanyt · 18/04/2023 01:22

My Darlin, please do not allow this to define you, especially not to yourself. I've seen cards declined which belonged to fairly well-to-do people. And they were not the least embarrassed. Their response is generally, "Time to make a few calls." It happens to almost everyone at some point or another. Those in the store with you do NOT know that you are searching the couch cushions for change. They only know that the card was declined...and they really don't care one way or the other. No one is gossiping about it when they leave the store.

You've gotten some good advice about going forward. I am not in the UK, so I can't add anything to that, other than to say explore and avail yourself of any and all assistance. And keep your head up. Remember all of the lovely things about yourself, and enjoy those. And keep moving forward. Don't get mired in this. I have faith in you. You obviously care, you're just...stuck for a minute. Not a lifetime, a minute.

JMSA · 18/04/2023 01:32

Och, you poor thing
I wish I had been in the queue to help you out.
But PLEASE don't be ashamed or embarrassed - absolutely no need.

LoisLane66 · 18/04/2023 01:33

No ability to DM but I have been there, albeit decades ago. Would like to help, send something to tide you over this hurdle. Does this site let you give out email addresses then I could send mine?

MNHQ

HopeMumsnet · 18/04/2023 07:21

Hello everyone,

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circumstances, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

Mumsnet's financial guide - homelessness, bills, food and more | Mumsnet

Facing financial issues with the rising cost of living? Find helpful tips, advice, and support from real Mumsnetters on everything from bill costs, food, homelessness, and the support groups available.

https://www.mumsnet.com/articles/financial-issues-guide

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