"It takes more than books".. Raising a successful child, comment by a friend..

[Bookwanderer]

I was having lunch yesterday with a friend who was privately educated. We were talking about our kids & one of mine is a complete book worm.. She said having a successful child "takes a lot more than books".. I've been pondering her comment since yesterday afternoon, what exactly was she getting at?!

Maybe she was saying ‘it takes more than books’ if she thought you prized the reading achievements of one child
over the sporty achievements of your other child?

I would say that she means booksmarts alone so not make a successful person.

Yes, OP, the comment you replied to had nothing to do with private/public schools, so that was a bit odd...

If she said it takes more "now", I'd assume she meant that excelling in academics, being a good reader, etc. (all the things that traditionally meant a child was doing well in school and well-prepared for what comes after) is no longer enough. That it takes more (like music, since that's what her children do) to stand out and be "successful". I'd just ignore her.

That is probably it, but you are kinder than I am because my first thought was; 'She's a competitive super bitch'.

She's just engaging in old fashioned parental one-up-manship. She's saying that successful children are well rounded individuals, with a variety of skills and interests - hence her children being very successful musically and her putting down your bookworm.

Ever seen the 1995 pride and prejudice? Remember the scene at netherfield where Caroline Bingley talks about how few woman can be called accomplished?

Your friend is Caroline Bingley and your dc is Elizabeth Bennett.

The scene in question:

This.

Some people get chippy and defensive about other people who like reading as they interpret it as a criticism of the fact they don't like reading.

No one would ever say: "It takes more than music/sport to bring up a successful child". It just means she's jealous and wants to put you back into your box.

Maybe she was just being nice and meant that even though one of yours is onto books and the other is into sports.... it takes all sorts to make the world go round and it doesnt matter Iof one isnt a bookworm.

What she means is ‘My child doesn’t like reading and I feel defensive about that.’

^This.

This.

My sister is the same. She struggles with her DC. I cannot say anything about mine without her finding some way to be offended or make and offhand comment. I don't bother now.

She was being a bitch!

Totally this. She's not v pleasant.

What she means is ‘My child doesn’t like reading and I feel defensive about that.’
Agreed.
She's the sort of parent who will seek to downplay the importance of anything positive another parent does that she doesn't do with her child.

If you said your child loves learning French, she'd probably point out that post Brexit French isn't a useful second language.
If you said your child was entering for LAMDA exams, she'd probably say something about drama not being an important skill for successful child/successful children don't need to be taught how to speak confidently.
Etc. Etc.
Ignore her.

Well all I had was books and it meant I got to be the first of my family to go to university. The rest of my childhood was really shit and books helped me through that.

Your friend sounds quite unpleasant, I’d be giving her a bit of space in the foreseeable.