Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be so embarrassed by this

39 replies

Ohhofcourse · 17/04/2023 15:00

Just had my card declined in the supermarket and had to ask someone to come to the self checkout so I could remove an item, never been more embarrassed and skint in my life. I had my child with me too which just made me feel even more useless. He's probably going to remember that as a long lasting memory of how poor we are or something.
so I had no money until tomorrow, apart from some change I found around the house and £1.60 in my bank, found a £5 note in the house so went to the shop to get a few bits to last until tomorrow, somehow lost the note whilst in the shop (need to remember to not put the plastic notes in my pocket they just fling out) all the change and the little bit in my card meant we were about 7p off. The idea of not having a spare 7 bloody p is so tragic I need to budget better because being down to absolute zero isn't a good plan.
please tell me this has happened to other people I feel like never showing my face in that shop again (but no choice it's the only one I can get too!)

added to the joy of the bailiff letter I received this week asking me to pay money I don't and only accepting insane monthly payments (£600!) and I've just about had enough of being a useless adult.

OP posts:
Xrays · 17/04/2023 15:02

You’re not a useless adult. Things are impossibly hard for many people right now. I feel really sorry for you and wish I could do something to help. ❤️ I feel a bit useless writing that but honestly it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Nimbostratus100 · 17/04/2023 15:03

ofg, it is just one of those things, a very common occurance in my life, and no big deal at all. Dont make it into a big thing for your child, just shrug and accept it, and they will too

georgarina · 17/04/2023 15:05

This happened to me. The woman behind me paid for my shopping and said 'I've been there.'

uncomfortablydumb53 · 17/04/2023 15:08

You are not a failure or stupid... it's happened to me, and lots of others at different times
I often used to pray that the transaction went through

uncomfortablydumb53 · 17/04/2023 15:10

Forgot to add
CAB might be able to help with the bailiffs repayment plan

Berlinlover · 17/04/2023 15:11

I work on a supermarket checkout, this happens all the time, there really is no reason to be embarrassed.

Softsoftsleep · 17/04/2023 15:26

OP I earn a reasonably good salary and this happens to me too. Sometimes I've the wrong card, forgot to move money over from a different account or its the day before payday. It happens to everyone and isn't some sign that you are a useless adult at all!

5128gap · 17/04/2023 15:37

uncomfortablydumb53 · 17/04/2023 15:10

Forgot to add
CAB might be able to help with the bailiffs repayment plan

This! If you do one thing today OP, Google Citizens Advice debt helpline and get help to get those repayments negotiated down to an affordable level. Lines open till 8pm.

UpsyDaisy352 · 17/04/2023 15:38

I’m on an alright salary, and the only bills I pay are for my phone, car and toiletries - I still come up short sometimes, for different reasons.

You’re not useless for not being able to pay for things - the people who enforce these astronomical prices for basic necessities are the useless ones.

Have a look around and see if there’s any resources you can use. Speak to the bailiff and explain your situation, there has to be some sort of payment plan you can use. As hard as it is, nothings impossible and you will get through it.

As for your little one, he’ll grow up to remember how his mum did everything she could to provide for him in one of the most difficult times. He’ll be far more likely to remember a trip to the park or a walk on the beach than he is to remember that one time you didn’t have 7p.

Topseyt123 · 17/04/2023 15:38

You're not useless. You're just in a tight spot financially.

It used to happen to me years ago when things were much tighter than they are now. You have my sympathy. I know it feels awful. It happens more often than you would know though.

TempName247 · 17/04/2023 15:41

It happened to me but through my own stupidity was trying to use an expired card and insisting to the cashier it should work 🤦🏻‍♀️
supermarket workers aren’t known for being on a large salary themselves so I can’t imagine them being judgey about people’s finances.

imjusthereforAIBU · 17/04/2023 15:55

It happened to me on Saturday. I thought I had more money in my account than I did, forgetting a bill had gone out. And having worked in a shop I promise over the years we had many many people have cards declined and I cannot remember a single one of those interactions properly. It happens, it's part of life and it's OK.

I also remember really clearly being about 9 or 10 years old and my mum breaking down in tears on someone at church about not being able to eat because she was just feeding us kids but not herself, and this church person giving mum some food. You're right I do remember it and your son might too. But that's really not a bad thing necessarily. I had a happy childhood because I knew I was loved - as long as no-one is starving or freezing (you get the idea) then that's what matters.

But I do hope you get some help with the payments thing as living on the edge with stress won't be helping. Sounds like lots of others had some good advice re: CAB etc. And I hope that £5 reappeared.

Bedtimemode · 17/04/2023 16:54

Oh my god, I work in a supermarket and this literally happens every shift. Its not unusual in the slightest, I promise you. People will sometimes tell me how much they have to spend before I put their shopping through or will hold back items to see how much it comes to first. And as shop staff, we aren't exactly rolling in it ourselves!

Inthesamesinkingboat · 17/04/2023 16:57

I used to work in a shop and this would happen often and for all sorts of reasons.

FlyWildAndFree · 17/04/2023 17:04

It's always happening, most of the time it's a fault on the actual card, machine can't read it properly or could be a new card that needs so many pin entries etc. People think nothing of it, it's happened to me loads, sometimes because l haven't had the money to cover it and sometimes because of other reasons.
I have learnt to live on a little for absolute years now so it doesn't bother me anymore.

PollyAmour · 17/04/2023 17:54

If I'd been in the queue, I'd have given you the 7p. Where did you drop the fiver?

IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/04/2023 17:56

Yeah I've had to call DP before to run in with his card to pay. Queue building behind me. I was so embarrassed z

CherryCokeFanatic · 17/04/2023 19:08

Could you or your partner get more hours at work?

iaapap · 17/04/2023 19:10

Cards get declined all the time - don’t worry about your child.

SnappyDragony · 17/04/2023 19:16

This happened to me today. Was about 3 quid out. The lovely man in my local shop popped an item back for me and I got the bits I really needed. I was still embarrassed though at the time, but now after a couple hours it's worn off. There is a cost of living crisis and I can't imagine you are even the 10th person this had happened to today on the check out peoples shift. I was also with my little one, don't worry it won't become a core memory 😊. It will happen to most of us at some point. Just be happy it wasn't petrol lol then you would have been buggered

Original poster
Ohhofcourse · 17/04/2023 19:16

CherryCokeFanatic · 17/04/2023 19:08

Could you or your partner get more hours at work?

If I had either a partner or a job then yes but I don't.
My child has a disability and doesn't attend school full time currently (hence why they were with me in the middle of the day)
I had to leave my job because I couldn't make it work with around my child and school, when my ex partner decided he didn't want to bother having them any more on my work days once we broke up.

OP posts:
CherryCokeFanatic · 17/04/2023 19:17

Have you checked you are claiming all you are entitled to?

Could you get referred to a food bank?

ScroogeMcDuckling · 17/04/2023 19:21

Cards seem to get declined now for “security reasons” a lot more these days. It can be embarrassing to you, but till supervisors see it all the time and will have forgotten about u by tea break!

menu planning is bloody boring-especially after a week or so, you start dreaming of kebabs and Chinese etc, but a month or so of it, can really help get your finances a little bit back on track xxx

Hawkins003 · 17/04/2023 19:28

If I'm in the que, at our local someone was short of around $1 so I offered to cover it, as it seemed the polite thing to do, Plus when I've been similar I've had to borrow.

MedievalNun · 17/04/2023 19:34
  1. get legal advice as I'm fairly sure you should be able to negotiate to a minimal payment. CAB or failing that talk to a debt management firm such as Step Change aa they'll be able to help.

second - been in this situation. It's bloody awful and I still have nightmares 10 years later. It does get better, I promise.

CAB is also worth talking to to make sure you're getting everything you're entitled to. But definitely get a purse to keep notes safe.

Swipe left for the next trending thread