To expect parents to clean up after their children?

[MotherofBingo]

I work in a restaurant, I know children can be hardwork, I have two and they are no angels but I would never dream of leaving the table in the absolute states that many parents do! I'm talking food and rubbish all over the floor - literally piles of it - stickers stuck to the furniture and pen/Crayon marks on the tables, walls and menus, half chewed food left for us to pick up (and occasionally other bodily fluids left for us to deal with too!), food smeared everywhere and general rubbish ALL over the table. Just why? I'm assuming these parents wouldn't allow it at home.

It's not just the mess either, it's the parents who come in and enjoy a bottle of wine between them while their darling 2 year old is running around unattended into the kitchen and out to the carpark - of course the parents get extremely irate when we point out how unsafe this is. It's so common!

To make it worse, the majority of parents who do this always seem to treat the waiting staff like scum - looking down their nose at us like there's a bad smell and speaking extra slowly as though we are too stupid to understand basic English. It's becoming very hard to give the same attitude back sometimes.

So I personally clean up after my two toddlers. On the rare occasion I can’t (eldest is disabled and can need to make a quick exit sometimes) I tip VERY WELL which having worked in hospitality I know softens the blow.

However, and I’m just playing devils advocate here BUT, I actually don’t think parents should have to clean up a bit of mess. I’m talking a reasonable mess, not a catastrophic full plate dumped/smeared kind of deal. I’ve seen adults accidentally make a mess on so many occasions in eatery’s and never are they expected to clean it. What’s the difference between peas ending up on the floor because a 2yo has bad aim vs 50 year old Alan who’s had a few pints, wasn’t paying attention and knocked his vegetable bowl over.
‘oh don’t worry about it happens all the time’
vs
‘bloody kids always making such a mess parents should be cleaning this’

The attitude difference in service between adults making mess and kids making mess is insane. To be honest it’s a form of age discrimination. A mess is a mess regardless of who made it.

@Thehonestbadger to me it is all about adults - the adults who make a mess and the adults who have children who make a mess.

It is completely disrespectful to the waiting staff.

I agree, it's disgusting chavvy behaviour, with 0 respect.
We have kids but we always wipe down the table with baby wipes after and I ask for a dustpan and brush to give the surrounding floor around the table a sweep. A lot of the time staff don't give me the brush and just tell me "not to worry about it" but if that happens then I get down on my hands & knees and pick up the bits that I can! I don't expect staff to clean up after my children, that's my job.
It doesn't take a lot to show a little respect.

My BIL once laughed at my DH and I as we were on our knees picking peas up off the floor in a pub. We hate leaving any mess, I don't think anyone else should have to clear up after us, and I'm not better than the staff. I'd do it at home and I'd do it at a restaurant/cafe. We didn't used to eat out much though when the kids were babies/toddlers. What's the point? They hate it, you have to take it in turns to eat, I'm always stressed about them annoying other people. They're older now but I still find myself saying "do you think anyone else wants to see/hear that whilst they are eating their meal????!" 😁It's one of my bug bears, I get so riled up when I see parents not engaging with or parenting their kids at all when they are eating out...

YANBU, it is the parent’s responsibility to make sure their children behave while in a restaurant, and if they do make a mess it is the parents and children’s (depending on their age) responsibility to clean it up as best they can and also apologise. There seems to be a massive lack of respect towards waiters/waitresses and a generation of people who think the world owes them.
I would be mortified if anyone ever thought any member of my family were disrespectful towards them and we try to leave a restaurant table as tidy as it was when we found it.

This was just a small bit of the absolute shit I had to clean up at the weekend lol my point is it would have taken the parent seconds to just bend down and pick it up 🙃

I used to work for the Disney Store many moons ago and you wouldn’t believe how many people would drop their kids in there and ask us to watch over them whilst they did their shopping like we were some kind of crèche! People just don’t give a shit and think they’re so entitled!

These are worse than the out and out slobby ones because at least when it gets beyond a certain point, you can (and I do) ask them to leave and (had to in the past) call the police when furniture starts flying 😯.
The above described are so utterly sorry but will immediately turn you into Attila the Hun if you dare say anything and consider it rude for you to do so, they're used to manipulating their way through life and this situation is no different and they quickly turn it around into you being rude, unreasonable and not giving customer service if you dare to ask them to keep little Tarquin from standing in front of the kitchen swing doors, or behind the bar, or lying between the tables and then you get an 'honest' review left on every social media they can think of about how terribly they were treated because they had children with them and how much they were looking forward to a family evening but it was totally ruined by the rude and obnoxious waiting staff, while little darling Tarquin is just a child and now they feel like they could never go back to somewhere who treats paying customers like this.
And you can bet your life however many adults there are, there'll be that many reviews too, and because apparently waiting staff have no right to privacy they'll quite often include your name and some a description.
And because the reviews are well written by intelligent people and it would seem at the moment just about everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon of being a 'victim' of poor customer service, those reviews are usually taken seriously, despite replies from the management detailing what actually happened. I've had such reviews mentioned to me while at work - "Oh you're the one who doesn't like children!" When in actual fact I've returned a child to their table eleventy million times having found them in various places they shouldn't be, had to discount other customers food because they've caused a disturbance and likely tripped over them a fair few times too.

I religiously tidy up after DD (1) has thrown food everywhere. We love going out with her, she always makes a mess. I wouldn’t stop going out just because she makes a mess but I’d be mortified to leave anyone else to do it. I’ll ask for a dustpan if necessary.

Age discrimination. Ahhh MN. Never change.

Yes, but unfortunately many parents do not parent.

You are definitely not being unfair. Parents who don’t parent irritate me generally speaking but I found it especially exasperating when I was a waitress. The job is relentless and thankless enough when customers behave like respectful adults.

I disagree with the posts who think these parents need to be told. In my experience, it causes offence (to people we know, let alone strangers) to point out something blatantly dangerous or if they’re doing something that’s ruining furniture that parents are ignoring. And they really shouldn’t need to be reminded that letting their toddler run into a car park is dangerous… Or that they risk a waiter dropping hot food or smashing heavy plates if they are allowed to run around in a restaurant like it’s a soft play.

So many folks don’t give a shit. I used to work in a cinema years ago. A single hall one, and the amount of folks who would buy their young kids a sweet and drink and leave them there alone and fuck off to the pub or bingo hall with their mates was astonishing. Like a cheap baby sitter service, the kids always looked miserable too. Too,scared to get up and go to the toilet or move unless they really had to, it was shit.

Nothing worse. I wouldn’t dream of leaving a mess after my children, doesn’t look good to others and isn’t fair on the staff.

I ALWAYS clean up after my 2, but to be honest I don’t let them make too much of a mess to begin with!
I will always wipe food off the table (not on the floor), and put any crumbs on the empty plates. Any rubbish that hasn’t come from the restaurant I take home to throw away.

Exactly can you imagine the ensuing thread ‘AIBU waitress screamed at my son/daughter’

Why is it always up to others to discipline your kids

WHY is anyone voting that the OP is unreasonable?????

Because they’re kidding themselves that their childrens behaviour isn’t actually bad unless somebody else points it out to them

Must be the same parents who left their crap all over the floor and tables at a recent Subway we popped into. Thoroughly disgusting and vile, food and general detritus on the tables and floor. People can be vile.

A fair whack of people genuinely don't think they have to parent their kids or clean up after them, sadly.

I absolutely do not mind a normal bit of mess, I don't expect anyone to clean up every inch of their tables regardless of age and we do all make a huge fuss of all children who come in. We really don't discriminate against children, as I've said I have my own children. The mess I'm talking about is catastrophic filth that you know wouldn't be tolerated in their own homes.

YANBU. I have never waitressed but have family and friends who have and I really do empathise. We eat out maybe once a month tops with our 2 small children. I ALWAYS tidy up after them. I carry baby wipes everywhere and make sure I wipe down the highchair, table and floor if necessary. I don’t expect anyone else to clean up after my kids. Antibac the table after we leave? Absolutely. But not pick up half chewed (I have a 1 year old) or smushed in food. I certainly wouldn’t let them run around the place either and would find it highly irritating if others around me did.
Unfortunately it’s up to management to tackle such behaviour and in my experience they tend not to bother.

At Christmas we stayed at a very family orientated hotel. Around 10:30 at night my group got back from a meal and sat down to enjoy a night cap. Was very relaxed until a few kids started bombing around the place screaming at the top of their lungs. No parent in sight. They also went past a taped off area to plonk themselves in Santa's grotto and began pulling decorations down. At this point DH got up to ask where there parents are turns out they were sat drinking in.the adjacent restaurant. DH told them they should keep it down and get out of the space as it wasn't a play area. They quietened for a bit then started up again so DH spoke to them again. 2 mins later they came back with their mum, moaning about telling her child off!

The next morning, I watched another family bark at one another across the restaurant and eat like pigs at the table. One kid announced they didn't like those coco pops then tipped the full bowl all over the table. When they weren't intentionally pouring whatever food wanted on table and floor they would visit the buffet and pick up food and look at it before dropping it back. Disgusted would be too mild a word, I felt so sorry for the staff who had to clean up after them.

I've seen the state some parents/ carers leave tables/ floors in and it's awful.

It's pure laziness imo with a massive lack of respect for staff.

I feel for you, but many of us appreciate what you do but never really say it so thank you

I know what you mean. I’m a teacher and I will see a pupil in my class throw their empty bottle on the floor. At the end of the lesson I insist they all clean up before they leave. I get a lot of ‘but that’s the cleaners job’.
This detention I’m going to set you if you don’t pick it up says otherwise 😂.
They soon change their minds!

That is so bad!