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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"It takes more than books".. Raising a successful child, comment by a friend..

39 replies

Bookwanderer · 17/04/2023 09:35

I was having lunch yesterday with a friend who was privately educated. We were talking about our kids & one of mine is a complete book worm.. She said having a successful child "takes a lot more than books".. I've been pondering her comment since yesterday afternoon, what exactly was she getting at?!

OP posts:
7Worfs · 17/04/2023 09:38

If she said it whilst you were talking about your daughter’s love of reading I’d be a bit cheesed off.
I have acquaintances like this, everything is a competition with them.

JuneShitfield · 17/04/2023 09:39

What was the definition of 'successful child' within the context of that conversation? It's an odd phrase...

LadyOfTheCanyon · 17/04/2023 09:41

There was a thread on here called " how to raise an intellectual child " recently, which was interesting in terms of people's views.

Original poster
Bookwanderer · 17/04/2023 09:43

I was basically saying the kids were getting on well in school, one was big into sports the other loves reading. And her reply was "well it takes a lot more than books".. And the comment has been playing on my mind ever since!

OP posts:
Loopyloooooo · 17/04/2023 09:46

She sounds like hard work 😆

bridgetreilly · 17/04/2023 09:46

What she means is ‘My child doesn’t like reading and I feel defensive about that.’

Stop thinking about it.

Devoutspoken · 17/04/2023 09:47

She sounds a bit annoying, having a kid into books is great!

7Worfs · 17/04/2023 09:48

Yeah, she was being an ass.

Anecdotally, the most bookish girls in my year went on to have the most successful careers.

Original poster
Bookwanderer · 17/04/2023 09:48

@bridgetreilly her dc are in the same state school as mine so she couldn't have meant private school even though she went to one herself.. It was just such a cryptic comment!

OP posts:
BeautifulWar · 17/04/2023 09:50

What she means is ‘My child doesn’t like reading and I feel defensive about that.’

Definitely this.

WorkingWhileStressed · 17/04/2023 09:50

Sounds like thinly masked jealousy on your friend's part OP.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 17/04/2023 09:52

It's sound as though you were having a bit of a competitive conversation and she threw something passive aggressive in. You could have retorted that having a successful child take more than throwing money at them, if you wanted to stoop!

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 17/04/2023 10:03

If you really want to know what your friend meant, you would need to ask her. Me, I wouldn't give it headspace. And what is a 'successful child'?

Soffana · 17/04/2023 10:05

Perhaps she thought you were bragging too much about your children?

Valour · 17/04/2023 10:08

WTF is a successful child? A happy one? Or someone who does well at school?
Messed up thinking on her behalf.

SpringBunnies · 17/04/2023 10:11

I don't want to vote because I don't think it's clear cut whether YABU or YANBU. It's true that it takes more than books to raise a successful child, and that success is clearly not judged by number of books read and understood. Your friend's comment however is very rude and sounds like a dig at you having bookworm for a child. We are all different and we can't all be amazing at sports, music or being social butterflies. Why we just accept some children love books?

AuContraire · 17/04/2023 10:13

It's a comment born of insecurity on your friend's part. Don't let it get to you.

Original poster
Bookwanderer · 17/04/2023 10:22

Soffana · 17/04/2023 10:05

Perhaps she thought you were bragging too much about your children?

No bragging involved, it was just about school in general. She mentioned how well her dc were getting on at music, in fairness her dc are excellent, they play in the school orchestra & they do music outside school. My friend was saying yesterday how expensive the lessons were but they love it.. I said about one dc loving sport the other a complete bookworm & she replies "well now it takes a lot more than books"...

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 17/04/2023 14:24

her dc are in the same state school as mine so she couldn't have meant private school even though she went to one herself.. It was just such a cryptic comment!

Judging by this thread, the issue is your poor comprehension skills.

Original poster
Bookwanderer · 17/04/2023 14:56

@bridgetreilly can you elaborate please? Maybe you can throw light on the comment!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/04/2023 15:00

BeautifulWar · 17/04/2023 09:50

What she means is ‘My child doesn’t like reading and I feel defensive about that.’

Definitely this.

This.

She sounds like an twit.

Loving to read is of great benefit to a child for both academic and emotional enjoyment.

bridgetreilly · 17/04/2023 16:05

I already did, OP, and your odd comment in response is what makes me question your comprehension skills.

Original poster
Bookwanderer · 17/04/2023 16:06

@bridgetreilly noted!

OP posts:
RudsyFarmer · 17/04/2023 16:11

bridgetreilly · 17/04/2023 09:46

What she means is ‘My child doesn’t like reading and I feel defensive about that.’

Stop thinking about it.

Exactly.

diflasu · 17/04/2023 16:12

She mentioned how well her dc were getting on at music, in fairness her dc are excellent, they play in the school orchestra & they do music outside school. My friend was saying yesterday how expensive the lessons were but they love it.. I said about one dc loving sport the other a complete bookworm & she replies "well now it takes a lot more than books"...

Were you meant to be listening about how great her kids were and sympathising with how expensive she find their hobbies and not bring your children into the conversation?

Time to ask was probably when she said it - as no-one here really knows what she meant but I'd would try not to give it headspace.

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